Why does my social life suck so much?

[_Mayday_]

Just get out a bit more, and go so social gathering. You will slowly meet people, and then make better friends.

 

[BobG]

Replace hoddie with these possible looks

http://www.uncrate.com/men/images/adidas-pistol-pete-jacket.jpg

http://men.style.com/slideshows/mens/standalone/details/fashion/0507/khaki/00004f.jpg

http://www.pilotshopusa.com/images_products/1045.jpg


There are all kinds of looks out there. Magazines, and music bands are a good way find 'cool' looks.

Now, contrast that with hoodie.

Not so good, is it?

Not exactly an impartial sample pool there. You compared Mick Jagger and six Physics students to a psycho killer.

 

[Cyrus]

I did not say personality. I said body type.

Had to drive the point home bob. But when I see a hoddy, that's what I think of. 99% of the time I see someone wearing a hoodie is becaue they are too lazy to wear something else.

 

[Math Is Hard]

well i certainly have not met any asian nerdy girls who also want to have fun. the only asian girls I've met are either much more talkative or social than me, or even more shy/awkward than me, which i don't find attractive

So, "less social than you" is unattractive, and "more social than you" is unattractive?

 

[proton]

So, "less social than you" is unattractive, and "more social than you" is unattractive?

more social than me is attractive, i just don't like my odds of getting them

 

[Math Is Hard]

You forgot this look, Cyrus...

http://a.abcnews.com/images/Entertainment/ap_borat_071222_ms.jpg

 

[turbo]

My fashion was jeans and T-shirt.

Mine, too, and I still adhere to that. Well-worn jeans, sneakers, and soft old T-shirts are my normal "skin". I wore them to class, to social functions, and when performing on weekends. My band was a pretty laid-back bunch and we relied on our sound to make the impact, not our appearance. We had a drummer for a while that liked to dress nice, but he was hidden behind his kit including a screen of Zildjian cymbals, so he didn't count so much. Our black blues heroes were fashion-plates compared to us.

 

[Cyrus]

HOW MUCHHHHHHHHHHHH!?

I sware if you wore that you would get so many women and high fives from guys MIH.

 

[Moonbear]

the guys i say have personalities closest to me dress similar to how i currently dress, so i don't think my clothes are the problem

But that is a problem, because you shouldn't dress based only on your personality but on your body type. If you tend to look young and are wearing hoodies, which are a very young look (I think of those as something teenagers wear), then you're only going to reinforce that you're young. Instead, dress older (but still trendy...you don't want to suddenly look 40 either) just to look more your own age.

Some good looks for a young Asian guy:
http://www.drivenmag.com/images/newsMgr/dragonboys.jpg
The guy in the front. The others look too much like Asian mafia or old businessman.

Or a shirt like this paired with jeans would look very casual and cool.
http://www.lakewoodconferences.com/direct/dbimage/50288161/Men_s_Long_Sleeve_Shirt.jpg
(Make sure it FITS...if you wear a shirt too large, you just look more like a kid trying to play "dress up.")

 

[Moonbear]

more social than me is attractive, i just don't like my odds of getting them

I think your odds might be better than you think. I've often seen very talkative women paired up with quiet, shy guys. Afterall, if they're so talkative, it's best if the guy they're with isn't competing with that. On the other hand, don't dismiss those quieter than you. They may just need a few well-placed compliments to draw them out of their shells.

 

[BobG]

I'd second the recommendation for groups like Homes for Humanity, conservation projects, etc. Doing something together gives something neutral to talk about and makes it easier to eventually move on to other conversation topics.

 

[proton]

I think your odds might be better than you think. I've often seen very talkative women paired up with quiet, shy guys. Afterall, if they're so talkative, it's best if the guy they're with isn't competing with that.

i thought confidence is what women mainly look for. some quiet, shy guys have it, but most like me don't have enough

 

[chroot]

I dunno. Some of the guys Cyrus posted look like douches to me. His little story about offering the paint the girl nude was a little douchebag, too, if you ask me. Although I suppose it's all in the delivery. If I told stories of my pick-up conquests on physicsforums I'm sure I'd sound like a douchebag too.

- Warren

 

[Moonbear]

i thought confidence is what women mainly look for. some quiet, shy guys have it, but most like me don't have enough

Often confidence is what they look for, but you can develop that. Not all women are the same, just as not all men are the same.

Focus on just developing social interactions with other people first, and that will help build your confidence for when you start to talk to women you're interested in. Honestly, women are people too, even the pretty women. Once you get over getting flustered thinking they're so different, you'll have an easier time meeting them and in turn, they'll be more comfortable with you.

 

[turbo]

i thought confidence is what women mainly look for. some quiet, shy guys have it, but most like me don't have enough

Many women don't look for confidence. They look for honesty and openness. Confidence is often seen as "I know what's right" and many women are turned off by that attitude.

 

[Moonbear]

I dunno. Some of the guys Cyrus posted look like douches to me. His little story about offering the paint the girl nude was a little douchebag, too, if you ask me. Although I suppose it's all in the delivery. If I told stories of my pick-up conquests on physicsforums I'm sure I'd sound like a douchebag too.

- Warren

Yeah, if I saw a guy dressed in any of those outfits, I'd think "dork." Depending on the way we met, I might still give him a chance, but would probably be expecting that I'd have to buy him clothes for every special occassion.

And, yes, the delivery often makes or breaks something like that. I was thinking that too...if some guy offered to paint me in the nude, if I was already attracted, I might find it humorous, otherwise, I might be looking for my escape route.

 

[rocomath]

You should quit checking this thread and go out!

I went out 3x today! Didn't meet anyone new, but ran into friends. Wasn't a total waste of time.

 

[Moonbear]

Confidence is often seen as "I know what's right" and many women are turned off by that attitude.

No, that's cockiness. Confidence can be simply being comfortable enough within one's own skin to be able to admit to making a mistake.

 

[Chipmunks]

My social life sux too, because
I have pressures at work, as a game programmer, I have to build my own GUI applications by borrowing third party libs and others' code. But I believe this'll bring me up in public. My belief works!

 

[turbo]

No, that's cockiness. Confidence can be simply being comfortable enough within one's own skin to be able to admit to making a mistake.

That's a fine line when encountering new people. Confidence is often a gentle self-assurance. I did not often see this in my peers in college aside from close friends.

 

[smashingtime]

lawl some girls find nerds cute, as long as they're not overly into academics--like sleeping with your physics book under your pillow or something. stay confident & start conversations with new people! if you keep a good sense of humor and keep your complexion clean, you'll find friends in no time :)

 

[Poop-Loops]

I guess I'll chime in, since my situation is similar.

How do you "make friends"? People frequently tell me to get a girlfriend. Okay. I didn't see any for sale in Safeway. So is it some sort of magical procedure that everybody but me understands? Because to me you might as well say "Fix the flux capacitor."

This applies to making friends in general. All, all of the friends I have made in college so far have initiated the friendship, i.e. they started talking to me, not the other way around. I just had extreme amounts of luck to befriend them in the first place.

And before you ask, yes, I am completely detached from the world. After some digging, I think I may be a schizoid personality type.

I mean, I am not shy or anxious, I can do public speaking, talk to my professors after and before class all the time, had jobs where I talked to customers, and I don't think I show emotional coldness as one of the symptoms, but it just seems like I couldn't care less about being social.

It's not even that I am lonely and want friends, it's that I feel I am missing out on something, I just don't even know what.

How I dress:

I have long hair, but it's always clean and groomed. It goes down below my shoulders. Clean-shaven, unless it's exam week and I couldn't care less. Jeans and a t-shirt are what I usually wear. Err... always, actually.

And I should add that I tend not to make "nerd talk", i.e. I could care less about physics the moment I step outside the classroom (sorry, it's true). So if I do talk to people, I'm not that annoying guy that only sticks to one boring topic or something. It's just that I never actually get into conversations.

 

[JasonRox]

Go live in the dorms. Try playing video games or watching movies with the other people, regardless of whether you know anything about the games or movies yet. Allow other people to show you what they're interested in, and allow yourself to get interested in the same things. You do not need to study 24/7 to do well in college, and social skills are an important part of your education.

- Warren

Good posts.

I agree with Warren here.

 

[JasonRox]

No, that's cockiness. Confidence can be simply being comfortable enough within one's own skin to be able to admit to making a mistake.

Yeah, it's good to point this out. Some guys believe by being cocky they're being confident.

Confident comes from your inner self. You can't "pretend" you have confidence and high self-esteem. A fairly well-minded person would know if you're a fake or not. Plus, if something happens, you're self-esteem may even drop lower than it was previously. I know someone suggested to fake it in an early post and I strongly advise you NOT to take that advice.

 

[JasonRox]

Not necessarily true. You can turn a girl on by saying the right things. I am not a stud, and I am not buff. But I can talk to to women. (Something most buff guys CANT do).

I dress trendy. Boarderline gay. Girls LOVE it. Women compliment me on the way I dress a lot. Its nothing to do about how I look either.

LOL. I'm the same way.

Edit: I disagree with two things I saw in your list of fashion advice. Well, the 3 button suits are fine. It depends on the cut and your size. If you're fat, well definitely not. I have a 3 button suit, and I've got lots of compliments in it. I did my research.

The other thing is the taylor. You must beware of taylor's because not everything on a shirt can be made to fit you. If you're a small, and you buy a medium, it's not going to fit you. A taylor can not make a shirt one size smaller. A taylor can fix the arms, a little bit on the shoulders and the how the shirt snugs up to your body, but that's it. You can only get so much done. It's best to buy something as close you can to your body. If you can't get anywhere close, forget it. Also, avoid buying sizes one size bigger because it "will" shrink into your size. That's a load of ****. I buy the size that fits as close to perfect as I am in the store. I then wash my clothes the way it's suppose to be washed. Lots of my clothes don't even see the dryer.

Another one is stay away from Wal-Mart and places that have cheap clothes. They're cheap because the material is cheap and the cut is ****. No taylor can fix that. I used buy cheap, but now I never ever buy cheap. I personally wear different styles to match the evening, the day, the season or mood or whatever. Places I go most often on Abercrombie and Fitch, Hollister, Banana Republic and other places. Being a thin european body type, cheap stores don't have proper clothing for me because they're made for the general public which is overweight people (even the small size).

 

[Beeza]

Man.. I like my Wal-mart clothes and jeans from Macy's.

 

[Poop-Loops]

I buy my clothes at a grocery store.

 

[binzing]

I hate the Hollister wearers at my school. They're all the stuck-up cali boys and girls, along with the preppies. God, high school is much better than my middle school, way more people like me and I surmise it gets better progressively at uni or college in that there's larger student populations.
Another mini-rant, I positively hate the word "normal" when applied to people and personalities.
Jason and Cyrus, yeah, putting some money into it works. I got two nice pairs of jeans this fall and have gotten multiple compliments. Cyrus, the word your thinking of isn't gay, its metro.Ha ha, which is fine, as long as you don't start talking in a higher octave, etc.

 

[JasonRox]

I hate the Hollister wearers at my school. They're all the stuck-up cali boys and girls, along with the preppies. God, high school is much better than my middle school, way more people like me and I surmise it gets better progressively at uni or college in that there's larger student populations.
Another mini-rant, I positively hate the word "normal" when applied to people and personalities.
Jason and Cyrus, yeah, putting some money into it works. I got two nice pairs of jeans this fall and have gotten multiple compliments. Cyrus, the word your thinking of isn't gay, its metro.Ha ha, which is fine, as long as you don't start talking in a higher octave, etc.

I know what you mean about people who wear Hollister. I just don't buy shirts with Hollister or any name plastered all over it.

That's why I really like Banana Republic. They don't have things plastered all over it saying it's from BR.

 

[binzing]

Some of my friends actually made some shirts with "Wal-ister" on them.