Collection of Lame Jokes

[WWGD]

People in Siberia are putting food in freezers in order to _warm it up_.

 

[WWGD]

What do you call a baby groundhog?

A chuckling.

(heh heh )

Elvis warned us. He's nothing but a groundhog.

 

[jtbell]

Elvis warned us. He's nothing but a groundhog.

That's it! That's why we keep seeing him over and over and over again!

 

[jtbell]

A snake walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "How did you do that?!?"

 

[Swamp Thing]

A snake walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "How did you do that?!?"

Next a snail staggers in, trips and goes sprawling on the floor.

"Hey, are you OK?"

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 369032

I very much doubt that the 1960s conception of a futuristic computer running an entire starship (it would be able to do hundreds of thousands of calculations per second!) could handle Windows...

 

[WWGD]

A snake walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "How did you do that?!?"

And the snake replies: Can't you tell I don't

That's it! That's why we keep seeing him over and over and over again!

You think we'll see him this next February 6th?

 

[jtbell]

From the Wall Street Journal:

Hotels are Getting Rid of Proper Bathroom Doors and​

Guests are Revolting​

 

[DaveC426913]

I made this up just now:

 

[jtbell]

Seen on a T-shirt:

 

[DaveC426913]

A two-parter:

1.
Q: What is the name of the tenth reindeer?
A: Olive.
As in: "Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names..."



2.
Q: But what colour is her nose?
A: Every boater knows this one.

Spoiler

Port=Red
Starboard=Green

 

[WWGD]

A two-parter:

1.
Q: What is the name of the tenth reindeer?
A: Olive.
As in: "Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names..."



2.
Q: But what colour is her nose?
A: Every boater knows this one.

Spoiler

View attachment 369097
Port=Red
Starboard=Green

Every boater? I thought you only said " aboot" , " hoose" and " eh"? Every boater knows that.

 

[DaveC426913]

Every boater? I thought you only said " aboot" , " hoose" and " eh"? Every boater knows that.

Take off, eh?

 

[gmax137]

Take off, eh?

... you hoser.


EDIT: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hoser

 

[Ibix]

I made this up just now:


View attachment 369055

This is actually wrong, by the way. A Mercator projection is 180° high and 360° wide, so twice as wide as it is high. This is square, so it must be a Mercator projection of two oranges touching at the poles.

 

[256bits]

Next a snail staggers in, trips and goes sprawling on the floor.

"Hey, are you OK?"

Not to worry. The snail is already home.

 

[256bits]

I very much doubt that the 1960s conception of a futuristic computer running an entire starship (it would be able to do hundreds of thousands of calculations per second!) could handle Windows...

Was CPM around at that time?
Should have had a blue shirt named PIP.

 

[256bits]

This is actually wrong, by the way. A Mercator projection is 180° high and 360° wide, so twice as wide as it is high. This is square, so it must be a Mercator projection of two oranges touching at the poles.

Mine must be defective, or a fake.
It is 26 inches x 42 inches ( and 1/4 inch thick )
Don't tell me I have the Flat Earth rip off.

 

[DaveC426913]

This is actually wrong, by the way. A Mercator projection is 180° high and 360° wide, so twice as wide as it is high. This is square, so it must be a Mercator projection of two oranges touching at the poles.

Thanks. Fixed it.

 

[Ibix]

Mine must be defective, or a fake.
It is 26 inches x 42 inches ( and 1/4 inch thick )
Don't tell me I have the Flat Earth rip off.

No, that's because the Illuminati come and get you if you draw a map with the gytd$6t [NO CARRIER]

 

[256bits]

gytd$6t

That's going to take me a while, if ever. Lost my illuminati all seeing eyeball.

 

[davenn]

A PSA
You are welcome

 

[WWGD]

I tried to read the book "How to Read a Book". But I couldn't read it without first reading "How to buy a Book" f which I couldn't read without buying and reading the former first. Here I am, caught in a stopping problem

 

[jtbell]

No matter which route you take, there's always...

 

[WWGD]

No matter which route you take, there's always...

View attachment 369132

I've heard you can get there from "One thing" road.

 

[256bits]

I tried to read the book "How to Read a Book". But I couldn't read it without first reading "How to buy a Book" f which I couldn't read without buying and reading the former first. Here I am, caught in a stopping problem

You need the Philosophy of Dilemma for Dummies book.

 

[256bits]

No matter which route you take, there's always...

View attachment 369132

What are the side streets ?
This and That would make a lot of sense.