Saying 'I Love You': What's the Best Way?

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The discussion centers around the complexities of expressing love in a new relationship. The original poster is contemplating how to say "I love you" to their girlfriend, having not yet done so despite her casual mentions of love. Contributors emphasize the importance of timing and sincerity, suggesting that the phrase should be delivered in an intimate moment rather than casually to convey genuine feelings. There is a debate about the meaning of love and the significance of saying it, with some arguing that actions speak louder than words. The conversation also touches on the emotional dynamics of relationships, including trust and communication, particularly when one partner has past fears or insecurities. Overall, the consensus is that open communication about feelings is crucial, and that expressing love should be done thoughtfully and sincerely, taking into account the partner's emotional state.
  • #31
Kurdt said:
This is worse than wehn Wolram secretly declared his affections for me!
I love you too Kurdt, but Arildno is a Norweed with a huge amount of historical knowledge and access to some of the the world's finest pickles. :!)
 
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  • #32
I had a lot of fun with wollie-dear in the Tiki Bar once..:smile:
 
  • #33
Oh you guys :!) :!) :!)
 
  • #34
arildno said:
I had a lot of fun with wollie-dear in the Tiki Bar once..:smile:
:biggrin: heh
 
  • #35
Evo said:
I love you too Kurdt, but Arildno is a Norweed with a huge amount of historical knowledge and access to some of the the world's finest pickles. :!)
Indeed, plump and curved. And briny.:smile:
 
  • #36
I must say I am partial to gherkins but wrt the original post I must concur with the go with whatever you feel is best line as voiced by many people. :biggrin:
 
  • #37
wow incredible how off-topic this has gotten.
 
  • #38
rocketboy said:
wow incredible how off-topic this has gotten.
Don't you like pickles? :confused:
 
  • #39
Physics is Phun said:
she asked, 'have you said I love you yet? it'll make her really happy'
.
see rule #1
 
  • #40
arildno said:
Don't you like pickles? :confused:

lol, actually i don't. but hamburgers still taste good without them.edit: I'm guessing i completely missed a PF inside joke there?
 
  • #41
I hate pickles. I had an awesome cheeseburger last night though and they tried to dump some pickles on me and i was like "dream on sucka".
 
  • #42
rocketboy said:
edit: I'm guessing i completely missed a PF inside joke there?
Yes, we've had several discussions about pickles. Also, I LOVE pickles and Arildno's mom makes her own pickles, from how Arildno describes them, I'm just dying to taste one.

Oh, and to stay on topic, "I love you rocketboy".
 
  • #43
Evo said:
Oh, and to stay on topic, "I love you rocketboy".

Cheating on me :cry: :cry: :cry:
 
  • #44
Pengwuino said:
I hate pickles. I had an awesome cheeseburger last night though and they tried to dump some pickles on me and i was like "dream on sucka".
Hardees puts SWEET pickles on their $6 burger. That's sacrilege. Not to mention gross, disgusting and WRONG.
 
  • #45
Pengwuino said:
Cheating on me :cry: :cry: :cry:
I'm polyamorous. :redface:

But I love you more. :-p
 
  • #46
Evo said:
But I love you more. :-p
More than what? Penguins?:-p
 
  • #47
Evo said:
Yes, we've had several discussions about pickles. Also, I LOVE pickles and Arildno's mom makes her own pickles, from how Arildno describes them, I'm just dying to taste one.

Oh, and to stay on topic, "I love you rocketboy".

Wow, and it wasn't even an intimate moment...

PhysicsIsPhun I have found your teacher!
 
  • #48
On a related note, I've noticed that the whole "I love you thing" is very strongly bound by cultural factors. It's seems to be a bigger deal in the US than in most of continental Europe. The question I have now for you people, is the following : how do you people feel about the phrase in a friendly (i.e. non-romantic) context?

I have a couple of good friends who happen to be of the female persuasion. From time to time I let them know that I love them, because I do as a friend, and they do the same. My impression is that this is a big nono in the Anglo-Saxon world. Is this correct?
 
  • #49
Dimitri Terryn said:
On a related note, I've noticed that the whole "I love you thing" is very strongly bound by cultural factors. It's seems to be a bigger deal in the US than in most of continental Europe. The question I have now for you people, is the following : how do you people feel about the phrase in a friendly (i.e. non-romantic) context?
It's fine in the platonic or fraternal context.

Dimitri Terryn said:
I have a couple of good friends who happen to be of the female persuasion. From time to time I let them know that I love them, because I do as a friend, and they do the same. My impression is that this is a big nono in the Anglo-Saxon world. Is this correct?
Again it depends on the context. I say "I love you" to my wife, but that has a completely different meaning that if I use with a close friend or family member. I might just say "Love You" with a close friend or family member - and that simply indicates a great deal of affection in the context of that particular relationship.

I think there are many people in Anglo-Saxon culture, who do have problems with expressing affection, possibly due to a sense of fear or insecurity. I've seen parents who have had trouble showing affection to their children, which to me is strange.
 
  • #50
Dimitri Terryn said:
On a related note, I've noticed that the whole "I love you thing" is very strongly bound by cultural factors. It's seems to be a bigger deal in the US than in most of continental Europe. The question I have now for you people, is the following : how do you people feel about the phrase in a friendly (i.e. non-romantic) context?

I have a couple of good friends who happen to be of the female persuasion. From time to time I let them know that I love them, because I do as a friend, and they do the same. My impression is that this is a big nono in the Anglo-Saxon world. Is this correct?
It is normal for me to tell a friend that I feel affection for (platonic) that I love them.

Here some people are afraid that if you tell someone that you love them, it's some form of life long obligation.

To me there is a difference between saying "I love you" (platonic) and I am in love with you" (romantic).
 
  • #51
that was a good two pages about pickles :-p
ANYWAYS
That was, quite possibly, the stupidest thing I've ever done.
I don't know what made me think it would be a good idea.
So i was dropping her off at her house. We kissed goodnight and then I told her...
now, about an hour earlier we were still at my house. we were making out in my basement and she stopped and told me she didn't want to take things fast, and she was scared that I was just going to hurt her like the last guy. I told her that's never going to happen, and that I'm not in any hurry to do anything anyways. I took her home.
So, for some reason I thought telling her would help in my showing that I cared about her and that I was serious and would never cheat on her.
BUT, I'm pretty sure she took that as a sign of me trying to speed things up, and right after we talked about taking things slowly.
I told her and she said "oh (insert name), you don't know that yet." and then kissed me again. I said I DID know that (which I do) and I've know her long enough to be sure. she said "thanks" :bugeye: and left.

you know what I hate? how for 7 months that we've been best friends together means apparently nothing because now we're in "a relationship". that really pisses me off. and how can she think I would ever cheat on her? I haven't even been with her for the last 7 months and I didn't want to be with anyone else!

Now I don't know what to do to make it better. we talked for a few minutes on msn this moring. I'm not bringing it up on msn, but i'll have to talk to her on the phone about it, cause I won't see her again for a couple weeks (i'm in school). She seemed fine this morning. there was an apparent lack of *hearts* being sent. (i would dare her to do that now!) I hope i haven't messed anything up. I just don't understand what she's afraid of though. I've never done anything to make her not trust me. and it hurts me that she would say that she's afraid I'm going to hurt her.
 
  • #52
Sorry to hear about what happened, that's really weird because she seemed to be hinting at it pretty strongly. Sounds like she has some issues, just back off and wait things out.
 
  • #53
yesterday on msn she actually said "I LOVE YOU" (capital letters) because i suggested we go to this restaurant that she really had a craving for at the time.
WTF! :confused: :mad: :cry: :!)
 
  • #54
Physics is Phun said:
I told her and she said "oh (insert name), you don't know that yet." and then kissed me again. I said I DID know that (which I do) and I've know her long enough to be sure. she said "thanks" and left.
then
Physics is Phun said:
yesterday on msn she actually said "I LOVE YOU" (capital letters) because i suggested we go to this restaurant that she really had a craving for at the time.
WTF! :confused: :mad: :cry: :!)
She needed time to process what you were saying. You put yourself in an awkward position, but dropping her off and not giving yourself time to explain. On the other hand, once she heard "I LOVE YOU", then I don't think she would have been receptive to an explanation.
Physics is Phun said:
you know what I hate? how for 7 months that we've been best friends together means apparently nothing because now we're in "a relationship". that really pisses me off. and how can she think I would ever cheat on her?
History - hers - not yours.
Physics is Phun said:
I haven't even been with her for the last 7 months and I didn't want to be with anyone else!
Communication and Honesty the keys to meaningful, fulfilling and successful relationships. Of course, Communication and Honesty don't guarantee that a particular relationship will succeed, but without either, a relationship is guaranteed to fail.
 
  • #55
Astronuc said:
then
She needed time to process what you were saying. You put yourself in an awkward position, but dropping her off and not giving yourself time to explain. On the other hand, once she heard "I LOVE YOU", then I don't think she would have been receptive to an explanation.
History - hers - not yours.
Communication and Honesty the keys to meaningful, fulfilling and successful relationships. Of course, Communication and Honesty don't guarantee that a particular relationship will succeed, but without either, a relationship is guaranteed to fail.

she said "I LOVE YOU" to me yesterday afternoon, before i told her last night...I'm not quite sure if you interpreted that right...i think so though. To be honest, I didn't think i'd need to have an explanation, i sure got that wrong.

how can she say it to me all the time, but be so unreceptive and surprised when I tell her? I'm just so confused.
 
  • #56
Physics is Phun said:
how can she say it to me all the time, but be so unreceptive and surprised when I tell her?
She could have issues as Evo mentioned.

When she says it she knows what she means, even though you may not.

When you say, you know what you mean, but she doesn't - on the other hand, she may interpret the meaning differently.

Physics is Phun said:
I'm just so confused.
Yeah - most people seem to be about this subject.

Male-female relationships are not rocket science - rocket science is way more easy! :biggrin:
 
  • #57
on the other hand, she may interpret the meaning differently.
apparently that's the case. either that or she can love me but I can't love her...or maybe it's the other way around. Either way that doesn't make much sense. :confused:
 
  • #58
Physics is Phun said:
for some reason I thought telling her would help in my showing that I cared about her and that I was serious and would never cheat on her.
Well perhaps that is the issue!

If you care for her and are serious, I assume that means that you intent to marry her sometime in the future, then just tell her that.

Caring for someone and loving someone are two entirely different things.
Loving someone has to do with your feelings not about your behavior towards her.

In my opinion love is not an argument for a relationship.

Evo said:
To me there is a difference between saying "I love you" (platonic) and I am in love with you" (romantic).
I second that.

In my opinion being "in love" is about the worst argument for a relationship.

Arguments for a relationship are trust, caring, compatibility, comittment, mutual interests etc.

Anyway that's just how I see it,
 
Last edited:
  • #59
Arguments for a relationship are trust, caring, compatibility, comittment, mutual interests etc
Well we already have that from our friendship. And I wanted her to know that I also loved her.
Apparently that was a mistake.
I don't know what to do now. How do I fix it? can I take it back? I don't want to, but if that will make it better I will!
 
  • #60
Astronuc said:
Male-female relationships are not rocket science - rocket science is way more easy! :biggrin:

THANK GOD!
 

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