What Defines Attractiveness in Dating Conversations?

[honestrosewater]

We've unleashed a beast!

Yeah, Mr. Maturity and Discretion. Anywho, that's not a knife. Dangit, where's Paul Hogan when you need him?

 

[honestrosewater]

Those look a bit condensed.

That's not the whole paper, just part of the conclusion. They (the anthropologist (and lead author) I was talking about is a woman, by the way) actually focus only on attraction, if you want to take a look.

I got the impression that proceptivity included what they call lust and attraction (attraction is selective proceptivity -- does that sound familiar?). But now that I think about it again, I was also under the impression that 'sealing the deal' separated attraction behaviors from attachment behaviors, but maybe they can overlap? Attraction is also called mate choice -- once you've sealed the deal, your choices are over, so to speak. Eh, it's not a big deal, but maybe I'll read it again.

 

[SpaceTiger]

Yeah, Mr. Maturity and Discretion.

I don't recall saying that I showed maturity and discretion. And yes, this is a knife.

*waves around a soup spoon*

 

[Evo]

And yes, this is a knife.
*waves around a soup spoon*

Everyone get back! He has cutlery!

 

[Astronuc]

I don't recall saying that I showed maturity and discretion. And yes, this is a knife.
*waves around a soup spoon*

Wouldn't a spatula or ladle be more effective?

 

[honestrosewater]

I don't recall saying that I showed maturity and discretion. And yes, this is a knife.
*waves around a soup spoon*

Ah, I see you've played knifey-spooney before. For just being unleashed, you still seem awfully wound up. Maybe trib can give you some pointers on how to deal with that.

 

[Moonbear]

I don't recall saying that I showed maturity and discretion. And yes, this is a knife.
*waves around a soup spoon*

Oh no! Not the spoon! Anything but a spoon!

Okay, okay, okay, I give up, I'll say it, I'll say it...just promise you'll put away the spoon!

SpaceTiger is a total hunk!

Okay, that should buy me some time while we think of a good definition for hunk.[/size]

 

[Evo]

Oh no! Not the spoon! Anything but a spoon!
Okay, okay, okay, I give up, I'll say it, I'll say it...just promise you'll put away the spoon!
SpaceTiger is a total hunk!
Okay, that should buy me some time while we think of a good definition for hunk.[/size]

Oooh, good one hunk=stud muffin.

Space Tiger is a Stud Muffin.

 

[SpaceTiger]

I approve of this thread.

 

[Evo]

I approve of this thread.

It's not fair, you're a hot, cute, hunky/stud muffin with an awesome intellect and FUNNY.

 

[tribdog]

hunk=large mishapen lump
bigger than a chunk

 

[Moonbear]

It's not fair, you're a hot, cute, hunky/stud muffin with an awesome intellect and FUNNY.

Plus he lives close to a place that sells great chocolate! You can't get much better than that.

 

[honestrosewater]

I think he might be cuter in Florida. It's nice and warm down here, and there's plenty to do to help him unwind. They don't call it the Wet n Wild State for no reason. But what do I know? Can we get back on topic: Chucky vs. Dundee. Who ends up on top?

 

[honestrosewater]

hunk=large mishapen lump
bigger than a chunk

Yummy...

 

[SpaceTiger]

Chucky vs. Dundee. Who ends up on top?

Nobody mounts Chucky.

 

[hypnagogue]

Can we get back on topic: Chucky vs. Dundee. Who ends up on top?

Chucky does. [MEDIA=youtube

 

[honestrosewater]

Hey, hypnagogue, where have you been?

Nobody mounts Chucky.

That sounds like a dare.

 

[arildno]

Can we get back on topic: Chucky vs. Dundee. Who ends up on top?

Are you sure that anyone of them is a top?

 

[Aether]

This subject came up in HRW's thread about dating, but I didn't want to drag it off-topic. The question is, what do you mean when you use the words in the subject heading, specifically when in reference to someone of sexual potential?...Feel free to write about other common words -- handsome, attractive...scrumptious. Don't hesitate to give examples, but be nice.

Several people in that thread used the word "gal". I'm sure they didn't realize this at the time, but that word is considered derogatory and racist by some because it has a history as a term that was used by slave-masters in the past. Most people are familiar with how the term "boy" could be interpreted in a derogatory and racist way; same thing with "gal". It's best not to use those words, but at least one should beware of how they might be (mis)interpreted.

 

[DaveC426913]

I have never heard of the words 'gal' and 'boy' being considered derogatory or racist, and I am dubious about your claim that "most people" know this.

Can you point us at some sources?

 

[loseyourname]

I have never heard of the words 'gal' and 'boy' being considered derogatory or racist, and I am dubious about your claim that "most people" know this.

Can you point us at some sources?

I think when an old white guy in Mississippi refers to a black man his own age as "boy," it's considered derogatory. Outside of that, no clue what he means.

 

[Aether]

I have never heard of the words 'gal' and 'boy' being considered derogatory or racist, and I am dubious about your claim that "most people" know this.

Can you point us at some sources?

I learned this from two friends in NC who found those words personally offensive.

Google-ing '"derogatory and racist" gal' yielded this anecdote from the first link: "Everything was fine and dandy until a conversation I had with a woman we’ll call Linda. I ask Linda about the 30-something-year-old “gal” who was sitting next to her earlier in the evening. Linda looks at me like I just dropped in from Pluto. So I repeat myself. This is when things go wrong. Linda tells me that in New Orleans referring to a 35-year-old woman as a “gal” is derogatory and racist. I’m perplexed but I apologize profusely and try to figure out a way to escape the awkwardness or the whole conversation. Linda goes on to tell me that I’m lucky the woman I called a “gal” didn’t hear me utter the word because if she had, I would be as dead as the crawfish in the gumbo. Then I wonder if she’s from Pluto because who on Earth equates “gal” with racism? -- " http://blogs.dmjuice.com/?p=1033#comments

 

[SpaceTiger]

Several people in that thread used the word "gal". I'm sure they didn't realize this at the time, but that word is considered derogatory and racist by some because it has a history as a term that was used by slave-masters in the past. Most people are familiar with how the term "boy" could be interpreted in a derogatory and racist way; same thing with "gal". It's best not to use those words, but at least one should beware of how they might be (mis)interpreted.

I'm with Dave and loseyourname on this one, I've never heard either of those words used in a derogatory manner. I guess it just depends on where you are.

I never use "gal" anyway, and I wouldn't refer to anybody as a boy unless they actually were one.

 

[Aether]

I'm with Dave and loseyourname on this one, I've never heard either of those words used in a derogatory manner. I guess it just depends on where you are.

I never use "gal" anyway, and I wouldn't refer to anybody as a boy unless they actually were one.

It probably does depend on where you are, but like I said "at least one should beware of how they might be (mis)interpreted".

 

[honestrosewater]

Speaking of derogatory terms and misinterpretations, does anyone here ever use terms, say, with your friends, that you would at least hesitate to use in front of the person you were referring to (e.g. babe, chick, dame, doable, doll, fox, knockout, peach, sweetheart)? In what way do you use them? You can tell us.

The only case I can think of for myself, where I might use them seriously, is if I said something sexually suggestive about someone and was embarrassed to tell them, but I can't think of any examples.

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

I use derogatory terms for women all the time in a joking manner. I usually don't care if they hear me or not.
I use the word chick a lot but where I live it really isn't considered derogatory. My favourite though is "broads" and I think I want to start saying "dame" more often.

 

[Hurkyl]

I use the word chick a lot but where I live it really isn't considered derogatory. My favourite though is "broads" and I think I want to start saying "dame" more often.

I fear for the time you're thinking "she's a great girl" and you say "she's a great dame"...

 

[tribdog]

boy is most definitely a derogatory, racist term. And you should never call a black man boy. I've seen someone get his butt kicked for using it. I've never heard the same thing about gal though.

 

[tribdog]

I fear for the time you're thinking "she's a great girl" and you say "she's a great dame"...

He'll get the Shi Tzu kicked out of him.

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

He'll get the Shi Tzu kicked out of him.

So far I have never had a woman get angry with me for making jokes like that. Moonie might though.

 

[tribdog]

So far I have never had a woman get angry with me for making jokes like that. Moonie might though.

Pinscher if she does, then give me a telephone collie. We'll go McNab a tall coolie one, on the otterhound maybe we shouldn't.

 

[honestrosewater]

Yeah, broads is good. Why can't I think of any derogatory terms for men? What kind of civilization is this? Hm, or maybe calling them men is already bad enough.

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

Yeah, broads is good. Why can't I think of any derogatory terms for men? What kind of civilization is this? Hm, or maybe calling them men is already bad enough.

Pigs and dogs are both common derogatory terms for men. You could always just use the same ones they would use for a woman and that should get their goat. "B**ch" is always a good one.

 

[The_Professional]

Pigs and dogs are both common derogatory terms for men. You could always just use the same ones they would use for a woman and that should get their goat. "B**ch" is always a good one.

don't say that b word or the feminista army will send their mafia hit "women" to hunt you down.

 

[hypnagogue]

Hey, hypnagogue, where have you been?

Around, more or less. Haven't had too much time lately for doing the GD thing between other PF work and holidays and research and et cetera. Thanks for noticing the absence though.

And hey... what, no one even bats an eyelash at young Chuck Norris?

 

[Moonbear]

I use derogatory terms for women all the time in a joking manner. I usually don't care if they hear me or not.
I use the word chick a lot but where I live it really isn't considered derogatory. My favourite though is "broads" and I think I want to start saying "dame" more often.

I don't think anyone would get offended if you used the word "dame." They'd be too busy pointing and laughing and wondering what decade you just crawled out of.

If you're with a group of all friends and are sure everyone knows you're just joking, and you know it's just a joke too, then that's quite different from using the words seriously (as long as you can take it as well as dish it).

My step-father was pretty bad about that sort of stuff when he first married my mom. He'd be driving somewhere, and there was always a string of, "Damn women drivers!" or "Where does that dumb broad think she's going?!" and so on. Grrrrr. I managed to get the point across though...by countering every comment like that by pointing out the equally bad male drivers on the road (we lived in NJ, it wasn't hard to find plenty of bad drivers to point out). Even better were the few times he exclaimed, "Woman driver!" and I'd point out it was a guy behind the wheel. Now if he slips up, I can just tell him that if he thinks women are such bad drivers, when he gets too old to drive himself, don't expect me to shuttle him around.

 

[NateTG]

Yeah, broads is good. Why can't I think of any derogatory terms for men? What kind of civilization is this? Hm, or maybe calling them men is already bad enough.

Historically, there are quite a number of derogatory terms for men. Some, like cad or bounder, refer to a lack of tact, troglodyte general manners and coordination, cuckhold to the ability to protect the spouse, and milquetoast to a lack of personality. While it can be applied to both sexes, the derogatory usage of bastard seems to be reserved for males, and is associated with some generic expressions similar to 'son of a gun'. Because english defaults to male, most epithets of the form verb+er are generally reserved for males. (A predicate adjective + noun construct is used for women.) This is analagous to occupations, a male farm worker might be reffered to as a 'fig plucker', while a woman who does the same thing will often be called a 'fig plucking woman'. There are also expressions which involve male anatomy, or refer to practices strongly associated with homosexuality, that are frequently used in a derogatory fashion.

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

(as long as you can take it as well as dish it).

Oooo.. Dish! That's a good one too.
I tend to like the older terms better. I have quite a fondness for the old pulp detective type novels and movies.

 

[NateTG]

Oooo.. Dish! That's a good one too.
I tend to like the older terms better. I have quite a fondness for the old pulp detective type novels and movies.

But I thought dish was complimentary. Although, I suppose it might be objectification.

(Anothony and Cleopatra Act 5 Scene II)
I know that a woman is a dish for the gods,
if the devil dress her not.

 

[honestrosewater]

I hope no one thinks less of me for saying so, but young Chuck Norris is one hot dish. :!)

 

[SpaceTiger]

I hope no one thinks less of me for saying so, but young Chuck Norris is one hot dish.

*pretends not to think less of HRW*

No, that's perfectly normal.

*cough*

*hack*

 

[honestrosewater]

*cough*

*hack*

I already told you you won't get such bad hairballs if you stop licking yourself there...

constantly.

 

[tribdog]

speaking of hairballs. you ever seen a young Chuck Norris topless?

 

[SpaceTiger]

I already told you you won't get such bad hairballs if you stop licking yourself there...

What, now you're jealous of my tongue? Yeesh!

 

[honestrosewater]

What, now you're jealous of my tongue? Yeesh!

Yeah, sure, whatever cranks your pulley.

*cough*

*hack*

Mmm... a young Chuck Norris topless.

 

[LeBrad]

speaking of hairballs. you ever seen a young Chuck Norris topless?

Hairy men are sexy.

 

[Manchot]

Beautiful - Asthetically pleasing. (Camryn Manheim)

Seriously, is that a joke? I mean, she's a good actress, and I liked her in The Practice, but she's by no stretch of the imagination beautiful.

 

[Artman]

speaking of hairballs. you ever seen a young Chuck Norris topless?

Or bottomless for that matter.