What Defines Attractiveness in Dating Conversations?

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The discussion explores the meanings of terms like "cute," "hot," "pretty," and "beautiful" in relation to sexual attraction and personality. Participants share that "cute" often implies a youthful charm, while "hot" denotes a strong physical attraction without necessarily indicating long-term relationship potential. "Pretty" and "beautiful" are seen as deeper descriptors, often reflecting character and emotional connection rather than just physical appearance. The conversation also touches on how these terms can vary in meaning based on context and the speaker's personal experiences. Ultimately, the terms are used to convey attraction and appreciation, highlighting the complexity of human relationships.
  • #31
___ said:
I wouldn't call a nice, innocent, charming, beautiful girl "Hot". I would rather call a "sex only material" Hot just like you do. I would not mind calling a prostitute "Hot".
Well, I wouldn't go so far as sex for hire, but more referring to the sex appeal of someone. For instance, I would use it synonymously with "sexy." So, if I'm in a relationship with a guy, and he puts on a really well-tailored suit or tux (I'm a sucker for guys in nice suits), I might tell him he's looking very hot, which wouldn't mean I think of him only for sex, but that his sex appeal was definitely at the forefront of my mind at that particular time, and it's definitely a compliment. But that's different than if I don't know anything about a guy and the ONLY thing I know about him are his looks, in which case, it's a very shallow compliment, and possibly even mildly offensive to say he's hot and not take into consideration anything else about him. I take the comment the same way...if a boyfriend tells me I'm hot, I take it as a compliment, and probably an invitation, but if a stranger comes up to me and tells me I'm hot, I just think he's a creep.
 
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  • #32
I think that all of the words are very context dependant. Cute for example: It could mean cute like a baby or a puppy ("aww, how cute") or be pretty much a synonym for beautiful ("Wow, she's cute!"), or anything in between.

I also think that cute and pretty apply more to facial characterictics, where as hot describes both face and body.
 
  • #33
Moonbear said:
It certainly isn't the way SpaceTiger and I use it. It doesn't mean we couldn't discover someone was more later, but at first, it does imply we're thinking more along the lines of a sex object than a person when calling someone "hot."

You may be right, but I find it's the adjective guys my age (including myself) most want to be called. I think it carries status and a feeling of control. When I'm called hot, I feel like I have power over the person who said it. On the other hand, when I'm called cute (particularly by someone my age or younger), I actually feel more objectified and less in control of the situation, like a doll to be dressed up and prepared for tea.

Those are just my gut reactions, though. Through experience, I know that girls sometimes use "cute" when they want to be more subtle. Since this is usually a sign of maturity and discretion, it's getting to the point where I think I'd rather be called "cute" by a potential partner.
 
  • #34
SpaceTiger said:
it's getting to the point where I think I'd rather be called "cute" by a potential partner.

Guess what they call you after twenty years.
 
  • #35
Any man I'm attracted to I call "cute". I would only refer to a guy as being "hot" if he was attractive, but not really my type. The only exception to that is a guy I worked with in New Jersey, Steve, he was also a J Crew model. Now, he was HOT and smart and funny.
 
  • #36
I was just reading an article by the anthropologist in the article about love that Astronuc posted in the other thread. I wonder if the ways we use those terms fit into the three categories of lust, attraction, and attachment.
Fisher (1998) has hypothesized that avian and mammalian species have evolved three distinct brain systems for courtship, mating, reproduction and parenting. [66] 1) The sex drive [lust] is characterized by a craving for sexual gratification. 2) Attraction (favoritism, sexual preference, or mate choice) is characterized by focussed attention on a preferred partner, heightened energy, motivation and goal-oriented courtship behaviors. 3) Attachment is characterized by the maintenance of proximity to a mating partner, affiliative gestures and expressions of calm when in social contact with this mating partner, separation anxiety when apart, and parental behaviors such as territory defense, nest building, mutual feeding, grooming and other parental chores.[67,68,69,70]
Each of these motivation-emotion systems, lust, attraction and attachment, is associated with a different constellation of brain circuits, different behavior patterns and different affective states. Each varies according to the reproductive stategy of each species. And each motivation-emotion system evolved to play a distinct role in reproduction.[71] The sex drive evolved principally to motivate individuals to seek sexual union with any appropriate member of the species. Attraction evolved to motivate individuals to select among potential mating partners, prefer particular conspecifics, and focus their courtship attention on this/these individuals, thereby making a mate choice. And the neural circuitry for adult male/female attachment evolved primarily to motivate individuals to sustain these affiliative connections long enough to complete species-specific parental duties.[72]
-- http://homepage.mac.com/helenfisher/matechoice.html#_ftnref1
To admit more of the rational/intellectual aspects of human behavior, if you look at friendships that include sex, I think that lust, attraction, and attachment probably correspond to friendships based on utility, pleasure, and character, respectively. It seems that, instead of three, some of you have two categories: short-term and long-term. Is that accurate? Or is there maybe a third: very short-term?

I can't see myself using handsome or elegant very often. I think I would use them to stress that someone looks like a responsible adult, as I might want to tell my little brother at his wedding or something. Otherwise, it means to me something more like stuffy, conventional, or materialistic, i.e. I would say it to 'be nice' while thinking that our values or priorities were probably too different.

I think I would usually use charming, smooth, and suave to suggest that someone might be insincere or trying to manipulate me. I'd use these jokingly too.

I usually use hot, sexy, and words that describe something that tastes good, e.g. scrumptious, delicious, yummy, when I'm thinking primarily (though not necessarily exclusively) of sex or of someone as being pleasurable to the senses. I think I use them most often in a playful manner, as I might use hunk, beefcake, or other words that might be offensive if used seriously. If I did use them seriously, it would probably be as the first in a sequence of increasingly less subtle hints or during whatever I expect to follow as a consequence of those hints -- perhaps in extreme cases, it would serve just as a warning not to move because I'm about to jump him where he stands. :biggrin:

Me calling someone a good person is basically another (I imagine less scary) way of saying that I love them -- in the 'I'm glad I met you, I care about you, and I want you to be happy' way, not in the 'so when are you buying me my ring? I'll type up a list tomorrow of all the things you're no longer allowed to do' way. Virtues or character traits, e.g. kind, sweet, honest, fair, friendly, courageous, funny, etc., add up to me thinking that someone is a good person.

I think beauty is what turns people into poets, whatever form their poetry takes. If I were to call a man beautiful, it would mean that I was willing to make sacrifices or take pains in order to protect or save him from harm, that he was worth preserving, like the beauty in my signature.

Cute is my personal favorite and most versatile word. It's probably easiest to explain each form by what usually prompts its use.

Cute, in the most generic sense : he gets my attention.
Cute, preceded by 'aw' : he makes me smile a sweet, heart-warming kind of smile.
Cute, preceded by 'oh' or 'so' : he makes me smile a sweet, slightly devilish kind of smile.
Cute, preceded by 'oh so' : he is approaching being too cute (see below).
Really cute : he makes me seriously appreciate his cuteness.
Cuteness, as in 'Hello, cuteness' : I think this one is random.
Cutie McCuterson : he has ingested something dangerous and needs to regurgitate it.
Cute, preceded by 'mm' : he is dangerously close to being too cute.
Too cute : he is too cute for me to admit what I'm thinking about doing to him.
Mmm : the resources that are usually used to select the most appropriate form of cuteness to describe him have been redirected to thinking of more things that I want to do to him.

Yeah, I should probably stop there.
 
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  • #37
mmmm too cute!
 
  • #38
cute: I feel happy whenever I see you or think of you; I might feel like kissing you when you say something really wise or nice!:smile:

Handsome: Get out of my way since I might fall in love with you!(both because of look and personality):devil:

Cool: I'm obsessed with your personality and want to know more about you!

Hot: you really look nice. I don't mind talking to you sometimes.:zzz:

pretty: You look ok. So I don't mind looking at you.o:)

good-looking: meh, I assume your partner wouldn't have any serious problem with your appearance!

Do you need examples?:-p
 
  • #39
honestrosewater said:
I was just reading an article by the anthropologist in the article about love that Astronuc posted in the other thread. I wonder if the ways we use those terms fit into the three categories of lust, attraction, and attachment.
Those look a bit condensed. Since he is speaking of all mammalian species, and not just humans, there are terms already utilized in the animal literature.

In female sexual behavior, Frank Beach coined the terms proceptivity, attractivity and receptivity about a half century ago. Proceptivity refers to what we might also call sexual motivation, or the active seeking out of mates. Attractivity is a passive measurement, in other words, by observing the males, we determine the response elicited by the female. Receptivity is the willingness to mate once a potential mate has been found. (In more anthropomorphic terms, proceptivity would be the tease, and receptivity is sealing the deal.)

Some will not consider attractivity, because it's not really something we can directly measure, but only indirectly measure based on the behaviors of the males.

In male sexual behavior, the two stages are usually referred to as appetitive and consummatory behaviors. Again, referring to the behavior and motivation required for seeking out a mate and actually engaging in the act of mating itself, respectively.

Some will simply use the terms courtship and mating.

What he's calling attraction sounds like everything we lump together in the general category of affiliative behaviors. There are numerous sub-categories of affiliative behaviors, such as pair-bonding (staying with one mate for some amount of time; not necessarily life, but possibly a season or year), parental bonding/behaviors, and other social behaviors with members of the same species.

What's interesting with humans is that there at least appears to be a change in mate-preference with aging. It seems that during and soon after puberty, there is much more of an interest in mating without any pair-bonding. Whether or not people choose to engage in it, the motivation seems to be very high for sexual promiscuity. As we age further, even while still fully reproductively competent, we shift our mating strategy to include more affliliative behaviors (we want to be in a long-term relationship, get married, etc.). This leaves me wondering if there's a biological change with maturation in humans that leads to this change, or if it is a societal pressure.
 
  • #40
SpaceTiger said:
You may be right, but I find it's the adjective guys my age (including myself) most want to be called. I think it carries status and a feeling of control. When I'm called hot, I feel like I have power over the person who said it. On the other hand, when I'm called cute (particularly by someone my age or younger), I actually feel more objectified and less in control of the situation, like a doll to be dressed up and prepared for tea.
You're a cute hot guy. :!) :-p
 
  • #41
Evo said:
You're a cute hot guy.
So I'm a doll with power...that's the best of all.

Look out girls, here comes Chucky! :devil:
 
  • #42
SpaceTiger said:
So I'm a doll with power...that's the best of all.
Look out girls, here comes Chucky! :devil:
Chucky's neither cute or hot. :frown:
 
  • #43
Evo said:
Chucky's neither cute or hot.

Try saying that when he's standing over you brandishing a knife. :devil:
 
  • #44
SpaceTiger said:
Try saying that when he's standing over you brandishing a knife. :devil:
:frown: :cry: I could really use a Teddy Ruxpin right now, I'm going to have nightmares.

Ok, you're hot. :cool:
 
  • #45
Evo said:
Ok, you're hot. :cool:

What about cute?! :mad:

Don't make me brandish more!
 
  • #46
SpaceTiger said:
What about cute?! :mad:
Don't make me brandish more!
And you're cute! And smart and funny!

Now just get Chucky off of me! :cry:
 
  • #47
Evo said:
And you're cute! And smart and funny!
Now just get Chucky off of me! :cry:

*gets off*

Now who else wants some? :devil:
 
  • #48
Hijacking your own thread, huh?:-p
 
  • #49
Lisa! said:
Hijacking your own thread, huh?:-p

No, take it back!

*brandishes*
 
  • #50
SpaceTiger said:
No, take it back!
*brandishes*
:bugeye: We've unleashed a beast!
 
  • #51
Evo said:
:bugeye: We've unleashed a beast!
Yeah, Mr. Maturity and Discretion. :rolleyes: Anywho, that's not a knife. Dangit, where's Paul Hogan when you need him?
 
  • #52
Moonbear said:
Those look a bit condensed.
That's not the whole paper, just part of the conclusion. They (the anthropologist (and lead author) I was talking about is a woman, by the way) actually focus only on attraction, if you want to take a look.

I got the impression that proceptivity included what they call lust and attraction (attraction is selective proceptivity -- does that sound familiar?). But now that I think about it again, I was also under the impression that 'sealing the deal' separated attraction behaviors from attachment behaviors, but maybe they can overlap? Attraction is also called mate choice -- once you've sealed the deal, your choices are over, so to speak. :biggrin: Eh, it's not a big deal, but maybe I'll read it again.
 
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  • #53
honestrosewater said:
Yeah, Mr. Maturity and Discretion.

I don't recall saying that I showed maturity and discretion. And yes, this is a knife.

*waves around a soup spoon*
 
  • #54
SpaceTiger said:
And yes, this is a knife.
*waves around a soup spoon*
Everyone get back! He has cutlery!
 
  • #55
SpaceTiger said:
I don't recall saying that I showed maturity and discretion. And yes, this is a knife.
*waves around a soup spoon*

Wouldn't a spatula or ladle be more effective?
 
  • #56
SpaceTiger said:
I don't recall saying that I showed maturity and discretion. And yes, this is a knife.
*waves around a soup spoon*
Ah, I see you've played knifey-spooney before. For just being unleashed, you still seem awfully wound up. Maybe trib can give you some pointers on how to deal with that.
 
  • #57
SpaceTiger said:
I don't recall saying that I showed maturity and discretion. And yes, this is a knife.
*waves around a soup spoon*
Oh no! Not the spoon! Anything but a spoon! :eek:

Okay, okay, okay, I give up, I'll say it, I'll say it...just promise you'll put away the spoon!

SpaceTiger is a total hunk! :biggrin:

Okay, that should buy me some time while we think of a good definition for hunk.[/size]
 
  • #58
Moonbear said:
Oh no! Not the spoon! Anything but a spoon! :eek:
Okay, okay, okay, I give up, I'll say it, I'll say it...just promise you'll put away the spoon!
SpaceTiger is a total hunk! :biggrin:
Okay, that should buy me some time while we think of a good definition for hunk.[/size]
Oooh, good one hunk=stud muffin. :biggrin:

Space Tiger is a Stud Muffin. o:)
 
  • #59
I approve of this thread.
 
  • #60
SpaceTiger said:
I approve of this thread.
It's not fair, you're a hot, cute, hunky/stud muffin with an awesome intellect and FUNNY. :cry:
 

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