The Obituary of Common Sense.
We mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who was with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and "maybe it was my fault".
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place and when criminals started receiving better treatment than their victims. He lost the will to live shortly after one could no longer defend oneself from burglars
in one's own home without running the risk of being sued for assault and had a tremendously tough time shortly after people stopped realising that steaming cups of coffee are hot and will burn you when spilled.
When settlements started being handed down in favour of such evolutionary handicapped people as those "attempting to stop blade with hand", Common Sense could bear it no longer and died of a broken heart.
He is survived by three stepbrothers; "I Know My Rights", "Someone Else is to Blame", and "I'm A Victim".
) had I been caught...
I hadn't heard that one yet. I wonder if these incidents happen with new trainees who are over-zealous in performing their job, or if these people really have stayed on the job that long being morons. 
