- #281
Ivan Seeking
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Two politicians are having an argument. One of them yells "You're lying!". The other one responds, "Yes, I am, but hear me out!".
BobG said:Ellie May: This here's my new pet, Little Jethro!
Granny: Little Jethro?! That critter ain't little! An' I sure hope his appetite is littler than Jethro's!
Ellie May: Aw, heck, Granny, he's just a baby! The man at the zoo says he'll grow up to be 4 foot tall and 300 pounds, cause he's a lion!
Granny: Darn right, he's a lyin'! Not even a bobcat gets that big!
Ivan Seeking said:Fifty Years of Math 1959 - 2009 (in the USA )
misgfool said:This would be funny, if it were only a joke.
Danger said:Roger that. From the educational aspect, that is. As someone from an officially bilingual country, the last item seems a bit offensive. If TV were to be believed, every second Yank can speak Spanish, which to me makes the US an unofficially bilingual country. I am Spanish, and can't understand a word of it. The closest that I can get is occasionally gleaning something from the Latin roots when reading it. No chance with just listening.
Tell me about! Much of my consulting work involved system analyses involving complex industrial systems that may or may not have been automated to some degree over the years. I couldn't show the finished work to prospective clients because it was proprietary, and it belonged to the existing/previous clients. Luckily, there were enough happy clients that word-of-mouth kept me busy enough to have to turn down work. Pulp and Paper is a commodity industry, and if you can squeeze out just a bit of extra efficiency at any stage of the process, it makes a big difference, so secrets are $$$$.Ivan Seeking said:My work often involves information that is proprietary to my customers. As a result, I am constantly reminded that I shouldn't talk to anyone about this or that. After being in business for over a decade, I finally popped off with the perfect answer: Oh, don't worry about it. In five minutes I won't remember anything we talked about anyway.
5. Teaching Math In 1990s
A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers, and if you feel like crying, it's ok. )
6. Teaching Math In 2009
Un hachero vende una carretada de maderapara $100. El costo de la producciones es $80. Cuanto dinero ha hecho?
Ivan Seeking said:Just to be clear, that is not a racist joke; at least I don't think it is. In fact Tsu and my mother had the same reaction I did. When I mentioned that Danger thought the joke was racist, they both recognized the implication but were surprised by it. To those of us familiar with the immigration problem, it takes on a completely different context.
BobG said:I didn't see it racist, per se, but I probably did pick out a different message than you did.
I think waves of immigrants, starting out disadvantaged and having to look for any advantage they could find, have tended to keep the US healthy when it comes to competing with the rest of the world.
This is just the latest wave of immigrants.
IMP said:A guy named Matt received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was fully-grown, with a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren’t expletives were, to say the least, rude. Matt tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of to try and set a good example. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird and the bird yelled back. He shook the bird and the bird just got angrier and ruder. Finally, in a moment of desperation, Matt put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawk and kick and scream. Then suddenly there was quiet. Not a sound for half a minute. Matt was frightened that he might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto Matt's extended arm and said, "I believe that I might have offended you with my rude language and actions. I will endeavor to correct my behavior. I really am truly sorry and beg your forgiveness." Matt was astonished at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what had made such a dramatic change when the parrot continued, "May I ask what the chicken did?"
apbuiii said:Don't know if this one's been said:
Why is there a fence around a graveyard?
'cause people are just dying to get in :rofl:
apbuiii said:How about this lame one. . .
Why can't bicycles stand up?
'cause it's two tired :rofl:
jtbell said:How do you tell a chemist from a non-chemist?
Show him the word UNIONIZED and ask him to pronounce it.
tribdog said:just out of curiosity how do you pronounce it? It looks like Un-ionized to me.
Masochist: beat me, beat me!Ivan Seeking said:Pessimist: Things are horrible. Everything is falling apart. Things can't get any worse.
Optimist: Yes they can.
BobG said:Two sodium atoms are flying around a cyclotron.
Suddenly the first atom said to the second, `Hey, I think I've just lost an electron.'
`Are you sure?' asked the second atom. `Yeah,' said the first, `I'm positive.'
:rofl::rofl::rofl:
:rofl::rofl::rofl:
:rofl::rofl::rofl:
That one's just hilarious! :rofl: Everyone knows the sodium atoms couldn't have been flying around a cyclotron unless they were ionized in the first place. :rofl: