Peter953 said:
So in a way, when observing something moving towards a black hole, there will come a point when we can't detect the object any longer.
Yes.
Peter953 said:
By that time it will, at least from its own perspective, have passed the event horizon anyway.
There is no absolute way to compare time for the infalling object with time for us observing it at a distance. So there is no absolute way to compare the time at which the distant observer detects the last photon from the object, and the time at which the object crosses the horizon, and say which event happened first. This is a sort of GR version of relativity of simultaneity.
Peter953 said:
If there is no way for an observer to detect the object any longer, when or before its last photon has been emitted, then it is perhaps wrong to claim that to an observer it never seems to cross the event horizon?
The claim that is often made is not just that to a distant observer, the object never "seems" to cross the horizon. That claim could just as well be interpreted purely as a statement about what light the distant observer detects--and on that interpretation, it is true, since, as we've seen, the distant observer can never receive light signals from events at or below the horizon.
But the claim that is often made is that, because the distant observer never detects the object crossing the horizon, that the object never crosses the horizon in some absolute sense. That claim is false, and it would be false even if it were possible to detect light emitted by the object all the way down to the horizon, so that the scenario we talked about earlier in this thread, of seeing objects "piling up" near the horizon as they appear to fall more and more slowly, were actually possible. Even in that case, that appearance would be an optical illusion; the objects would still fall through the horizon; we, the distant observers, would just never see it happen.
Peter953 said:
When we can't detect it any longer, it has crossed?
That's one fairly useful practical criterion for saying when the object crosses the horizon, from the standpoint of the distant observer, yes. As I noted before, there is no absolute answer to the question of when the object crosses the horizon, from the standpoint of the distant observer.