World's Scientists Admit They Just Don't Like Mice

[wasteofo2]

ZURICH, SWITZERLAND—Nearly 700 scientists representing 27 countries convened at the University of Zurich Monday to formally announce that their experimentation on mice has been motivated not by a desire to advance human knowledge, but out of sheer distaste for the furry little rodents.

"As a man of science, I deal with facts, and the fact is that mice are gross," said Dr. Douglas White, chair of the Oxford biogenetics department and lifelong mouse-hater. "They're squirmy, scurrying little vermin, and they make my skin crawl. I speak for all of my assembled colleagues when I say that the horrible little things deserve the worst we can dish out."

According to a 500-word statement, scientists hate mice for "their beady little eyes," "their repulsive tails," and "the annoying little squeaking sounds they make."

At the press conference, several scientists detailed their involvement in the centuries-long ruse of "conducting experiments" and "curing diseases."

"For years, I've used lab mice to research cell breakdown in living tissue—and I've been lucky enough to make some pretty important medical advancements along the way," said researcher Ellen Gresham of the Harvard Institute for Advanced Studies. "But even if there were no scientific benefit to the work I do, I'd still experiment on mice, just to watch them suffer."

http://theonion.com/news/index.php?issue=4049&n=1

 

[Ivan Seeking]

https://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?t=21807&highlight=mouse

 

[xck]

the truth is out there

I have a new respect for sci/phy(s)-heads.

Now about those monkeys..

 

[Math Is Hard]

I have always secretly suspected that the world's "top scientists" were actually cats.

 

[xck]

what's in a name

Off topic but still biologically correct (BC)...respecting forum rules.

Math Is Hard,

Like your name "Barbie." Better math than Midge

 

[iansmith]

Hopefully, you are reallizing this is joke!

I have seen people almost crying because they had to kill their mice for their experiment.

 

[xck]

meeces to pieces

I didn't know it was a joke. I didn't give it any thought actually. It gave me much pleasure (humoristically) at the time to stop to give it any real thought.

It did bring me to tears (hard to do in print) laughing as I read it.

A joke. Ok.

I am as warped as I thought those scientists were. Even.

I love life - animals too.

 

[Math Is Hard]

Off topic but still biologically correct (BC)...respecting forum rules.

Math Is Hard,

Like your name "Barbie." Better math than Midge

Thank you. I harbor no animosity toward Midge (though we haven't spoken since my divorce from Ken).
I also have nothing against mice.

 

[Moonbear]

You know, when I first saw the title to this thread, I was thinking, "Cool, someone is going to discuss the limitations of mice as research models!"

That was pretty funny though.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

I sent this to a friend and he replied with a list of some of his favorites from The Onion

Microsoft Patents Ones, Zeroes (1998)
Clinton Deploys Vowels to Bosnia (1995)
Man With Heart Disease Eagerly Awaits Boy's Death (1996)
School Shooting Solves All of Troubled Youth's Problems (1998)
Basketball Star Blames God For Defeat (1996)
Saddam Hussein Steps Down Following Sex Scandal (1998)
Congress Passes Americans With No Abilities Act (1998)


Clinton deploys vowels to Bosnia!