Seagull Jokes

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I think the bird that has been most neglected as subject matter for jokes is the seagull. I've watched them alot, and they're just asking for it.

However, no comedians have stepped up to the plate. What other thing or subject do you feel has been mysteriously missed by humorists?
 

hypnagogue

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If there's a bird that needs to be made fun of, it's the one in this attachment. I hear it's in the process of negotiating a contract to star in a film called "Grumpy Old Birds," co-starring Walter Matthau playing the part of a cogdery Dodo. I took this picture at a zoo in DC, whereupon the old man bird shook a cane at me angrily and gave me what-for.

As for other neglected topics in comedy, how about airplane food? Or the plastic things at the end of shoelaces? I mean, what's the deal?
 

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hypnagogue said:
If there's a bird that needs to be made fun of, it's the one in this attachment.
Despite its grumpy appearance, I think that bird is kind of cool. I wouldn't mind having one of those on patrol in the back yard here to keep skunks away from the stray cat food. Do you remember what it's called? I kinda like the blue.
 

hypnagogue

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zoobyshoe said:
Do you remember what it's called?
No, sorry. I only know it as 'the old man bird.' You can get an appreciation for that in the picture, but you really have to see it up close in person. Its resemblence to an old man is striking.

If you don't want to poke fun at that old man-bird, how about this one?
 

Evo

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zoobyshoe said:
to keep skunks away from the stray cat food.
I also have problems with stray cat food coming into my yard. :grumpy: Sometimes I open my front door and find piles of it.
 
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Evo said:
I also have problems with stray cat food coming into my yard. :grumpy: Sometimes I open my front door and find piles of it.
Nocturnally roving colonies of pelleted animal food can be a serious matter. It's one of those cases where a non-native species is introduced and takes over. Some states are discussing letting people turn their household pets out at night untill this problem is eradicated. In the meantime, keep windows closed, and stuff a towel into the crack beneath your garage door.
 
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Evo said:
I also have problems with stray cat food coming into my yard. :grumpy: Sometimes I open my front door and find piles of it.
:rofl: I was scratching my head on that one for a minute. Took me a while to make the connection. :rofl:

Hypnagogues shoelace coverings are a good idea. I think the airplane food has been done before.

Seagulls are pretty funny. A friend of mine claimed to have seen one eat a Big Mac from the parking lot of MacDonalds in one gulp. Then there's the story about throwing alkaseltzer to seagulls and watching them explode because they cannot flatulate. Bodily functions are always funny.

Albatri??

I think some entymological jokes might be good. Insects have some very strange behaviors that might translate funnily if compared with humans. Bol weevils and dung beetles. Gadflys and ant lions.

Zoobies are pretty funny too.
 
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Danger

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zoobyshoe said:
I think the bird that has been most neglected as subject matter for jokes is the seagull. However, no comedians have stepped up to the plate.
Red Skelton always had his seagull routines featuring Gertrude and Heathcliff. They were actually jokes told by seagulls rather than about them, but at least they were factored in.

hypnagogue said:
I only know it as 'the old man bird.'
It looks like someone tie-dyed a pelican.

Evo said:
I also have problems with stray cat food coming into my yard. :grumpy:
:rofl: Nice catch! I didn't even notice that one. :biggrin:

Huckleberry said:
Then there's the story about throwing alkaseltzer to seagulls and watching them explode because they cannot flatulate.
Evo's gonna hate me for this, but... my friend's father-in-law used to wrap Drano in moist bread and throw it off the dock. A seagull would invariably snatch it out of the air and fly off, then start spiralling with smoke trailing from its ass and eventually drop like a rock. I didn't appprove, but it does sort of remind me of WWII air battle footage.
 
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Danger said:
Red Skelton always had his seagull routines featuring Gertrude and Heathcliff.
Those names, Gertrude and Heathcliff sound so familiar, but I was pretty damned young when he was on. All I remember of him was "Freddie the Freeloader".

Whenever an animal is the focal point of a big movie, jokes about that kind of animal become popular. Shark jokes after Jaws ("Land shark!"), whale jokes after Free Willy. I think if we went back and looked at everything after The Birds we might find more seagull jokes. If there were more, they probably died out as a genre since real seagulls have no homocidal tendencies.
 

Ivan Seeking

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I would expect there to be a lot of seagull jokes; people being so gullible and all. :uhh:

There was a time of Jonathan Livingston Seagull jokes, but as per the old timers thread, I don't seem to recall any of them.

A little girl and her dad are walking along on the beach when they happen upon a dead seagull lying on the wet sand. The little girl looked at her father with big tearful eyes and sobbed, "daddy, what happened to the little bird?". "Don't worry", replied the father with a confident tone, "the bird died and went to heaven". This didn't seem to console the child. So when the father asked what was wrong, the daughter replied, "did God throw him back?".
 
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The only seagull joke I heard of and remember was the Far Side comic about a seagull artist painting a lot of seagulls flying around a mountain of garbage.
 

hypnagogue

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BicycleTree's last post, along with the bird theme, inspires me to post this deep thought by Jack Handy:

Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk.
 

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