My Romantic Woes: A Story of Failed First Dates

  • Thread starter Thread starter FlexGunship
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AI Thread Summary
A man shares his frustrating experience with a first date that went awry due to the interference of his date's friend, Harriet. After initially enjoying a good connection with Mary, the situation deteriorates when Harriet becomes upset about a kiss shared between Mary and the man, fearing judgment from her ex-husband's ex-girlfriend. Despite the man's attempts to be accommodating and supportive, Harriet's jealousy leads to a confrontation that ultimately ruins the evening. Although he and Mary manage to have a good time afterward and plan a second date, Mary later expresses uncertainty about continuing due to Harriet's disapproval. The discussion highlights the complexities of dating dynamics influenced by friends and social expectations.
  • #51
i_wish_i_was_smart said:
LOL you don't think i did that on purpose?? come on, i am the best and dishing out bad analogies

Dishing out bad analogies?

  • That's like serving bear meat to a trout.
  • That's like writing on the thin edge of the paper.
  • That's like using invisible ink to correct a test.
  • That's like... annoying.
 
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  • #52
i_wish_i_was_smart said:
i know how you feel, the big C got in the way of my last good one that i dated... its hard to do something about that one...

Wow, that's terrible. I'm really sorry to hear that.

<attempts wry humor to lighten the mood>I assume you're not talking about Chicago.</humor>
 
  • #53
FlexGunship said:
BlastHardcheese

Sounds like a macho way of saying you're firing blanks!
 
  • #54
FlexGunship said:
Dishing out bad analogies?

  • That's like serving bear meat to a trout.
  • That's like writing on the thin edge of the paper.
  • That's like using invisible ink to correct a test.
  • That's like... annoying.

i don't obsess and fire off 10 bad analogies at once every day... just once in a while, i personally crack myself up
 
  • #55
FlexGunship said:
Wow, that's terrible. I'm really sorry to hear that.

<attempts wry humor to lighten the mood>I assume you're not talking about Chicago.</humor>
Dont worry about it, it sucks hardcore, and i don't even wish it on my worst enemies
but **** i still got to live, i can't waste my young life that she was deprived of, it would defeat the purpose of the very tender and valuable lesson i have learned

so...dont worry about it, i rather someone crack a joke than someone say "i'm so sorry"
 
  • #56
jarednjames said:
Nah mate, should have gone with that beauty!

My friend uses it as his gamer tag on XBox live.

EDIT: And another friend uses SmashDreadnaught on Battle.net
 
  • #57
Oh well, no response today. She gets out of work at 7. So, I guess I'll just wait-by-the-phone... (I have a cell phone, so that means I'll probably just go run for as long as possible before my heart explodes from either overexertion or loneliness :frown:).

EDIT: Is it inappropriate to share personal photos on here? I figured I might upload a picture of myself if it's not too odd... I don't know why. Just... you know. Put a face to the story?
 
  • #58
It wasn't long ago you left the message was it? Give it a chance.
 
  • #59
jarednjames said:
It wasn't long ago you left the message was it? Give it a chance.

Hah, well, yeah. You're right, of course. But when we talked prior to our date we had a steady tradition of text in the morning. Trade voice mail or texts at 2:00PM EST (her lunch break), and then a call that night after work.

I guess it's unfair to hope for the same behavior.
 
  • #62
That's you? I had visions of you being a LOT older.

Or is that 'mary'? In which case she's not really a looker.
 
  • #63
Are you interested in this girl romantically, or are you OK just texting and chatting with her once in a while?

Cause lots of women will keep men orbiting them like that, and I think it's pretty disrespectful. If you're interested in her romantically, you shouldn't accept some whiney friend relegating you to the friend zone.

If you want to get the girl back out on some dates, the best way would be to cut off contact completely for a while and go do other things for a while. Get back in touch with her a couple weeks later and casually suggest getting together sometime. If she really likes you (seems she does) then the absence should make her realize that she wants you in her life, and to hell with the whiney friend.

BUT, if you give her all the texting and chatting without expecting to ever SEE her again, there's little doubt she'll be happy to have a new guy to use as an emotional outlet for a while, until she finds someone else.
 
  • #64
jarednjames said:
That's you? I had visions of you being a LOT older.

No, that's my grandson. But we look exactly alike. Yes, I hide my age because it seems that "being young" is a worse stigma than "being wrong."

jarednjames said:
Or is that 'mary'? In which case she's not really a looker.

Hah. Okay. I literally LOL'd at this one. Thanks for that.
 
  • #65
FlexGunship said:
No, that's my grandson. But we look exactly alike. Yes, I hide my age because it seems that "being young" is a worse stigma than "being wrong."

Stigma or not, I shall not hide who I am (my age is in my profile) and my username is my name.

(Only thing not available is picture of me - more due to lack of a current one than anything else.)

Hah. Okay. I literally LOL'd at this one. Thanks for that.[/QUOTE]

Well you did say "personal pictures" and I just assumed you meant something relating to said topic of conversation. I was actually expecting something a little more...intimate.
 
  • #66
jarednjames said:
I was actually expecting something a little more...intimate.

Sorry to disappoint. You'll have to buy me dinner and drinks before you see anything like that. BTW, I'm still way older than you. :-p

Maturity on the other hand...
 
  • #67
wasteofo2 said:
Are you interested in this girl romantically, or are you OK just texting and chatting with her once in a while?

Romantically. Sorry if that wasn't obvious.

wasteofo2 said:
If you want to get the girl back out on some dates, the best way would be to cut off contact completely for a while and go do other things for a while. Get back in touch with her a couple weeks later and casually suggest getting together sometime.

Hmm, interesting idea. I might be getting close to that anyway. I'm not going to keep a one-way line of communication open for very long. That's just weird. Maybe I'll tell her clearly: "I'm going to stop trying to get in touch with you for two weeks. After that I'll give you a call and see if you want to go out."

It just sucks from a practical perspective too. She was really sweet and said she would help me with my Christmas shopping. As a guy, I am entirely unequipped to handle this.
 
  • #68
This whole thing is starting to make me sick; honestly. It seems that anytime I meet someone I'm genuinely interested in and with whom I feel a significant connection... something external happens to ruin it. Last time, I was dating a girl with two kids. They lived with me, and things were great... until the father of her kids (arbitrarily) decided he wanted them all back. That was more than a year ago, and this is the first time since then that I've felt that kind of intuitive connection with someone.

EDIT: What do I do? Wait another year, meet another wonderful girl... and wait for her to get hit with space debris?

Flex,

I never hang in the relationship forums, but you have a genuine talent for wit and humor, and the PF dog-piler's make this thread worth reading. That being said, I have a humble suggestion.

Do whatever really engages you and that you truly love to do, outside of looking to meet a woman. While you are having a great time being yourself and at ease, be open to opportunity for whatever comes your way. (Being engaged in some thing pleasurable takes you away from the anxiety and stress, a very good thing). This strategy (in a different context) has and is serving me well. Best of luck.

Rhody...
 
  • #69
rhody said:
I never hang in the relationship forums, but you have a genuine talent for wit and humor, and the PF dog-piler's make this thread worth reading.

Thank you, I appreciate that.

rhody said:
Do whatever really engages you and that you truly love to do, outside of looking to meet a woman. While you are having a great time being yourself and at ease, be open to opportunity for whatever comes your way. (Being engaged in some thing pleasurable takes you away from the anxiety and stress, a very good thing).

Well, Rhody, I appreciate the advice, but those aren't the girls I'm interested in. I like to go climbing and I race my car (in season). Frankly, I'm just plain not interested in dating people from those pools. That's not to say I haven't done it, they're just never "my type." Furthermore, I have no interest in dating myself. I don't want to date someone that's like me (I get enough of me as it is!). I want someone that's starkly different.

I've never felt the anxiety or stress that other people talk about while on a date. In fact, I've always thought: "If I can't be myself around the person, there's not much of a point to being around them."

And that's the clincher... Mary (I always type the real name first and have to delete it) is one of those super rare girls. And we had an awesome time! It's like spending your life looking for an incredibly rare animal, finding it, capturing it, only to have it eaten right out of your hand by some sort of obnoxiously common animal.

By the way, I've gotten angry enough about this over the course of the day to become moderately spiteful. So I found a picture of Harriet to upload... weirdly pale, eyes too far apart, and teeth that could by a potato through a picket fence. Now imagine this looking at you just generally being bitchy.

049-funny-photos.jpg


EDIT: Harriet has darker hair.
 
  • #70
Ironically, one of my friends just recommended that I "get back on the horse."

Ugh...
 
  • #71
cristo said:
Whether you'd want to date a girl who drink-drives is another question...

PF needs a 'Like' button.
 
  • #72
FlexGunship said:
049-funny-photos.jpg

At least she has a cute forelock.
 
  • #73
FlexGunship said:
Thank you, I appreciate that.



Well, Rhody, I appreciate the advice, but those aren't the girls I'm interested in. I like to go climbing and I race my car (in season). Frankly, I'm just plain not interested in dating people from those pools. That's not to say I haven't done it, they're just never "my type." Furthermore, I have no interest in dating myself. I don't want to date someone that's like me (I get enough of me as it is!). I want someone that's starkly different.

I've never felt the anxiety or stress that other people talk about while on a date. In fact, I've always thought: "If I can't be myself around the person, there's not much of a point to being around them."

And that's the clincher... Mary (I always type the real name first and have to delete it) is one of those super rare girls. And we had an awesome time! It's like spending your life looking for an incredibly rare animal, finding it, capturing it, only to have it eaten right out of your hand by some sort of obnoxiously common animal.

By the way, I've gotten angry enough about this over the course of the day to become moderately spiteful. So I found a picture of Harriet to upload... weirdly pale, eyes too far apart, and teeth that could by a potato through a picket fence. Now imagine this looking at you just generally being bitchy.

049-funny-photos.jpg


EDIT: Harriet has darker hair.

Flex,

You just made my day... :smile: I had to scroll to see the picture, and I lost it, very well done, best of luck in whatever strategy you choose...

Rhody...
 
  • #74
rhody said:
Flex,

You just made my day... :smile: I had to scroll to see the picture, and I lost it, very well done, best of luck in whatever strategy you choose...

Rhody...

Thanks Rhody.
 
  • #75
Hm. Flex, glad to say your pic kind of matches the image in my head.

And sad to say, Harriet's does too.
 
Last edited:
  • #76
DaveC426913 said:
Hm. Flex, glad to say your pic kind of matches the image in my head.

Damnit, I hate being a stereotype.
 
  • #77
FlexGunship said:
Damnit, I hate being a stereotype.

Nah, no stereotype. I just guessed that your username indicated a 20-something.
 
  • #78
DaveC426913 said:
Nah, no stereotype. I just guessed that your username indicated a 20-something.

Hah! Well you're wrong, Dave... I'm not 20-something, I'm 20-five!

Er... 25.

And a half.
 
  • #79
I like the advices so far, especially Wasteofo2.

Here's what I'll do. Keep yourself BUSY with other girls, and then ask her out again.

Btw, could you tell if she likes you?. That's useful to know.
 
  • #80
Hi Flex, still fuming? I agree with the others who have suggested finding a few other girls and taking showers with them. It will get your mind off, well, most everything. Including what's her name. See, I forgot already.
 
  • #81
Oh Flexy, this doest bring back memories..

Frankly I don't approve the backdoor deal to get rid of the bald fat guy, but karma seems to have gotten you back (I don't believe in Karma, for what its worth).

Also, if someone like Harriet was trying to corkblock me while I was trying to kiss a girl I would ever so not politely tell her in not so many shades of tone of voice to stfu. I have done it before, and yes there is a chance you will be slapped, but she is a girl, how hard can it be, really?

Moving on. Some girls are just not worth the effort, and it is best to move on and not waste your time. Frankly a 3 strike policy would be the best approach. During the date, keep track of strikes against her, and just walk away on the third strike. Doesn't matter if you leaving her in the middle of the ghetto - just walk. Away.
 
  • #82
cronxeh said:
During the date, keep track of strikes against her...

Oh yeah. This is the way to lead a well-adjusted life... :rolleyes:
 
  • #83
DaveC426913 said:
Oh yeah. This is the way to lead a well-adjusted life... :rolleyes:

As much as I think everything cronxeh says and thinks is wrong, I don't think this is a bad idea. I've noticed that the people who are just awful human beings in my life will raise multiple red flags that must be taken seriously fairly quickly. On the other hand, people who are fine won't raise many in quick succession.
 
  • #84
Pengwuino said:
As much as I think everything cronxeh says and thinks is wrong, I don't think this is a bad idea. I've noticed that the people who are just awful human beings in my life will raise multiple red flags that must be taken seriously fairly quickly. On the other hand, people who are fine won't raise many in quick succession.

He doesn't say take 'red flags seriously'; he says 'keep score during the date'.

It's one thing to be able to recognize when something is a lost cause, but going into it ready to tick off boxes is looking for it to fail. And whaddya know - it will!
 
  • #85
I know this one woman for about 2 months now, and I have yet to give her a single strike in my mind :biggrin:

I'm sure I've accumulated a few strike in her mind though :biggrin:
 
  • #86
cronxeh said:
I know this one woman for about 2 months now, and I have yet to give her a single strike in my mind :biggrin:

Well you keep lookin'! It'll turn up if you just look hard enough.
 
  • #87
DaveC426913 said:
Well you keep lookin'! It'll turn up if you just look hard enough.

Are you kidding, this one is a keeper.
 
  • #88
DaveC426913 said:
Well you keep lookin'! It'll turn up if you just look hard enough.

Blinded by love?
 
  • #89
cronxeh said:
Are you kidding, this one is a keeper.

What's his name?
 
  • #90
Pengwuino said:
What's his name?

Haven't you heard? Cyrus is getting pinked soon, you don't have to call him a him anymore
 
  • #91
Cyclovenom said:
Btw, could you tell if she likes you?. That's useful to know.

Yes, she liked me. I know you have to take my word for it, but all the signs were there: extended eye contact, she laughed at my stupid jokes, she kissed me on the cheek when I wasn't looking a lot, she would hold my hand or stroke my arm while we talked, we made plans for a second date before the first date even ended, and whenever we walked she would hook her arm in mine.

Proof? No, of course not. But that seems like a lot of trouble to go through for no gain.
 
  • #92
cronxeh said:
Frankly I don't approve the backdoor deal to get rid of the bald fat guy, but karma seems to have gotten you back (I don't believe in Karma, for what its worth).

Well, it was a hard decision to make. I felt bad for the guy, and Harriet was NOT interested in him one iota. I guess I figured the "plan" would be the easiest way for him to leave but without feel too hurt or embarrassed.

cronxeh said:
Also, if someone like Harriet was trying to corkblock me while I was trying to kiss a girl I would ever so not politely tell her in not so many shades of tone of voice to stfu. I have done it before, and yes there is a chance you will be slapped, but she is a girl, how hard can it be, really?

Well, I did speak up, but I don't express my frustration and anger through violence or yelling. Its usually counter-productive. However, I think that fact that I said ANYTHING AT ALL is what set Harriet against me.

cronxeh said:
Moving on. Some girls are just not worth the effort, and it is best to move on and not waste your time. Frankly a 3 strike policy would be the best approach. During the date, keep track of strikes against her, and just walk away on the third strike. Doesn't matter if you leaving her in the middle of the ghetto - just walk. Away.

I'm not about to adopt a 3-strike policy. I would probably rack up 3-strikes before the meal arrived. Furthermore, I certainly wouldn't abandon a woman (no matter what the condition of the date) alone in an unsavory place. I just wouldn't do that, I feel like it would degrade my character.
 
  • #93
FlexGunship said:
I just wouldn't do that, I feel like it would degrade my character.

And that is why you go home alone, and as my homeslice P!nk sang it, "It's just you and your hand tonight. Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh oh"
 
  • #94
cronxeh said:
And that is why you go home alone, and as my homeslice P!nk sang it, "It's just you and your hand tonight. Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh oh"

Umm, we were talking about abandoning your date in a bad area (as per your description). Given the premise, I'm going home alone either way, but in one case I'm not an *******.
 
  • #95
FlexGunship said:
Umm, we were talking about abandoning your date in a bad area (as per your description). Given the premise, I'm going home alone either way, but in one case I'm not an *******.

:smile:

I used to see your point,

but after a 3rd strike she is no longer your date, in my book. Just a total stranger. In the ghetto. Wasting your time. While you could be with someone of substance. Getting it Marvin Gaye :biggrin:
 
  • #96
I'm trying to see whether or not women have said a whole bunch in this thread. For what it's worth, I'll offer a bit of perspective from the dark side.

Flex, you were on a first date with a woman you'd only just met. Mary has been friends with Harriet for who knows how long. At that point in a relationship, it's a question of loyalties. Do you have your friend's back the way you normally do? Or do you tell her she's on her own and go off on your merry way with some guy who could very well end the evening with, "That was great. I'll call you soon." and then doesn't ever call again?

Then, you've let your long-time friend (however weird that friend may be) down for the sake of a few hours with a relative stranger. I can appreciate the balancing the situation required on Mary's part. She wants to think of just herself, and yet, friend.

[Caveat to say that, I also think that half-way decent friend would understand that you're on a first date and do their best not to intrude. Harriet has a whole bunch of points going against her.]

Certainly, the whole thing was annoying [Sorry, Flex, I'd love to be able to say "weird" for you, but in the world of my youth, your scenario only made the "annoying" grade. "Weird" had the potential to end with someone stripped to their underwear, tied to a chair and left in a phone booth on a busy street, late at night. Y'know?] and didn't make the best first impression of Harriet, I think it made a decent first impression of Mary because, if nothing else, you know she's loyal and someone you can count on. That's worth something.

Now, if this situation was, say, six months down the road, and you guys had been seeing each other for some time, and things were pretty solid, and Mary maintained her friend-time with her friends, and her you-time with you, then *something* would need to be done about Harriet and/or the relationship with Mary.

See, Flex, I rather admire younger women today for getting their priorities a bit straighter and not immediately dumping their friends at the curb the moment anything with a different-side opening pants zipper wanders by. Women routinely did that back in the "olden days" and harmed their long-term friendships really badly.

I seem to recall (having waded through this entire thread and noted that you called and left a message but I didn't note the times and dates relative to this point) that you left a message for her. Give her time to respond. I don't always get my texts or phone messages right away. I turn my phone off when I'm busy or involved in something with someone. Sometimes people need to be patient and wait to hear back from me. So give it some time. And when you do hear from her, have concrete plans for some kind of get-together, involving the two of you exclusively (ie: I have reservations for two at such and so restaurant), don't mention Harriet, and see how it goes from there.

If Harriet constantly commandeers Mary's life with drama and bs, and Mary allows that, then, as suggested previously, run.
 
  • #97
cronxeh said:
but after a 3rd strike she is no longer your date, in my book. Just a total stranger. In the ghetto. Wasting your time. While you could be with someone of substance. Getting it Marvin Gaye :biggrin:

Stranger or not, male or female, I wouldn't abandon someone and I don't think very much of anyone who feels that is the right thing to do.
 
  • #98
GeorginaS said:
I turn my phone off when I'm busy or involved in something with someone.

I don't think that's the sort of thing he wants to hear right now with everything that's going through his mind. :-p
 
  • #99
Oh! I just recalled something else Flex wrote. That "knight in shining armor thing"? No. Just, no. Don't go there, don't think that, don't even try, don't even think that's a good idea or something you want to do or be.

There be dragons. Just trust me on that one. Go with someone who can stand on their own two feet every single time. You don't want someone trying to "change" or "save" you, so why think that someone else would be up for that.

Plus: dragons. Nothing but bad stuff. Really. Can't stress that enough.
 
  • #100
jarednjames said:
I don't think that's the sort of thing he wants to hear right now with everything that's going through his mind. :-p

Bleh, okay, you're right, Jared. That's bad phrasing on my part. I don't mean "involved/involved", I just mean if I'm doing something that involves being face-to-face with someone. See, I think it's polite to pay attention to the living, breathing, in-the-flesh person in front of me. I think it's horribly rude to be answering phone calls and responding to text messages while, say, having lunch with a friend.

I'll leave my phone on if I'm waiting for a specific, important call from someone, or there are things at work that someone may need to get in touch with me about, or if I'm wandering about on my own. Otherwise I give all of my attention to the person who's in front of me and that does not automatically assume said person is any sort of competition. :smile:
 

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