Toxic Friends: People Endure Poisonous Pals

[rhody]

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/44205822/ns/today-today_health/t/toxic-friends-people-endure-poisonous-pals/"

They belittle and backbite and drive us batty with their soul-sucking behavior. Who are these hideous people? Our ... um ... friends, according to a joint survey conducted by TODAY.com and SELF magazine.

We asked our readers to come clean about these prickly — and at times, poisonous — relationships and got an earful from 18,000 women and 4,000 men.

In fact, 84 percent of women — and 75 percent of men — said they'd had a toxic friend at some point, with 1 in 3 survey takers fessing up to a toxic BFF.

Just how bad are our so-called friends? Sixty-five percent of you have been stuck with a self-absorbed sidekick (easily recognized by their fondness for the words "I, me, mine") while 59 percent have been buds with one of those draining emotional vampire types.

"I recommended a woman I knew for a job and she'd come in and you'd say hello and she'd sigh and grunt and tell you she had a headache or a back ache," says Lucia Patritto, a 53-year-old educator from Ironwood, Mich. "We're a positive bunch at work, but she was like this emotional wet blanket. She wasn't just a pill; she was a suppository. You could practically hear the Debbie Downer music."

Overly critical chums were next on the toxic friend hit list, with 55 percent of people having to suffer through their self-righteous stinkeyes or critical tirades.

Friends who undermined with insults or backhanded compliments came in at No. 4, with 45 percent admitting they were buds with a backstabber.

So here is a small taste, I am sure you have many interesting stories. I hope this thread has a long happy toxic life. hehe...

Rhody...

 

[Evo]

I've had to scrape off some people that latched onto me.

 

[dlgoff]

I've had to scrape off some people that latched onto me.

I'm glad I'm retired and sort of secluded out here. No more scraping for me.

 

[turbo]

Relatives are the worst, though I have have had to cut loose some "friends" that took advantage of my trust. One jerk used to tell his wife (A woman that I loved!) that he was staying with me when in fact I hadn't even seen him in weeks. When I found that out, I cut him off.

 

[Pengwuino]

People who go to the chat room know about my toxic friends.

 

[micromass]

Yeah, and there's this guy in chat every sunday who always complains about his toxic friends and stupid students. We should permanently ban hi... Oh, hi peng!

 

[Pengwuino]

Yeah, and there's this guy in chat every sunday who always complains about his toxic friends and stupid students. We should permanently ban hi... Oh, hi peng!

DOOD. So I got my evaluations for last semester. I kept getting "Jonathan is so nice, he knows his stuff, he always helps, he's very nice, etc etc blah blah blah". Then one random person said "He is pretentious and arrogant".

What the hell. Talk about a toxic student.

 

[micromass]

DOOD. So I got my evaluations for last semester. I kept getting "Jonathan is so nice, he knows his stuff, he always helps, he's very nice, etc etc blah blah blah". Then one random person said "He is pretentious and arrogant".

What the hell. Talk about a toxic student.

That was probably the student with whom you stapled a mcdonalds application to his lab report...

 

[Willowz]

Pff, who needs friends when you can love yourself. =]

 

[Pengwuino]

Pff, who needs friends when you can love yourself. =]

Perv.

 

[Willowz]

*Pretentious and subjective comment.*

 

[rhody]

Perv.

One word answers aren't going to cut it, Interesting stories are what this thread is supposed to be about about. No more posts less than three meaningful sentences or more. Now, that's an order... so.. get busy and bring it...

Rhody...

 

[Pengwuino]

One word answers aren't going to cut it, Interesting stories are what this thread is supposed to be about about. No more posts less than three meaningful sentences or more. Now, that's an order... so.. get busy and bring it...

Rhody...

Yes sir!

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Note that this is not a scientific survey. People with stories to tell were surely more likely to respond.

A person is lucky to have a few true friends over the course of their life.

 

[lisab]

I don't mind people who muck things up a bit. Problem is, people who muck things up tend to be emotionally unstable and abuse friendships, and I can't handle that.

 

[dlgoff]

One word answers aren't going to cut it, Interesting stories are what this thread is supposed to be about about. No more posts less than three meaningful sentences or more. Now, that's an order... so.. get busy and bring it...

Rhody...

Hell. I was married to one. Child Support=Gambling fund

 

[Borek]

That was probably the student with whom you stapled a mcdonalds application to his lab report...

Nah, it was the only student who recognized Peng at PF chat, and learned what he REALLY thinks.

Even if I ever had toxic friends, they are long gone from my life. So long I don't remember them.

 

[chiro]

I don't have the time or energy to put up with the emotional drainers, or the other types.

As a result I live in a kind of relative isolation, and I'm a lot happier with a certain "inner peace" now, but then again for most of my life I have more or less lived in relative obscurity.

It's funny though because many times I find that people in large groups can act really really stupid, but when you talk to people one on one, you often find that they can be a different person, often better than what they are in the spotlight.

I think its healthy in a way though to keep meeting different kinds of people and not sticking with the same bunch your whole life: you get more of a perspective on life in general and you begin to realize what is really "out there" in terms of the world.

 

[Loren Booda]

Those who require drugs in a friendship with a person trying to quit -- literally toxic!

Distant second place, people you love who manipulate.

Third, co-dependents (see second).

 

[physics girl phd]

"At one point." If they're counting the pre-K to 12 years... ... ... well, why isn't it 100%?

 

[rhody]

Since I started this, I have to add my story, greatly consolidated, but the essence will be maintained. We had long time social friends, over 12 years, a couple, fairly close, multiple cruises taken together, many hours spent together socially, I would consider us fairly close and solid. Long story short, wife suspects husband of infidelity, goes a little bit nuts. As this plays itself out, I remain neutral, and have normal communication with both. They eventually work out their problems, get back together.

Before the reconciliation, wife of friend confesses that every few years a number of people she knows she simply walks away from for a myriad number of reasons. We were to have dinner with just the husband and my wife calls to make sure it is ok with her. She says yes, no problem, but during dinner calls and is hysterical, which is then followed by a number of nasty e-mails, and after that all contact with us as a couple is broken.

In the meantime my wife, being treated for cancer never receives a phone call, card, e-mail from the our friend's wife. She never apologized, never explained why she did it. All that we know for sure to this day is that she had done it before, then did it to us, and is probably doing it to others who she feels threatened by or because she cannot deal with her own situation in a rational mature manner. Just goes to show that you think you really know people. You don't until you have seen them through the worst life has to offer. If they are still your friend's after that, consider yourself a true friend. If not, you never really knew them at all.

Rhody...

 

[MarcoD]

I've never used the term 'toxic' myself.

 

[dlgoff]

Just goes to show that you think you really know people. You don't until you have seen them through the worst life has to offer.

You got that right.

I had plenty friends of my father offer me their phone numbers; if there was anything they could do after learning he had only a few weeks of life left. I did call one who offered to help mom after his death. Excuses, excuses. No help.

But there were members here that helped me through the hard times.

 

[SpringCreek]

Okay I've got a couple of stories. Both of these are people that work where I do but in different departments. Thankfully, I see them infrequently.

The first one is a young guy who confided in me about his career goals. Naturally I took him seriously and listened carefully to him on numerous occasions as he outlined his objectives and enumerated the obstacles and so on. I spent a considerable amount of time doing research and planning that would help him achieve his objectives.

As the months went by he kept changing his targeted future employer. No problem, I thought, he's just zeroing in on the right one. Each time we met he would expound at great length about his objectives, but I noticed that he never took any definite action towards achieving them. Eventually I realized that he was just full of hot air. It's been three years now and he has yet to even apply anywhere. And THEN I found out from another coworker that this guy has had run-ins with the law that preclude him from ever getting the job he wants, and he knows it!

He still goes on and on about it every time I see him. So now I just avoid him.

The second 'friend' recruited me for a part-time position in his department. I resisted at first, but his enthusiasm was so infectious that I finally said yes. As soon as I began working there he began bad-mouthing me to everyone else in the department, telling them I wasn't qualified and didn't have the experience to do the job. Fortunately, everyone thought I was doing a fine job and told me so. They also told me that the guy was reknown for being a snake.

As Seinfeld says, why would anyone want a friend?

 

[DoggerDan]

Just goes to show that you think you really know people. You don't until you have seen them through the worst life has to offer. If they are still your friend's after that, consider yourself a true friend.

My experience has been somewhat reversed. I discovered I didn't really know who my friends are until they'd seen me going through the worst of life. The ones who were still my friends after that were my true friends.

 

[Pengwuino]

As the months went by he kept changing his targeted future employer. No problem, I thought, he's just zeroing in on the right one. Each time we met he would expound at great length about his objectives, but I noticed that he never took any definite action towards achieving them. Eventually I realized that he was just full of hot air. It's been three years now and he has yet to even apply anywhere. And THEN I found out from another coworker that this guy has had run-ins with the law that preclude him from ever getting the job he wants, and he knows it!

Oh I HATE people like this. Or well, with this general trait. They say they want to do this and that and they're going to do whatever, but never really try to achieve anything. Of course it seems like they're always the ones with the most excuses.

 

[Willowz]

Just goes to show that you think you really know people. You don't until you have seen them through the worst life has to offer.

Wise words. Watch out for the fake and unauthentic. Hard to spot in a fascistly correct society.