Other NIST SURF Personal Statement Critique

[SyrusVir]

Hello everyone!

I am currently writing application for the SURF program at NIST and was looking for some feedback/criticism of my personal statement. This is my first time writing something like this and I wanted to make sure the structure of my paper checked out. For reference, the NIST personal statement prompt says:

"The personal statement is the opportunity for NIST staff to learn more about the student and why he/she should be selected for a fellowship in the SURF Program. Students are encouraged to compose a personal statement which includes the following:

• Commitment to participate in the program and work in a laboratory environment;
• Description of relevant research experience;
• Description of prioritized research interests;
• Career goals."

My essay, with some redactions for privacy, follows:

"Entering college, I had dreams of unlocking the power of fusion energy. While learning about the field, I became interested in stellarators and tokamaks and how these engineering feats worked. That is when I became interested in electronics and scientific instruments. I was fascinated by the complex electrical systems making the “star in a jar” a possibility. This drove me to double major in both physics and electrical engineering with the goal of electronics research to develop new tools and devices.

My first opportunity in developing a new instrument was at [workplace]. My job as a co-op student was to further develop LabVIEW software for a new method of acoustic spectroscopy, but I also developed software for the numerous mechanical testing facilities and special projects. These projects were often large, often requiring automated data acquisition and system control capabilities in an easy-to-use UI. By learning on the job and staying organized (I always kept a notepad within arm’s reach), I handled every project that came my way. My proudest achievement was software for a satellite hinge deployment test that I designed independently. It was a gargantuan program for one man, with several independent modules for data acquisition and instrument control, nothing could compare to the satisfaction of watching that test run smoothly thanks to my work.

After my co-op, I was ready to apply my skills towards research related to my majors. While taking an electromagnetics course this past semester, I joined my professor’s lab, the [lab name]. Under Dr. [professor], I am developing a non-invasive, passive RFID dysphagia monitor. This involves modelling and simulating antenna geometries, building and testing these designs using a vector network analyzer, and presenting my findings to the rest of the team at weekly meetings. Balancing my research with a full 18 credit hour course load was difficult, but I managed to maintain my 4.0 GPA while making progress in my research, and I am excited to continue my work and to publish my results in the future.

My experiences and coursework have had a massive influence on my research interests. I learned of the physics and common uses of transistors in my electronics course while studying small-scale device designs for my research. This has introduced me to the field of nanoscience, particularly nanoelectronics. The prospect of new transistor technologies based on quantum mechanics, has sparked in me a very strong interest in the field. I am strongly considering studying this field while pursuing my physics PhD. To learn more, I am planning on taking additional classes in magnetic materials as well as more advanced differential equations (completing a math minor in the process) as well as a quantum mechanics sequence.

This year, the Summer Undergraduate Research Fellowship at NIST Boulder is offering several research projects in the nanoscience field. Of these, I find Dr. Judah Levine’s project on developing chip-scale atom traps especially interesting for its implications in measurement technologies. The Quantitative Nanoscale Characterization Group’s project on microwave imaging nanoscale materials is also in line with my interest in nanoelectronics.

The SURF program at NIST Boulder is an opportunity for me to get early experience in a field I am strongly considering for graduate school. The combination of my background in physics, electrical engineering, and programming makes me well prepared for a position as a SURFer in the Applied Physics division at NIST in Boulder. My previous experiences have developed both my technical and personal skills, and I am excited to use those skills and dedicate time this summer to a research opportunity in nanoscience at NIST Boulder."

If you made it this far down my post, thanks for taking the time to read this! Any form of feedback/critique is welcome!

 

[SyrusVir]

I'll be the first to admit that I've been a bit lazy in proof-reading my own essay. I've fixed up some glaring errors and I'll post it again. I know these threads are really annoying to most people, but I appreciate any feedback given!

The newest draft:

Entering college, I had dreams of unlocking the power of fusion energy. While learning about the field, I became interested in stellarators and tokamaks and how these engineering feats worked. That is when I became interested in electronics and scientific instruments. I was fascinated by the complex electrical systems making the “star in a jar” a possibility. This drove me to double major in both physics and electrical engineering with the goal of electronics research to develop new tools and devices.

My first opportunity in developing a new instrument was at [institute]. My job as a co-op student was to further develop LabVIEW software for a new method of acoustic spectroscopy, but I also developed software for the numerous mechanical testing facilities and special projects. These projects were often large, often requiring automated data acquisition and system control capabilities in an easy-to-use UI. By learning on the job and staying organized (I always kept a notepad within arm’s reach), I handled every project that came my way. My greatest challenge and proudest achievement was software for a satellite hinge deployment test that I coded independently. It was a gargantuan program for one man, with several independent modules for data acquisition and instrument control. But, after a few months and several notepads, I saw my work pay off seeing the test running my software with no problems.

After my co-op, I was ready for a research project closer to my majors. While taking an electromagnetics course this past semester, I joined my professor’s lab, the [uni laboratory]. Under Dr. [professor], I am developing a novel medical tool, a non-invasive, passive RFID dysphagia monitor. This involves modelling and simulating antenna geometries, building and testing these designs using a vector network analyzer, and presenting my findings to the rest of the team at weekly meetings. Balancing my research with a full 18 credit hour course load was difficult, but I managed to maintain my 4.0 GPA while making progress in my research. While my time at AAML has been short, I am excited to continue my work and to publish my results in the future.

My experiences and coursework have had a massive influence on my research interests. I learned of the physics and common uses of transistors in my electronics course while studying small-scale device designs for my research. This has introduced me to the field of nanoscience, particularly nanoelectronics. The prospect of quantum transistor technologies has sparked in me a very strong interest in the field. I am strongly considering studying this field while pursuing my physics PhD. To learn more, I am planning on taking additional classes in magnetic materials as well as more advanced differential equations (completing a math minor in the process) alongside my quantum mechanics courses.

This year, the Summer Undergraduate Research Fellowship at NIST Boulder is offering several research projects in the nanoscience field. Of these, I find Dr. Judah Levine’s project on developing chip-scale atom traps especially interesting for its uses in new measurement technologies. The Quantitative Nanoscale Characterization Group’s project on microwave imaging nanoscale materials is also in line with my interest in nanoelectronics. The projects of the Quantum Nanophotonics Group are also fascinating to me as their work is fundamental to developing quantum information technologies.

The SURF program at NIST Boulder is an opportunity for me to get early experience in a field I am strongly considering for graduate school. The combination of my background in physics, electrical engineering, and programming makes me well prepared for a position as a SURFer in the Applied Physics division at NIST in Boulder. My previous experiences have developed both my technical and personal skills, and I am excited to use those skills and dedicate time this summer to a research opportunity in nanoscience at NIST Boulder.Thanks again to anyone whose read this far!

 

[Jody]

I'm no expert and only finished my undergraduate in electrical engineering although I did several internships requiring some type of essay similar to this-- your essay overall looks competitive by my eyes. I read all of the first one and skimmed through the second one (does it let you edit it into the first one so that others don't read the outdated one?).

I like the story and flow of it, and it seems to cover all of the bullet points with measurable achievements to support your points. Something I'm not sure of and haven't applied to SURF myself is calling out a specific research project like you did for Dr. Levine's group? I'm curious to see what others say about it. If that's mainly what you want to do and feel like you couldn't do any other, then it's all good; however: If you're open to other opportunities, then I don't know if you're weeding yourself out of the backup plans? I've applied to programs before with the intention of one opportunity, but joined for other good opportunities as well. I finished those programs with a fun and good experience.

I'm no expert with Tokamaks although I've visited one before (a tiny one called COMPASS). I didn't see much about nanotechnology. I'm wondering if there's a way to more directly tie things together unless I'm mistaken about how obvious it may be?

You say that you simulated antenna geometries? I'm wondering calling out the specific EDA you used might be an attractive keyword in general (I'm thinking of CST or HFSS), but I'm not sure for nanotechnology again... only ones I've seen there, but not on antennas, is Synopsys or Silvaco's TCAD... Which programming languages are you familiar with? I feel like the part that you talk about the software for the satellite might be a good way to slip that in too.

Good luck!

 

[SyrusVir]

Hey Joshy! Thanks for the input!

(does it let you edit it into the first one so that others don't read the outdated one?)

If there is, I can't seem to find the option. I just made this account a few days ago, so I'm still a bit of a n00b.

Something I'm not sure of and haven't applied to SURF myself is calling out a specific research project like you did for Dr. Levine's group? I'm curious to see what others say about it. If that's mainly what you want to do and feel like you couldn't do any other, then it's all good; however: If you're open to other opportunities, then I don't know if you're weeding yourself out of the backup plans? I've applied to programs before with the intention of one opportunity, but joined for other good opportunities as well. I finished those programs with a fun and good experience.

That paragraph is more outlining my top preferences of research topics. I thought about explicitly saying that I'm open to other topics, but I was afraid I might come across as indecisive. I'll think about adding a quick sentence about it, though.

I'm no expert with Tokamaks although I've visited one before (a tiny one called COMPASS). I didn't see much about nanotechnology. I'm wondering if there's a way to more directly tie things together unless I'm mistaken about how obvious it may be?

My interest in fusion physics was my first introduction to condensed matter. Learning about the superconductors and control systems in tokamaks brought me to electronics, instrumentation, and thus electrical engineering. I really didn't become interested in nanotech until this past semester, which I bring up in paragraph 4. Is that structure too confusing?

You say that you simulated antenna geometries? I'm wondering calling out the specific EDA you used might be an attractive keyword in general (I'm thinking of CST or HFSS), but I'm not sure for nanotechnology again... only ones I've seen there, but not on antennas, is Synopsys or Silvaco's TCAD... Which programming languages are you familiar with? I feel like the part that you talk about the software for the satellite might be a good way to slip that in too.

My lab does use HFSS for its simulations. A lot of the details of my research are in my resume and I didn't want to just regurgitate it in my statement, but if its a good buzzword then I'll throw it in.

I really appreciate your help, Joshy!