Programming Jokes: Lame, Science & Math Jokes!

[jack action]

 

[jack action]

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[Wrichik Basu]

Read the licence before you use!

https://github.com/Gottox/sltar/commit/f43d20638774b1f77ef4fa606330126872ae549d

 

[Ibix]

Off the back of this thread: https://www.physicsforums.com/threads/why-does-my-godot-object-only-spawn-once.1051566/

Have you tried waiting?
Are you sure if it spawned before?
Leave the computer and come back tomorrow. (Stays exactly where he is)

 

[Arjan82]

Read the licence before you use!

View attachment 324705

https://github.com/Gottox/sltar/commit/f43d20638774b1f77ef4fa606330126872ae549d

I've checked (i.e. asked chatGPT) and the next summer solstice with a full moon is in 2062, so we're good... for now...

(also, the previous was in 2016, which is 2 years after this document was dated, so I guess the Devil should still be satisfied )

 

[jack action]

Tooltip text: Real programmers set the universal constants at the start such that the universe evolves to contain the disk with the data they want.​

 

[jack action]

 

[sbrothy]

I think fortune is a potential oldschool goldmine if you know what to search for:

sbrothy@PAULINE:~$ fortune -m CPU
(riddles)
%
Q: How many IBM CPU's does it take to do a logical right shift?
A: 33. 1 to hold the bits and 32 to push the register.
%

Don't say nerd.

 

[sbrothy]

sbrothy@PAULINE:~$ fortune -m machine
(riddles)
%
Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, one to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub
with brightly colored machine tools.

[Surrealist jokes just aren't my cup of fur. Ed.]
%

Maybe not programming related but it's still a kinda favorite of mine.

 

[TonyStewart]

Oh, I dunno. Anyone who says (seriously) "that's a dumb question" deserves to be mentioned in a jokes thread.

We are all dumb at some subject, and we are all Infidels to someone else's religion.
Yet we expect users to know how to do a simple search web lookup after kindergarten.

 

[strangerep]

Yet we expect users to know how to do a simple search web lookup after kindergarten.

Who is "we". I certainly don't expect that.

 

[jbriggs444]

Who is "we". I certainly don't expect that.

Hope springs eternal. And is eternally dashed.

 

[TonyStewart]

@TonyStewart said

We are all dumb at some subject, and we are all Infidels to someone else's religion.
Yet we expect users to know how to do a simple search web lookup after kindergarten.
​

I apologize if my previous (tongue in cheek) response came across as presumptuous. In today's age of easy access to information, we should encourage and teach people of all ages to be more self-directed and resourceful in seeking out information and knowledge.

The ability to ask the right questions and understand the assumptions underlying a problem is a crucial part of critical thinking and problem-solving.

In this sense, education should focus on developing these skills to know when to go into a Q&A forum and boldly ask a simple question or preferably state how the search led to confusion.
Most of all we need to teach tolerance of others who are willing to learn.

There are prompts that could be pre-empted to new users to check if they have attempted any homework and show it first after they have searched online.

Who is "we". I certainly don't expect that.

 

[BillTre]

 

[pinball1970]

View attachment 325823

Unless that is really a thing?

In which case case that would be a WHAT!?

 

[jack action]

 

[Borg]

My computer seems jumpy lately. I might need something to help it take the Edge off.

 

[TonyStewart]

An Artificial Joke?

My computer seems jumpy lately. I might need something to help it take the Edge off.

I suggest Revo uninstaller. No side effects and long-lasting pain relief and no charge without ads using 2.4.4 Portable. Even better, take off Win 10/11 and jump back to Win7x64 and/or remove all the Telemetry.

I don't need anymore stinkin' updates.

---
Why is my computer cold in the summer? Because I closed Windows Updates and now my air (CPU) conditioner only runs 2% of the time on average. Below running a dozen apps like Thunderbird, Firefox, Portable Apps, Start Menu, Irfanview, Winpatrol

 

[jack action]

 

[TonyStewart]

My computer seems jumpy lately. I might need something to help it take the Edge off.

It might take more than a tranquilizer or put computer to sleep if you have Edge installed, Virustotal shows that it makes 84,263 execution during the install..Take a look and click it, it looks a little edgy

https://www.virustotal.com/graph/6675000f8d493df6211aa670f977ce17e8f2bb35132718dc3e873b0a49e000f9

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 327591

They call it "Redmond Roulette".

 

[Tom.G]

They call it "Redmond Roulette".

But the odds are better at the casino!

 

[Borg]

They call it "Redmond Roulette".

I was thinking Help Desk Roulette when I saw it.

 

[DaveC426913]

This keeps happening.

Us: "We are having trouble installing this software on our office system."
Helpdesk: "We're not sure why. Go ahead and turn off your Antivirus."

 

[Borg]

My helpdesk fun went like this today:

Me: My remote desktop got messed up and rebuilt itself. I need to recover yesterday's profile.
Helpdesk: OK, I'll put a ticket in to rebuild it.
Me: No, I need it restored, not rebuilt again.
Helpdesk: Yes, I'll send in a ticket and they'll rebuild your profile.
Me:

 

[Tom.G]

I've used the free DeskTopOK utility for years -- really saved my behind a few times. It can save or restore the desktop layout on demand. Very handy when I rotate my display to Portrait mode then back to Landscape.

https://www.softwareok.com/

Cheers,
Tom

 

[jack action]

 

[DrGreg]

View attachment 327720​

That's the bit that made me laugh out loud.

 

[jack action]

 

[Hornbein]

View attachment 325840​

Once Windows updated my computer so frequently it took up all the bandwidth and became unusable.

 

[Hornbein]

View attachment 327801​

A real AI who defeated six pros used frequent large initial bets.

 

[TonyStewart]

My helpdesk fun went like this today:

Me: My remote desktop got messed up and rebuilt itself. I need to recover yesterday's profile.
Helpdesk: OK, I'll put a ticket in to rebuild it.
Me: No, I need it restored, not rebuilt again.
Helpdesk: Yes, I'll send in a ticket and they'll rebuild your profile.
Me:

what about system restore? DIY

 

[Borg]

what about system restore? DIY

I don't have any control over the computer's environment.

Today's fun discovery when I logged in this morning:

Sysadmin: Let's do a complete re-image of people's computers and bury the announcement in a corporate email that nobody reads so that they don't know to back everything up. Everything will be deleted - files, profile settings, bookmarks, etc. Yeah! That will be fun.

 

[berkeman]

Sysadmin: Let's do a complete re-image of people's computers and bury the announcement in a corporate email that nobody reads so that they don't know to back everything up. Everything will be deleted - files, profile settings, bookmarks, etc. Yeah! That will be fun.

Well, it's not April 1st...

 

[phinds]

Sysadmin: Let's do a complete re-image of people's computers and bury the announcement in a corporate email that nobody reads so that they don't know to back everything up. Everything will be deleted - files, profile settings, bookmarks, etc. Yeah! That will be fun.

Shoot him. No jury in America would convict you.

 

[Borg]

Shoot him. No jury in America would convict you.

I'm starting on a new project in a different location (including different admins, computers, etc.) on Monday. Seems fitting that this group should inflict one last injustice before I leave.

EDIT:
One of my co-workers got his profile back this morning so maybe mine will come back eventually.

 

[jack action]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 327966​

I missed that gag. How did I miss that gag...?

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[Wrichik Basu]

Wanted to post in For those who ask: "What programming language should I learn?", but didn't want to derail the thread, so posting here:

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[Wrichik Basu]