Why does my social life suck so much?

[rewebster]

She tried way too hard. You should have told her just what astronuc said, and then walked away...slowly.

that was just time---I had a lot of girlfriends in college---when I lived in the dorm a couple times I'd come back and my roommate told me there was a girl waiting in the room--I'd go in expecting to see someone I knew, and she wouldn't be.

One of my friends in pre-med told me in respect to women that I couldn't see the forest for the trees----

One of the wildest ones was my cousin, some friends and I went to an outdoor daytime concert, Starship and somebody, and every once in a while I'd look over to see this girl laying on the grass looking my way. The next time I looked over, she had her top unbuttoned staring right at me. I was so drunk I nudged my buddy, he nudged the guy next to him, until there was about six guys looking that way. oh, well---too much alcohol

 

[Cyrus]

that was just time---I had a lot of girlfriends in college---when I lived in the dorm a couple times I'd come back and my roommate told me there was a girl waiting in the room--I'd go in expecting to see someone I knew, and she wouldn't be.

One of my friends in pre-med told me in respect to women that I couldn't see the forest for the trees----

One of the wildest ones was my cousin, some friends and I went to an outdoor daytime concert, Starship and somebody, and every once in a while I'd look over to see this girl laying on the grass looking my way. The next time I looked over, she had her top unbuttoned staring right at me. I was so drunk I nudged my buddy, he nudged the guy next to him, until there was about six guys looking that way. oh, well---too much alcohol

You were staring at your cousin topless! High five!

 

[JasonRox]

She tried way too hard. You should have told her just what astronuc said, and then walked away...slowly.

The point is that you'd be sitting there comtemplating whether or not she's quality or not. When you clearly see someone is interested and you find them attractive or intersting, then you should go for it.

Sometimes people fail to follow all the good social traits. Sometimes you bump into someone with amazing eyes and you're speechless for a brief moment and so on. How do you not know that she was just crazy about him? And simply got childish in her ways of trying to socialize with him? Perfectly natural and personally it's sexy that someone isn't some social robot.

The bottom line is... I would got to know her while you'd be sitting comtemplating there about who she is and how unsocial she was (meanwhile it's natural).

Note: Being in a girl's room doesn't imply you're sleeping with her. Lots of girls enjoy just making out when they first meet a guy. Not all girls are sluts and not all guys are sluts.

 

[JasonRox]

Ok, for those who said she was trying too hard... that's kind of odd.

I have the sense that there are PUA people on this forum and that is trying beyond hard.

 

[JasonRox]

I thought it was sweet in her way of trying to get attention in her own way

Exactly.

 

[Cyrus]

The point is that you'd be sitting there comtemplating whether or not she's quality or not. When you clearly see someone is interested and you find them attractive or intersting, then you should go for it.

Not really. There is no contemplation involved. I would simply walk up to another girl and talk to her. How hard is that? And while I am talking to her, that other girl can strut around in 10 more outfits for all I care.

Sometimes people fail to follow all the good social traits. Sometimes you bump into someone with amazing eyes and you're speechless for a brief moment and so on.

Yeah, but I don't go run off and change my clothes. Thats NOT normal.

How do you not know that she was just crazy about him? And simply got childish in her ways of trying to socialize with him? Perfectly natural and personally it's sexy that someone isn't some social robot.

The bottom line is... I would got to know her while you'd be sitting comtemplating there about who she is and how unsocial she was (meanwhile it's natural).

Thats immature. I don't waste time on people that immature. Again, talk to another girl. It takes no effort on your part. I find a girl that flirts sexier than a girl that flaunts it so desperately.

Note: Being in a girl's room doesn't imply you're sleeping with her. Lots of girls enjoy just making out when they first meet a guy. Not all girls are sluts and not all guys are sluts.

I don't enjoy making out with random people either. You can get STDs that way too, and its nasty to smack lips with someone you don't know.

I hang around women older than me, 25 and up. So I don't understand this type of behaivor and I can't relate to it. It just sounds stupid and childish Sorry.

 

[JasonRox]

So I don't understand this type of behaivor and I can't relate to it. It just sounds stupid and childish Sorry.

So you lack social understanding for the younger crowd.

Part of having good social skills is to be able to manage and succeed in almost any social environment.

 

[Cyrus]

Yeah, I don't hang around kids who just act stupid. I hang around adults. (Most end up being college grads with jobs and apartments in DC or VA, or Grad students).

 

[binzing]

I hate people that act stupid, or are the type that act dumb in class. Not to be racist, but I notice it predominantly in Navajo kids at my schools. This is the main reason I hate/have no respect for gangsters,rappers and the like, especially when they talk about life on "the streets". Seriously, in this country education is for the most part free, and there are many opportunities for further education.

 

[chroot]

Cyrus, you're still a kid. Accept it.

- Warren

 

[Cyrus]

You're only 5 years older than me warren...

 

[chroot]

You're only 5 years older than me warren...

...and it shows.

- Warren

 

[binzing]

Ha ha, the face on the chick in your profile pic fits perfectly to that last response Cyrus. Personally, I think people should be judged by knowledge and behavior rather than age. It's like the whole bunch of BS about freshman, over which I got into an argument with a sub at my high school and (IMO) won.

 

[Cyrus]

Age before beauty warren.

 

[Poop-Loops]

So you lack social understanding for the younger crowd.

Part of having good social skills is to be able to manage and succeed in almost any social environment.

He's WAY too adult to care about the younger crowd. I mean, he wears business suits! If that doesn't just SCREAM "Mature Adult" then I don't know what does. Going bald maybe.

 

[binzing]

Poop-loops, dude, I'm amazed you haven't been kicked off the forums for provoking people like you seem to enjoy doing. Seriously, your being juvenile (I'm 15...).

 

[Astronuc]

People who are social go out and talk with people that are into things, like culture. Fashion is a part of that local culture and is unique to the group in terms of style. Fashion has been around for hundres of years, to deny its importance is ignorant.

Who wants to be around someone dressed like a bum?

My preferred fashion back in my younger (and very wild) days at university. I did not like dressing up or dressing pretty, and I still don't.

http://img352.imageshack.us/img352/7682/astronuc1979uh6.jpg​

[/URL]

I would dress nicely when I went out on a date, but I didn't care for name brands or the preppy look or designer labels.

I never had trouble dating women. I had lots of female friends.
I just had trouble finding one woman with whom I could settle down.

But I did find one, and that's what I looked like about the time when I first met my wife. The picture was taken by my wife's best friend at the time, and the girlfriend of the guy sitting to the right in the picture.

 

[binzing]

Well Astro, if that's your real head in your profile pic, I would say that you are the (former?) hippy type. Especially, the pic in the response confirms that to me. So no, I wouldn't have expected you to dress up much.

 

[Cyrus]

My preferred fashion back in my younger (and very wild) days at university. I did not like dressing up or dressing pretty, and I still don't.

http://img352.imageshack.us/img352/7682/astronuc1979uh6.jpg​

[/URL]

I would dress nicely when I went out on a date, but I didn't care for name brands or the preppy look or designer labels.

I never had trouble dating women. I had lots of female friends.
I just had trouble finding one woman with whom I could settle down.

But I did find one, and that's what I looked like about the time when I first met my wife. The picture was taken by my wife's best friend at the time, and the girlfriend of the guy sitting to the right in the picture.

But you had style for your time. And that's what I am getting at. I never said my style is the only style. It just looks good on me; but, I said he should find a style that works for him. Your style works for you, and its perfect. In that picture, you look good in what your wearing because it suits you.

 

[Poop-Loops]

Poop-loops, dude, I'm amazed you haven't been kicked off the forums for provoking people like you seem to enjoy doing. Seriously, your being juvenile (I'm 15...).

It's how I point out the logical fallacies in people's arguments.

People still haven't realized that the only reason they got promotions is because they dressed nicely. And the ones who did (like Moonbear) aren't furious about it. That's just insane.

Every time we had a "dress for success" day at school, it was a load of superficial crap.

I remember one kid who would dress up in a suit to give a presentation for a class (like as a project or something). He sucked. The time he spent on his clothing could have been spent practicing in front of a mirror.

No amount of clothing will substitute for skill. So when you get a raise or promotion simply for changing what you wear, what does that say about your employer, and you?

 

[pivoxa15]

Staying on the topic but turning the question upside down. Do woman like men that are anti social (i.e. men with no social life)? If so what type of women? How often are they around?

 

[rewebster]

Staying on the topic but turning the question upside down. Do woman like men that are anti social (i.e. men with no social life)? If so what type of women? How often are they around?

All it takes is one.



But, that's sort of the direction of my past few posts (including the five dresses one). Women generally have a totally different set of ways of trying to attract the attention of a 'guy'. If a guy doesn't see or notice that the girl slowly closed her eyes and moved her hair in a certain way and for him only, that may be enough for her to think that he's not 'interested'.

Dressing up a little more than the next 'guy' may help a little to attract attention, but its still up to the specific woman as to whether she'll look his way.

Women do usually like the men to approach first as it gives them the chance of either accepting the guy or not--men are more used to the idea of 'rejection' , where I've seen a woman run off crying.

And it seems, as people get older/more mature, the variations of how people attract other people appears to me to even get more varied and specific in what ever niche of society they're in.

 

[Astronuc]

Women do usually like the men to approach first as it gives them the chance of either accepting the guy or not--men are more used to the idea of 'rejection', where I've seen a woman run off crying.

Men tend to internalize their dissappointment, which leads to stress, which can detrimentally affect their health. No one likes rejection - men or women - and that's just human nature.

I've seem men cry or rage/rail or mope (and in some cases get very drunk), as much as I've seen women cry or get upset.

 

[Evo]

Staying on the topic but turning the question upside down. Do woman like men that are anti social (i.e. men with no social life)? If so what type of women? How often are they around?

I do. I don't know how common that is.

 

[Huckleberry]

It's how I point out the logical fallacies in people's arguments.

People still haven't realized that the only reason they got promotions is because they dressed nicely. And the ones who did (like Moonbear) aren't furious about it. That's just insane.

Every time we had a "dress for success" day at school, it was a load of superficial crap.

I remember one kid who would dress up in a suit to give a presentation for a class (like as a project or something). He sucked. The time he spent on his clothing could have been spent practicing in front of a mirror.

No amount of clothing will substitute for skill. So when you get a raise or promotion simply for changing what you wear, what does that say about your employer, and you?

I agree with you that clothing is superficial and has no effect on the ability of a person. That's why I discount it. But I understand that people also use it as an expression of personality. Someone who dresses nicely for work is sending the message that they care about what their employer thinks of them and their work. Someone who dresses poorly sends the message that they don't care what their boss thinks of them or their work. While neither affects the actual quality of the work, when it comes time for the promotion, all other variables being equal, the employer is likely going to prefer the person who cares about the position more and strives to perform professionally. I don't like it much, but that is the way it is.

I don't think any employer is completely fooled by a sharp suit. The work that a person does is considered in any promotion. Moonbear didn't get any promotion just for looking good. She actually knows her stuff. Looking good is just a bonus. Why should she be furious about receiving a promotion, even if her wardrobe was a small part of her employer's decision? We all know that the image we present will affect how people view us, whether that image is true or not. So if the other people being considered for any promotion choose to limit themselves by not making a good physical presentation then it is their own actions that inhibit them. It has nothing to do with the person who receives the promotion.

Hey, I'm a bit jaded with society too, but I can't ignore it and expect to survive.

 

[Huckleberry]

I do. I don't know how common that is.

I knew there was a reason I liked you so much

 

[rewebster]

I do. I don't know how common that is.

Anti-social is, I think, not the same thing as 'no social life'---and then there's men (and women) who just avoid the 'social life' and entrapments (the things that one has to do and that idea of 'upper class' if you're talking about the 'upper society life').

Being on PF is social.

 

[Evo]

Anti-social is, I think, not the same thing as 'no social life'---and then there's men (and women) who just avoid the 'social life' and entrapments (the things that one has to do and that idea of 'class' if you're talking about the 'upper society life').

Being on PF is social.

No social life is what I'm fine with, as in reads a lot, has hobbies or interests that don't require going out in social settings. I've had enough partying and socializing for two lifetimes, I'm ready for quieter times. But I've always been attracted to men that were quieter rather than outgoing.

 

[rewebster]

No social life is what I'm fine with, as in reads a lot, has hobbies or interests that don't require going out in social settings. I've had enough partying and socializing for two lifetimes, I'm ready for quieter times. But I've always been attracted to men that were quieter rather than outgoing.

I wouldn't suggest cyrus then---but there's got to be many, many here on the PF that fits that bill, isn't there?

 

[Cyrus]

Hey, just because I opened the sun roof that one time...

 

[rewebster]

Hey, just because I opened the sun roof that one time...

whooppss---I didn't think you were listening in!

 

[jim mcnamara]

I'm glad to see this thread still has legs, even if it seems to have walked off into a corner

This is like those threads back in the 90's - LET'S GET TO 10000 POSTS! YAY!
bump. :ugh:

 

[Astronuc]

Staying on the topic but turning the question upside down. Do woman like men that are anti social (i.e. men with no social life)? If so what type of women? How often are they around?

Along the lines of what rewebster mentioned, having "no social life" is more asocial than anti-social.

Anti-social means "averse to the society of others : unsociable".

Asocial, which unfortunately is used interchangably with anti-social, pertains more of chosing not to engage in the society of others.


Like Evo, I prefer quiet evenings. I get home from work, cook dinner, and do PF, work on projects, read, do housework, etc. I socialize somewhat at work, at conferences, and go out with friends periodically, and certainly socialize through PF.

 

[proton]

You're just asking her to join a study group. It's not a marriage proposal! Ask her and a couple of others to join you. C'mon, loosen up! Make it fun!

too bad i never get the chance to talk to her! she always comes to class late! i admit last class, i missed an opportunity to talk to her as she sat near (but not directly next) to me.
but today, some guy had to take the middle seat, so she sat the far end and i at the other, so hard to get a chance to talk to her!as for the volunteer groups I've tried joining, I've felt really awkward/uncomfortable as everyone seems to know everyone already and are much more outgoing/have a life than me. i guess i just have to be patient?

it seems that I've met the people i have the best chance of getting along with - the ones who don't know many people or have similar interests/personality as me, are always in clubs that are DEAD, so people stop showing up

 

[Cyrus]

Its not that hard. You walk in and say: "Hi, everybody!" and the say..."Hiiiiiiiii Dr. Nick!"

Dont walk in like some werido quiet as a mouse.

 

[Astronuc]

too bad i never get the chance to talk to her! she always comes to class late! i admit last class, i missed an opportunity to talk to her as she sat near (but not directly next) to me.
but today, some guy had to take the middle seat, so she sat the far end and i at the other, so hard to get a chance to talk to her!

Catch her on the way out. Depending on the time, ask her out to lunch or dinner.

 

[proton]

Catch her on the way out. Depending on the time, ask her out to lunch or dinner.

i always have class afterwards. besides, too early for lunch - its in the morning

 

[SticksandStones]

i always have class afterwards. besides, too early for lunch - its in the morning

Ask her if she wishes to meet you for lunch at a time that is convenient for both of you?

 

[Cyrus]

I would not ask her to lunch until you have a few conversations with her first. Otherwise, that's rather blunt, needy, and awkward.

 

[rewebster]

i always have class afterwards. besides, too early for lunch - its in the morning

coffee

--its usually a 'not too' non-personal first step

 

[Werg22]

I know I'm a late comer to the thread, but here's my take:

As others have pointed out, nice clothes and a neat haircut will help you, but there's a bit more. You've been told to look confident but I'm going to put another way: try not look shy. It's a dog eats dog world out there, and if you act shy, you give the impression that you have low self-esteem and those around you will not hesitate to use this to their advantage and eat out of your own plate (you may not be feeling the effect of it now, but wait until you get older and enter the workplace). Simply put, the secret to a good social life is to be able to take initiatives without caring too much about the consequences. Don't be too self-conscious, and take an initiative one of these days. The first is the hardest, but it really is like the first visit to the dentist; it goes (usually) way better than you had anticipated. If you get a bad experience, shrug it off and restart somewhere else. No one is going to put you in jail for it - and anyway, what do you have to lose?

 

[Astronuc]

i always have class afterwards. besides, too early for lunch - its in the morning

Ask if she's not busy tomorrow night, or tomorrow morning, ask her if she has no plans for the evening, then the two of you could go out to dinner and/or movie, or do it on Saturday. Bottom line is, just ask her out.

 

[Cyrus]

Ask if she's not busy tomorrow night, or tomorrow morning, ask her if she has no plans for the evening, then the two of you could go out to dinner and/or movie, or do it on Saturday. Bottom line is, just ask her out.

Again, this is really blunt to say to someone you don't know. Its more likely to fail than to work. If he talks to her a few times casually, asks her to lunch, and then to a movie its not so bad.

I see this happening: "Hi, want to see a movie friday!?" "Whats that, you dont!?" "Bye?!"

If you talk to her before you get lunch with her a few times then its casual. Its no big deal.

If I walked up to you on the street and said "Hi, I saw you walking. Want to get lunch?" You would more likely than not tell me "Im busy, I am going to work, Get lost, F off buddy!" or the like. No one likes strange people doing these kinds of things, why would she? She hasnt even shown any signs of interest in him at this point.

 

[Werg22]

Cyrus is right. He can't just ask her out without having talked to her before, it screams for a "Get lost".

If you talk to her before you get lunch with her a few times then its casual. Its no big deal.

Yep, good point. Striking a conversation a little before lunch is a great way to make it look natural.

 

[Astronuc]

Again, this is really blunt to say to someone you don't know. Its more likely to fail than to work. If he talks to her a few times casually, asks her to lunch, and then to a movie its not so bad.

I see this happening: "Hi, want to see a movie friday!?" "Whats that, you dont!?" "Bye?!"

If you talk to her before you get lunch with her a few times then its casual. Its no big deal.

If I walked up to you on the street and said "Hi, I saw you walking. Want to get lunch?" You would more likely than not tell me "Im busy, I am going to work, Get lost, F off buddy!" or the like. No one likes strange people doing these kinds of things, why would she? She hasnt even shown any signs of interest in him at this point.

Well, it's worked for me. Actually, in college, I had girls call me up out of the blue and ask me out.

Besides, proton and she are in the same class, so they're not total strangers, and he not some stranger approaching on the street.

 

[Cyrus]

At least strangers in the street go away if you say no. She'll have to see him every day in class and think to herself, "I hope that guy doesn't bother me again".

Theres just no reason to be that blunt, obvious and desperate.

Asking direction questions are not good, because you get direct answers: i.e "No"

 

[pivoxa15]

i always have class afterwards. besides, too early for lunch - its in the morning

How many times have you talked to her? How much do you know about her and vice versa?

 

[billiards]

If you talk to her before you get lunch with her a few times then its casual. Its no big deal.

The danger with this approach is you get into the "we're just friends" territory. Although to be fair, from the sounds of things, this guy could do with being "just friends", especially with a girl, it might give him some insight into how a girl likes/expects to be treated.

 

[proton]

The danger with this approach is you get into the "we're just friends" territory. Although to be fair, from the sounds of things, this guy could do with being "just friends", especially with a girl, it might give him some insight into how a girl likes/expects to be treated.

thats probably my biggest fear with girls...if i try to get to know them better, they'll eventually find out that I've had NO experience with girls...so pathetic

 

[Huckleberry]

All the more reason to do something about it. If she says no then you haven't lost anything. If she says yes then you will gain some experience. If you never ask then you will only continue to feel pathetic. This has more to do with your own fears than it does with any girl.

billiards idea about having some female friends is a good idea.