Of course it's not Ivan. It's Santa Claus. Duh!
Something that's not religious and whatnot but reassuring. Well, okay. [As an aside, I think I'll call you Harold, because addressing you as "Flex" when I'm trying to be serious is difficult.]
Harold, you're obviously an intelligent fellow. You're articulate, and you have a good sense of humour. If your pictures are any indication, you're an attractive guy too. It seems to me that you've pretty much got it all going for you. I think you're kind of aware of that.
So here's the deal: stuff like the incident that just happened to you, simply does. No rhyme or reason or body-count in the end. It just does. It's called "life happening". Most of us here have had similar situations happen. Some of us have had worse. Meh. It's part of the ride. I don't know any other way to explain it save to say it may suck right now, but it's so very, very temporary that you'll marvel one day that you even gave it as much attention as this thread.
I know you didn't understand my reference to the situation being humourous, but, again, the long view gives you that. Live life. All of it. That's point-blank serious. Savour each and every flavour and nuance offered to you as you wander through this. Some of it's going to be bitter, some of it's going to be luscious, and if you have the presence of mind to value all of it for the sheer experience it is, you'll have lived life well.
Edited to add: And no. There is no "predestined" stuff. There's no Grand Scheme or Plan for each of us. This is it, as it comes. And it's big and sloppy and messy and sometimes astoundingly, painfully sad and sometimes it's so joyful that you don't think you can stand it. There's no road map, no instruction book, and no one's steering the bobsled. Every inch of it is totally worth it.
That's all I've got, Harold. You'll be fine. You'll even be better one day.
. It didn't work!. 
