Science Humor: A Wide Selection

[franznietzsche]

A funny joke...

Sadly i think that you could pass that through the media to the American people and they would buy it. Not as much out of gullibility as much as out the cultural antipathy towards intelligence and anyone who enjoys learning for its own sake.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Q: What did the Nuclear Physicist have for lunch?
A: Fission Chips.

 

[Vadim]

Q:What is the coefficient of friction of a cat?
A: Mu

Q:What is the maximum speed a computer can attain falling through an atmosphere?
A:Terminal velocity.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

It is a bad sign when your physics grade is a complex number - having both a real and an imaginary part!

 

[Imparcticle]

Why do doctors and lawyers call what they do a "practice"?

...makes you feel kind of safe doesn't it?...

 

[check]

http://home.comcast.net/~fsteiger/cartoon.gif

 

[Ivan Seeking]

The guy on the left looks evil to me.

 

[BobG]

A student, having had his fill with drawing graph after graph in senior high math class, told his teacher:
Mrs. Jones, I'll do algebra, I'll do trig, and I'll even do statistics, but graphing is where I draw the line!

 

[Imparcticle]

It has been discovered that research causes cancer in laboratory rats.

Q: How do you tell the sex of a chromosome?
A: Pull down its genes.

this is funny too (and a little mean):
http://www.juliantrubin.com/imagesb/bushorchimp.jpg

 

[Chronos]

Lawyer: Dr. Jones, you said you saw the accident.
Dr. Jones: Yes, I did.
Lawyer: And it occurred right around midnight?
Dr. Jones: Yes, it did.
Lawyer: Midnight? Hmmm. Just how old are you?
Dr. Jones: 80
Lawyer: Congratulations! I hope to live so long. So tell me, do you feel a bit weaker, a bit slower, a bit harder of hearing than you were 20 years ago?
Dr. Jones: Yes.
Lawyer: Probably can't see as well, either?
Dr. Jones: Correct.
Lawyer: Be honest, now. Just how far can you see?
Dr. Jones: I can see the moon. How far is that? And it was full that night.

 

[Nylex]

What do you get if you cross a pig and a rat? Pig rat sin θ. I found this on the wall of one of the cubicles of the toilets in the Physics building at university. Terrible!

 

[Hurkyl]

Schrödinger's horse n. a strange creature that only appears dead once you've seen it a few times.

 

[Quantum_Prodegy]

Gotta love high school...

So there's a chicken and an egg in bed right, the egg rolls off the chicken, lights a cigarette and says "well, I guess we solved that riddle".

 

[The Bob]

...and an egg in bed right, the...

What is a Bed Right?

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[Quantum_Prodegy]

the word 'right' is irrelevant to the joke, its just how its told "...and an egg in bed, the..." u can emit it, its just how the joke was told to me.

 

[Quantum_Prodegy]

oh come on does nobody get my joke? I thought it was funny...:D

 

[cronxeh]

*shakes head*

 

[tribdog]

oh come on does nobody get my joke? I thought it was funny...:D

I'm not an expert on humor, but I thought it was extremely funny, not your joke, watching you try explaining it and begging for laughs. THAT! is the true comedy.

 

[The Bob]

I'm not an expert on humor, but I thought it was extremely funny, not your joke, watching you try explaining it and begging for laughs. THAT! is the true comedy.

I agree. You took the attention away from the joke by adding the right for [myself] to comment on.

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[Quantum_Prodegy]

I'm not an expert on humor...

obviously neither am i...

 

[Ivan Seeking]

oh come on does nobody get my joke? I thought it was funny...:D

I thought it was funny enough to immediately forward it to friends and family.

 

[DrKareem]

In a scientific lecture, the lecturer wanted to get the scientists attention. He said "Pi is exactly three!" and all the scientists looked in amazement



:zzz:

 

[Hypercase]

DrKareem been watching the simpsons have u?? ;)

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Relativists admit that the bible contains the "gospel truth".

 

[Ivan Seeking]

The Malloy Factor is the rate at which high energy physics experiments convert entire civilizations into little black holes. This also explains the origins of dark matter.

 

[Imparcticle]

Teacher : What's 7Q + 3Q ?
Student: 10Q
Teacher: haha. Your welcome.

 

[Mentat]

oh come on does nobody get my joke? I thought it was funny...:D

It was hilarious . I just got through wiping the tears from my eyes.

 

[Quantum_Prodegy]

woohoo

 

[gerben]

Gotta love high school...

So there's a chicken and an egg in bed, the egg rolls off the chicken, lights a cigarette and says "well, I guess we solved that riddle".

but... how did they solve any riddle? (let alone the "chicken or the egg" riddle)

 

[Mentat]

Grafitti on a college wall (for real):

To be is to do - Immanuel Kant
To be or not to be - William Shakespeare
Do-be-do-be-do - Frank Sinatra