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My new discovery turns science on its head!

  1. Mar 20, 2006 #1
    I'd like to publish this in a peer-reviewed journal, but they'd probably reject it. I think General Discussion is an equally valid medium.

    "Synthesis of Instant Coffee using Non Heated Water"
    PF Institute For Coffee Science*

    *not affiliated with the http://www.mc.vanderbilt.edu/coffee/" [Broken]

    Abstract: I demonstrate the title experimentally.

    Introduction: Conventional coffee-brewing methodology states that instant coffee needs hot water to be synthesized (1). We claim that this is in fact incorrect, and further speculate that a conspiracy of water-heating corporations is responsible for this misinformation.(2)

    Experimental methods: 1/6 tsp. of Instant Coffee is mixed with 25mL of cold water at 290K, at 102.34(2) kPa, at a background neutron flux of 1 neutron/fortnight.

    Fig. 1: me before olfactory sampling

    Fig. 2: me after olfactory sampling

    Analysis: The optical properties of the result are similar to those of ordinary coffee; it tastes somewhat worse. The coffee granules dissolve completely in <30 seconds. We hypothesize that the caffeine concentration is similar to that of mainstream coffee; a better-funded lab could verify this with GCMS.

    Toxicology: Unknown.

    Conclusions: A simpler method to brew instant coffee without heating water is presented. We expect our method will replace conventional methods, saving billions of dollars a day and revitalizing the economy, hence defeating communism and averting nuclear war. We politely request a Nobel prize.

    (1) Nescafe et. al, "100% Pure Instant Coffee", side panel, particularly step two

    (2) Conversations with Gen. J. Ripper.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 2, 2017
  2. jcsd
  3. Mar 20, 2006 #2


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    Sounds like more crackpottery at work.
  4. Mar 20, 2006 #3
    I stand by my experimental data.

    (seriously it worked... I was making regular coffee and was bored, so I tried this. I don't recommend reproducing it though, because it tastes slightly toxic.)
  5. Mar 20, 2006 #4
    I think this study is dangerous and should be suppressed. It's only a hop, skip and a jump, and you could use it to disprove Special Relativity.
  6. Mar 20, 2006 #5


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    :biggrin: And you have a license to handle neutrons?

    Next time add a stray muon to the mix.

    Actually, one could go to the top of a very high mountain and increase the neutron flux, as well as some other particles.

    The experiment is however better than the attempt to cook an egg with two cell phones. :biggrin:
  7. Mar 20, 2006 #6


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    I'm afraid it's been published before. I have a cookbook that provides similar instructions for dissolving instant coffee in cold water prior to adding it to the recipe. :biggrin: Sorry, you've been scooped. :frown:
  8. Mar 20, 2006 #7


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    With this kind of proof, I'm convinced. :biggrin:
  9. Mar 20, 2006 #8
    I'm just amazed to learn that science has a head.
  10. Mar 20, 2006 #9
    Science is always ahead.
  11. Mar 21, 2006 #10
    I retract the statements were I implied this stuff was toxic. It's not. I tried it again tonight, it's quite edible. I recommend you try this method for yourself and see - it really does save time!
  12. Mar 21, 2006 #11
    Time shmime. Some things are meant to be done slowly and lovingly, to be sipped,savoured and enjoyed. At least that's what the ladies say.
    'Tis blasphemy to call this coffee. Fie on thee, oh fie! Hie ye to the Blue Mountains of Jamaica and partake of the holy bean. Reject thee the counterfeit of "natural, enhanced flavour packets" of dung.
    Receive the Irish Blessing and rejoice!
  13. Mar 21, 2006 #12


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    I like to occassionally brew a one-mouthful batch of luke-warm stuff by chewing a coffee bean. It's quick, efficient, and there's no cup to wash.
  14. Mar 21, 2006 #13
    If this is true, then explain to us what happened to the original PF member rachmaninoff who started this thread.
  15. Mar 21, 2006 #14
    This has been done before. Perform this experiment with instant water and maybe you'll have something.
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