Suicide,it doesn't get better,or does it ?

[whyevengothere]

I generally feel somewhat happy with my life,but sometimes reality just hits you in the face, and you realize that you're most likely not going be able to do what you want to do , or be who you want to be. You just don't have the money , the upbringing,or the skills needed to do anything. You've just spend most of your formative years wiring your brain to procrastinate,and you want to end it all .
How do you get the motivation back? How do get back that feeling of awe for universe?
How do you rewire your brain to be better at what you like?
The appropriate solution is to flush my dreams down the toilet , and live a life that's been lived a billion times before.
Anything better?
P.S By the way ,all this is motivated by how much I hate high school,I don't want to go back, it's really a very depressing place. It's not a place for learning ideas,It's just for learning how to pass exams.

 

[phinds]

Dispair of that kind could be a sign of clinical depression, so I'd suggest you consult with your doctor regardless of whatever else you find you can do.

 

[vemvare]

The perhaps most important question is, how old are you? Changing one's "personality", or at least the more plastic parts of it, takes a lot of effort but it is possible.

 

[whyevengothere]

Dispair of that kind could be a sign of clinical depression, so I'd suggest you consult with your doctor regardless of whatever else you find you can do.

It's a third world country here, doctors don't cure anything ,they just cost a lot ,and even make things worse sometimes.

 

[whyevengothere]

The perhaps most important question is, how old are you? Changing one's "personality", or at least the more plastic parts of it, takes a lot of effort but it is possible.

About eighteen years old...how do I do that ?

 

[quantum_smile]

Take this as advice from someone who was extremely depressed during high school and thought exactly the same ideas you're expressing now -- Do your absolute best to get out of whatever environment you're in.
If you're 18 already, aren't you going to graduate from high school soon? At least for me, college is drastically less stressful and has less of a memorize-everything sort of attitude.

 

[Choppy]

How do you get the motivation back? How do get back that feeling of awe for universe?
How do you rewire your brain to be better at what you like?

Try doing something differently. Try something new. And remember that not everything in life is going to fill you with awe.

The appropriate solution is to flush my dreams down the toilet , and live a life that's been lived a billion times before.
Anything better?

I'm not sure flushing your dreams down the toilet is an appropriate solution.

P.S By the way ,all this is motivated by how much I hate high school,I don't want to go back, it's really a very depressing place. It's not a place for learning ideas,It's just for learning how to pass exams.

The first thing to keep in mind is that you're going to mature - even if its seems like you're as mature as you're going to get at the moment. And what I mean by mature is that your dreams are going to change as you get more experience in the world. For most people they tend to get more realistic with time.

If you read a lot of posts around these forums you'll see that a lot of young people start out with an interest in physics for example that's heavily influenced by popular science books. A lot of physics majors start out wanting to study black holes, cosmology, string theory, quantum paradoxes and that kind of thing. There's nothing wrong with this and some even maintain those desires as they continue in their education. But a lot will also discover other, less popular fields and develop an interested in the problems in those fields - particularly as they gain experience working in them.

With respect to high school, keep in mind that it ends. It may seem like a long way off, but you'll get through it eventually and will be able to put the whole experience behind you.

 

[jim hardy]

You've just spend most of your formative years wiring your brain to procrastinate,and you want to end it all .

Yep that's a common enough mistake. Especially in today's distracted world..

How do you get the motivation back?

What worked for me was constantly telling l myself "I ain't much, but i will become the best i can be." And go to work on doing that.

How do you rewire your brain to be better at what you like?

is related to this

It's not a place for learning ideas,It's just for learning how to pass exams.

It's easy to declare school unworthy of your effort, reject and walk away from it. That way the failure doesn't seem your fault.
Giving yourself permission to have an honest failure is one thing, but deciding beforehand to fail guarantees it and that's dishonest because you know inside you're better than that.

If instead you suck it up and put effort into not just passing those exams but acing them;
Then you're in a position of superiority and can honestly say "It was unworthy of my effort but i did it if only to prove it was trivial. "
Then you can make a valedictorian's speech to that effect if you want. Our valedictorian gave a speech on "mediocrity" and how it creeps up on us to become accepted as the norm - in hindsight not bad for 1964.

How do get back that feeling of awe for universe?

Start by doing kind things , small ones to start. Open doors for women, say a kind word to cashiers, see how many smiles you can collect from other folks in the course of a day. Help someone change a flat tire. Try to bring cheer to conversations not cynicism..

Observe that a lot of people actually feel good inside.
You should too.

Life isn't easy.
Eric Hoffer wrote:

“Man staggers through life yapped at by his reason, pulled and shoved by his appetites, whispered to by fears, beckoned by hopes. Small wonder that what he craves most is self-forgetting.”

It takes some work to become happy. Must un-learn some old behaviors.
Success is a series of little daily victories. Have at it.

old jim himself

PS Let us know how the first day of "The New and Improved Me" went. How many smiles did you rack up ?

 

[StatGuy2000]

It's a third world country here, doctors don't cure anything ,they just cost a lot ,and even make things worse sometimes.

Could you clarify where you are located? Many of the posters here on PF, including myself, live in Western countries (Canada, US, UK, France, Netherlands, etc.), and so their experiences might not match with yours.