Why does my social life suck so much?

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The discussion revolves around the challenges of building a social life after transferring to a new school, particularly for a student focused on academics in math and physics. The individual expresses feelings of loneliness and insecurity, struggling to turn acquaintances into friends due to differing schedules and a lack of shared interests. Suggestions include joining clubs related to personal interests, engaging in social activities, and utilizing academic strengths to connect with peers. The importance of balancing social interactions with academic commitments is emphasized, along with the idea that confidence can be developed over time. Ultimately, fostering social connections is deemed essential for a fulfilling college experience.
  • #211
proton said:
theres a hot girl in one of my smaller classes. there's also a acquaintance/friend in that class, but he's even nerdier than me. ill try to get her to study with us, but the problem is that we've only spoken a couple times, so she may feel uncomfortable with us?

So go up to her and use some physics pick up lines such as:

"Hey baby. Its massive. You know what I'm talking about."

"I'm a physics major too, but I'm no Bohr in bed."

"In my bed its perpetual motion all night long."
 
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  • #212
Poop-Loops said:
Was the pay raise because you had stayed there for a while? Did you get a raise slower than others or did the higher-ups actually tell you that you are getting a raise because you dress nicely. Phd? What's that? I like your tailor. Here is $5k/year extra.



No, when compared to jeans and a t-shirt, a suit will always be uncomfortable. You have that stupid jacket thing to wear, a tie, a button up shirt that you need to tuck in to your pants, and pants that aren't even that great to begin with. And assuming you have feet, you probably need some business-type shoes. Great.

Then you get sent to a cubicle or lab for 8 hours where nobody looks at you.




Note to self: dress nicely = get promotions

Do something useful but dress badly = don't get promoted

Conclusion? People who wear business suits don't necessarily contribute anything to society. Look, I don't see how this is any different than you being passed up for promotions because you are a woman instead of a man. I'm sure you'd get pissed, too. Granted, you can't do anything about that, but how is me changing my wardrobe going to change my productivity? It won't. It's superficial. Why are you all so caught up in something so superficial?

You are being unresonably childish. Wow, you have to button up your shirt... My goodness. Are you that lazy that your shoes are velcro? ...Man, you got to tuck in your pants. Whew. Thats hard stuff! :rolleyes:

What? You have to dress up for work!? This is outrageous!

So basically, you prove my point. People who don't dress up are flat out lazy.
 
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  • #213
Cyrus said:
You are being unresonably childish. Wow, you have to button up your shirt... My goodness. Are you that lazy that your shoes are velcro? ...Man, you got to tuck in your pants. Whew. Thats hard stuff! :rolleyes:

What? You have to dress up for work!? This is outrageous!

So basically, you prove my point. People who don't dress up are flat out lazy.

"Men are basically smart or dumb and lazy or ambitious. The dumb and ambitious ones are dangerous and I get rid of them. The dumb and lazy ones I give mundane duties. The smart ambitious ones I put on my staff. The smart and lazy ones I make my commanders." - Attributed to Erwin Rommel

So I wear that as a badge of pride.
 
  • #214
Let's play a game:

How much money have YOU spent on clothes last year? How much time does it take you to get dressed and maintain those clothes (Dry clean only! Hand wash only! Etc.)

Me? Nowhere near that.

So I have more time and money. Hey! I just figured out which category you fit to in that quote.
 
  • #215
proton said:
theres a hot girl in one of my smaller classes. there's also a acquaintance/friend in that class, but he's even nerdier than me. ill try to get her to study with us, but the problem is that we've only spoken a couple times, so she may feel uncomfortable with us?

Go dress yourself nice. Get your school paper and find an event that's coming up. Sit next to her, and before class starts casually mention, "I can't wait for (fill in the blank), I am really looking forward to going to it with my friends". See, your a cool guy. Not only do you do things, but you do things with your friends. And when you talk to her, talk to her like its no big deal. You don't even care if she's not interested, because your interested, and that's all that matters. Your not needy for her attention, you have lots of friends to be around.

Its extremely important that you talk to her casually or its going to be VERY awkward every time you see her afterwards. If you say it casually, its no big deallllllll. You just like to chat becuase ur a cool dude. Chat about a new topic next time.
 
  • #216
Poop-Loops said:
Let's play a game:

How much money have YOU spent on clothes last year? How much time does it take you to get dressed and maintain those clothes (Dry clean only! Hand wash only! Etc.)

Me? Nowhere near that.

So I have more time and money. Hey! I just figured out which category you fit to in that quote.

Guess what, I had a high paying job for 4 years in college that I worked every summer, winter, and one day a week when I could during the semester at >$20/hr. Stop talking out of your you know what.

(A friend of mine also worked all 4 years [different place] and bought a brand new accura TL w/sports package when he graduated). We work hard, we play hard. (This guy worked a LOT, summers, winters, and weekends). We both graduated with honors.

I only have two things that are dry clean only. Again, you don't know what your talking about.

"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." -Mark Twain
 
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  • #217
Cyrus said:
Go dress yourself nice. Get your school paper and find an event that's coming up. Sit next to her, and before class starts casually mention, "I can't wait for (fill in the blank), I am really looking forward to going to it with my friends". See, your a cool guy. Not only do you do things, but you do things with your friends. And when you talk to her, talk to her like its no big deal. You don't even care if she's not interested, because your interested, and that's all that matters. Your not needy for her attention, you have lots of friends to be around.

Its extremely important that you talk to her casually or its going to be VERY awkward every time you see her afterwards. If you say it casually, its no big deallllllll. You just like to chat becuase ur a cool dude. Chat about a new topic next time.

Although it's clear when not to say it (she's on the phone, talking to a friend, etc.), when would you say would be the time to actually start talking? That's probably the hardest part, to start the conversation without looking like you're up to something.
 
  • #218
Cyrus said:
Guess what, I had a high paying job for 4 years in college that I worked every summer, winter, and one day a week when I could during the semester at >$20/hr. Stop talking out of your you know what.

Wow! You must have dressed REAL nice then! With like a silk tie or something.
 
  • #219
Wow! You must have dressed REAL nice then! With like a silk tie or something.

All my ties are 100% italian silk. (I even got one on sale for $10!) Sometimes I wear it with a sweater and jeans casually. Its just as comfortable as anything else and looks great. (Can you tie a full windsor?)


It gets better, that stuff is sitting in my closet and still looks nice because you pay for quality.

So unlike your rags that fall apart, mine will last and slowly grow. I have a black overcoat coat I bought in high school that still looks brand new that I recently had tailored. Its probably 7 years old.

And guess what, when I was working I always went dressed nice. Everyone took notice, including my boss. But what do Moonbear or I know.

Getting dressed takes 10 mins - Tops. Lay out what you want to wear the next day before you go to bed, and put it on in the morning.

You do realize, you can find a ton of good stuff on sale too.
 
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  • #220
proton said:
theres a hot girl in one of my smaller classes. there's also a acquaintance/friend in that class, but he's even nerdier than me. ill try to get her to study with us, but the problem is that we've only spoken a couple times, so she may feel uncomfortable with us?

You're just asking her to join a study group. It's not a marriage proposal! Ask her and a couple of others to join you. C'mon, loosen up! Make it fun!
 
  • #221
Cyrus said:
If you had confidence, you would be able to wear what I posted with a straight face.

Wait, wait, wait... you're implying that I don't have confidence? :smile: Get over yourself, kid.

- Warren
 
  • #222
chroot said:
Wait, wait, wait... you're implying that I don't have confidence? :smile: Get over yourself, kid.

- Warren

Hey, you called me a douche! :smile:
 
  • #223
My view of the fashion thing is that it is all a social awareness game. People who are conscious about presenting themselves in a certain manner and express it through their clothes are making a statement about social awareness. They are inviting people to form an opinion of them, good or bad.

I think it does have an effect on how others will view a person, and can effect the outcome of social and professional interactions. Like any other game, it is a way to participate in a competitive society.

It's a game that I acknowledge exists, but choose not to participate in. If I knew it wouldn't offend others I would show up to weddings and funerals the same way I would bop around in my kitchen. The result is that I limit myself to the minimum expectation to avoid offending others, but don't attempt to use my wardrobe to impress.

Really, how a person dresses is the least of my concerns. As long as they are moderately clean I'm satisfied. I probably spend more time wondering what women look like 'out' of their clothes. Maybe I should tell them that if they were really confident they wouldn't need clothes at all. Think that would work?
 
  • #224
Cyrus said:
Hey, you called me a doushe! :smile:

Nah, I just said your pick-up lines (at least as related to us in text on... physicsforums :rolleyes:) sounda kinda doucheish. (That should be a word.)

The whole crisply-pressed-business-suit-to-class thing is admittedly a little much. I'm not saying it doesn't get you attention, but it's the same kind of attention you get driving daddy's Porsche to high school.

So, let's get this "confidence" issue out of the way... I helped found what is still the largest fraternity on the Virginia Tech campus. I spent more than my fair share of time chasing skirt in bars, trust me. I live in one of the most affluent places in the world, frequent some of the most exclusive restaurants in the world, and surround myself with costume designers and venture capitalists and Fortune 500 executives. I'm pretty familiar with elite culture, and I dress well. Virtually everything I wear is from Nordstrom or Banana Republic or H&M. I have a $2,300 Armani suit. The cheapest suit I currently own was over $800 (Hugo Boss). Hell, even my cycling gear is top-grade stuff like Sugoi.

And, to be honest... there's a time and place for a black hoodie and pair of comfortable shoes. A walk on the chilly Pacific beaches, for example. Or a star party. Trust me, you can (and should) dress down every now and then, and you can (and should) still look good.

Going to the symphony in a hoodie makes you look like a douche. Going to class in a $2,300 suit makes you look like a douche, too.

- Warren
 
  • #225
Hugo boss has fanstastic suits. Black suits. Damn, I want one. I have a black slik tie from HB. Fantastic.

Im not saying go into class in a suit. I am saying you can go into class in jeans and a blazer and nice shirt though.
 
  • #226
Cyrus said:
Hugo boss has fanstastic suits. Black suits. Damn, I want one. I have a black slik tie from HB. Fantastic.

I like mine. It's a three-button, too. Who dresses better, now? :smile:

Im not saying go into class in a suit. I am saying you can go into class in jeans and a blazzer and nice shirt though.

Dress for the crowd. That's all you have to do. If you're going to a special New Year's Eve party that only serves Cristal, wear the Armani suit. If you're going to a VC firm to pitch your latest invention, wear the Hugo Boss suit. If you're going to a business lunch, slacks and a nice shirt is fine. If you're going out to play some stick in a bar, jeans and a striped button-down, untucked, is perfect. If you're going to class, just make sure you've washed your hair. If you're going to the beach at night, wear a f'ing hoodie.

- Warren
 
  • #227
Blach. Well, to be honest it depends on your height. Taller guys (like me), look better in a 2 button.

But if he wants to see and be seen Id recommend that he dresses up so that people see who that dashing smart guy in the front is. And when he talks to them he already comes off as a cool guy because he has style.
 
  • #228
Also, a note on quality... I'm sorry, but spending more money guarantees absolutely nothing when it comes to popular clothing. Sure, expensive suits really do last longer and look better than do cheap suits. Price actually matters for suits, coats, sweaters, etc.

A pair of nice designer jeans will run you $200. Will they last longer than a pair of crappy $30 Levi's? No. They won't. They honestly, truly will not. They'll be made of thinner material, already stressed by the washing processes used to make them distinctive, and they'll rip at the knees in a year or two of normal use. The Levi's will last the rest of your natural life. They'll also look ugly for the rest of your natural life, but that's often the trade-off you have to accept in today's fashion. It's actually kind of unfortunate that so much of our popular clothing these days is essentially disposable.

- Warren
 
  • #229
Jeans is the one thing I don't spend money on. I have a few pairs from BR that have lasted about two years, but I wear them a LOT.
 
  • #230
Strange, then, that nearly all the "fashion statements" you provided us involved... designer jeans.

- Warren
 
  • #231
I just said a nice pair of jeans. I didnt say designer jeans. Would you consider BR designer jeans?
 
  • #232
Cyrus said:
I just said a nice pair of jeans. I didnt say designer jeans. Would you consider BR designer jeans?

BR is a boutique store, so I'd say: yes.

- Warren
 
  • #233
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  • #234
I swear I don't think Needless Markup (Nieman Marcus) sells a single pair of jeans under $300. :smile: (Don't worry, I'm not that gullible.)

By the way, one of my favorite clothing lines is Roar: http://www.roarusa.com/

They're sold in all kinds of places now, including some department stores like Nordstrom. Their stuff is reasonably priced, very unique, and very well-made. Some of it's a little too western-influenced for me, but I love probably 70% of their stuff.

edit: Now that I'm browsing through their site, I get the feeling that most of their stuff is one-off, or at least evolves constantly. Nothing that I own is on the site.

- Warren
 
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  • #235
chroot said:
Strange, then, that nearly all the "fashion statements" you provided us involved... designer jeans.

- Warren

To be frank, that's true.

I never seen a good pair of jeans that wasn't designer jeans.

I wear Abercrombie and Fitch jeans, but my best pairs are from BR for sure. When I get a higher paying job, I'll buy purely BR and above most likely.

To eat good, it costs money. To dress nice, it costs money. It's not a complicated formula.

Buying expensive jeans does not imply they're nice either.

People talk about not buying expensive clothes and just buying whatever, but honestly, I bet some people spend almost as much as I do on clothes and have pure ****. Why? Everything stays in the closet because they bought it on impulse or bought it because it "looked" nice. Shopping for clothes takes some time. I grab honestly sometimes 3 different colors of the same shirt and 2 different sizes of that shirt. And that's only for figuring out whether or not I want the shirt. Most people buy everything they try on and they only try on 1 color and size. That's just a recipe for disaster.
 
  • #237
That would look great with a blazer and jeans.
 
  • #238
You should re-consider jeans, Cyrus. A lot of the best nightclubs in SF and LA have dress codes that specifically mention (and permit) designer jeans. I'd say at least half the men at clubs around here are wearing some kind of jeans. You can get some really good looking jeans.

And blazers are for Doogie Howser... or U of Maryland students, I guess. :wink:

- Warren
 
  • #239
Cyrus said:
So unlike your rags that fall apart, mine will last and slowly grow. I have a black overcoat coat I bought in high school that still looks brand new that I recently had tailored. Its probably 7 years old.

Rags that fall apart?

Also, how can you possibly call yourself fashionable if you have stuff that's 7 years old? Don't fashions, like, you know, change?

And guess what, when I was working I always went dressed nice. Everyone took notice, including my boss.

It's good that you found a way to distract them from your performance.

Getting dressed takes 10 mins - Tops. Lay out what you want to wear the next day before you go to bed, and put it on in the morning.

Or I could just grab the stuff I want when I wake up and put it on.

You do realize, you can find a ton of good stuff on sale too.

If I do buy "quality" stuff, it's only on sale. Except for shoes. Shoes are important. No, not for looks. But to keep your feet warm and dry, and to have good soles for running and walking. Shoes are worth the money.
 
  • #240
:smile: Your so full of it.

Keep your feet warm and dry. :smile: Wow.

"It's good that you found a way to distract them from your performance."

:smile: Please, do tell.
 
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