I live about 1800 miles from my hometown, even farther from where I spent my years as an undergraduate, which was my most recent home before this. It is difficult in the beginning, but if you have a good group of friends and find the folks in your research bearable, I think it eases the burden a lot.
My first semester was tough, but now, I don't necessarily equate time off with going home. I'd rather travel other places or just explore my local area. I guess the point is that it's possible for the place where you go to graduate school to become your home. Once that happens, you'll enjoy time with your family when you see them, but your life will be wherever you are.
If you save money and budget wisely, you should be able to afford a few flights per year. I've found I would rather be more social most of the time than be a stickler throughout the year just so I can see family more often. Maybe that sounds harsh, but most of the time you are at your graduate instiution. It makes more sense to me to maximize your day-to-day happiness. Your mileage may vary, though.
JesseC said:
So, does 2 months off per year for a PhD student sound reasonable?
gravenewworld said:
It's terrible. This is coming from something with tons of experience doing this. 2 months per year? Yeah right. We get 3 weeks here. You're also poor, so flying is expensive. Hopefully your BF has money to fly to see you instead.
You're not in college anymore, so get that mindset completely out of your head. Treat grad school more like a full time job. How many full time jobs do you know of that give someone 2 months off every year?
I'm going to have to agree with gravenewworld. Two months is a lot. But it really is such a function of your advisor that it's hard to say. My advisor has the work hard/play hard mentality, so graduate students in our group typically get 4 to 5 weeks off per year. He also is from Europe, though, so he understands what it's like to live very far from your family.
I have friends who complain that their advisors only give them off two weeks per year, but most of them only work forty hours a week. I just don't see how you can expect to put in the bare minimum that is required of you but then be rewarded with extradinary vacation packages.
The key here is to speak with graduate students in your potential research groups. They'll be able to honestly tell you what it's like to work with that Professor: how time off works, how their social lifes are, etc.
Nano-Passion said:
Try to hang out with her in a virtual world such as second life.
Wait until tele-emerging tecgivehnolgy develops.
Soon distance will not be an issue. Think of how far we have come since the 1600s with respect to long distance communication. A hundred years from now there will also be virtual kinesthetic communication in real time, and later virtual (or not so virtual) sex.
I agree up to the point that technologies like Skype and mobile phones have made it
easier to stay in contact with family and friends, but it is still not the same as spending time with loved ones in person. The dynamic is mostly different when you're face-to-face for an extended period of time versus staring at each other on computers for an hour or so a week. I posit that technology will never replace real, face-to-face interaction.
It's much more difficult to do this with a significant other. Long distance relationships have varying degrees of success. But I will say that my friends that are in long distance relationships spend a substantial amount of time on Skype every night, to the point where they break social obligations in person just to "be" with their SO. A friend of mine from undergrad, also attending graduate school on the East Coast (who is dating someone halfway across the country) recently told me that he feels he has no friends, just colleagues. Why? When everyone else was getting to know each other, he was staying at home, talking to his girlfriend.
My point is that distance is hard, and it's even harder when you're a graduate student who puts in a lot of hours per week.
The main takeaway is this:
Graduate school is something that you really have to want, pretty much for its own sake. I think it's awesome that I get paid to do science, even if that means working insane hours. Just realize you will have to make sacrifices, you will drift apart from some friends, and you may miss out on some things with your family. To expect otherwise would be naive. The great part is there is nothing stopping you from making new friends, being fulfilled by your work, and having a new home.