Is spanking is an effective way to discipline kids?

[decibel]

is spanking is an effective way to discipline kids?

I don't think so for a of couple of reasons. One of them being that it makes children learn that violence is the solution to everything, and it causes them to have problems when theyre older in most cases

what do you guys think?

 

[Dooga Blackrazor]

It's a horrible method of discipline. My parents used to occasionally do that to me. Then I told them if they tried I'd call the police - and if that didn't work, I'd take violent action against them. Regardless of whether I would or not, spanking has never happened again. Violent behavior gives rise to violent behavior. I didn't get in trouble for my comments either, and my parents and I get along well; however, if spanking continued it certainly wouldn't be a good situation.

Even as a supporter of violent action as a last resort - it is often the first thing I think of when angered. Spanking is definitely bad and can have dramatic affect on the child.


That's only one reason against spanking, there are many more.

 

[Smurf]

A child's parents are his best teachers. Spanking a child is teaching him/her that Violence is an effective way to end conflict. I'm going to take this opportunity to say that buying stuff for kids because they throw a tantrum is teaching them that throwing a tantrum will get them things they want, same principle.

 

[dekoi]

Couldn't one also say that if a child is not spanked, they take longer to realize the consequences of dangerous things? Unless of course, the child is not spanked as a consequence of doing some hurtful or dangerous to their health.

 

[Smurf]

There are better ways, and a good parent will realize that positive reinforcment is just as, if not more effective as negative reinforcment.

 

[BobG]

It's a horrible method of discipline. My parents used to occasionally do that to me. Then I told them if they tried I'd call the police - and if that didn't work, I'd take violent action against them. Regardless of whether I would or not, spanking has never happened again. Violent behavior gives rise to violent behavior. I didn't get in trouble for my comments either, and my parents and I get along well; however, if spanking continued it certainly wouldn't be a good situation.

I would say they probably used spanking way beyond its effective age range.

For toddler's still in diapers, it's probably an effective deterrent for things they'd definitely better not do (don't touch the top of the stove, don't stick things in the electical outlets, don't ride your 'big wheel' towards the basement stairs, don't hold a cat and a dust-buster at the same time).

Aside from the 'immediate danger' kind of things you want to be sure your kids avoid at almost any cost, there's usually a lot more effective punishments. And, if your child is old enough to hand you their lawyer's business card and threatens you with a class action law suit, they've probably passed the age where spanking is even an effective deterrent against the 'immediate danger' kind of things.

 

[Zantra]

there are a lot effective methods than spanking...time outs can be very effective if you use them the right way. Stand them in a corner for 10 minutes and it has the same effect as spanking. I prefer teaching through understanding and association, not through fear. And that's all spanking is- they associate the spanking or "fear" with an action. If you teach them the reasons why, then they still fear the punishment, but understand the reasons of the consequences. And that is why spanking only works at a very young age.

 

[Echo 6 Sierra]

I believe that it has to do with the child. I DON'T believe that the spanking should be the punishment because after a while it becomes ineffective and that could force the "adult" to increase the force of which the punishment is dealt. A quick smack (open-handed) on the rump or upper thigh can be a useful attention getter to allow you to explain the situation to the offender. NEVER on the face, NEVER, EVER! One that I find most effective is to grab the upper arm and squeeze. 99% of the time the offender will automatically look you in the face and ask "what...?". Overall, I have found that taking things away from them and having foods they don't like for meals as being the best.

Personal experience is that time-outs just allow them to rest up for the next round. Once again, it all depends on the child.

 

[Leonidas]

All the children I know whose parents don't spank them turned into whiny, feminine adults (yes... even the men) ...

 

[JasonRox]

Brainwash them.

That seems to be an effective method, but not practical since you are ruining your kids life.

Note: The same method got Bush re-elected, so I am more than positive that your kids will behave properly under this style of raising children.

Note: Not promoting brainwashing.

Note: Have fun with your kids.

 

[Leonidas]

... brain washing did not get bush re-elected... if you wish that subject to be discussed, perhaps you should go into the politics sub-section.

 

[Smurf]

It is being discussed in the political sub forum. And yes that is what got him elected.

 

[Leonidas]

no, it isn't... then keep it there.

 

[JasonRox]

Let's not get off-topic. It was just a note.

The reason why I said this is that I have met and know people who are brainwashed by their parents.

 

[Xasuke]

Saying not spanking your kids will turn them into "whiny, feminine adults" is BS. Maybe I'm forced to take offence because I was never really "spanked," but seriously, even if you were joking, how stupid is that? It pisses me off to see people satisfied holding onto erroneous logic.

 

[Smurf]

I was spanked and I still am a whiny, feminine adult.

 

[Moonbear]

Spanking is something that should be reserved for very limited use in situations where the kid really needs to learn fast that a very harmful consequence will occur for something they are about to do, such as touching a hot stove or running into the middle of a busy street. Otherwise, I believe one should go to the origins of the word "discipline," which is "to teach," for guidance in parenting. Don't punish your kids for doing the wrong thing, teach them the right thing. If you spend all day yelling at your kids, "No, don't do that!" they still aren't learning what they should be doing.

Yes, it does, to some extent, depend on the kid, but the kid who is going to be defiant will do so whether you are using time-outs, verbal warnings, screaming, or spanking. I also think if you help shape the child's behavior while they are young enough, it is easier to maintain discipline when they are older.

 

[vanesch]

is spanking is an effective way to discipline kids?

Why have kids if you cannot spank them ??

Seriously, I only spank when my kid is violent towards me. It rarely happens, but sometimes it does. It depends on the kid ; mine can sometimes get a rage attack when I say "no" to something, and if on that occasion he tries to hit me, or kick me, I spank him or slap him. It seems to work.

 

[Smurf]

Vanesch, if you respond to your child's violence with your own you are teaching him that that is the only way to respond to violence.

I will never approve of violence against a child under any conditions (unless he's coming at me with a knife )

 

[vanesch]

Vanesch, if you respond to your child's violence with your own you are teaching him that that is the only way to respond to violence.

No, I'm teaching him that when using violence on someone, he should be prepared for retaliation, and hence only pick targets which are weaker than him.

 

[Moonbear]

No, I'm teaching him that when using violence on someone, he should be prepared for retaliation, and hence only pick targets which are weaker than him.

If I didn't see that you're from France, I'd have asked if you were preparing him to become President of the US some day! I have to disagree with your approach there. That is what spanking teaches kids, you can be violent toward someone as long as they are smaller and weaker than you.

 

[Gza]

Spanking? That's nothing. Try getting beat by metal spoons, belts, and whatever my parents could get their hands on at the time.

 

[jimmy p]

I got smacked as a child. I feel it did me a world of good. And when I'm older I will smack my children if I see it as a suitable punishment. There is a difference between discipline and beating the living snot out of your kid but in this all too PC world, people can't see the difference.

 

[vanesch]

If I didn't see that you're from France, I'd have asked if you were preparing him to become President of the US some day!

Actually, I am. When the US will have changed their constitution to allow Schwarzie to be their president, I want my kid to have its chance too.

 

[Entropy]

Spanking is definitely needed in some children, not all though. If a kid is talking back to you and being disrespectful, pop that brat in the mouth. The fact is that most children won't do something unless they know there parents will physically inforce their authority. Children need to have a health amount of fear towards their parents.

Popping your child in the mouth or giving a whip on the bottom with the belt isn't going to make them violent. My parents spanked and whipped me a lot when I was young (I was a naughty little boy) and now I'm very well behaved, passive and mild mannered. My parents hardly ever spanked my sister, maybe 3 times in her whole life, and she sneaks out at 2 in the morning, goes to parties, cusses at my parents and doesn't show any respect to anyone.

 

[JasonRox]

Talking about violence?

Get rid of your gun and show your kids that adults don't need guns to solve problems.

If you think spanking is needed sometimes, that is equivalent to someone saying to just point the gun at the kid to scare the **** of the kid and he will never do it again.

Get off your damn computers, televisions and lazy ass and go out and play with the kid. Their life is probably one boring motha ****in life so that they try to spice it up by doing stupid things, but not necessarily stupid because they consider it fun (in which they NEED fun). So if you got off your lazy ass, and played with the damn kid, he learn plenty of things that are fun. He will learn that there are lots of things to do, that are fun. If you don't show the kid jack, then obviously the kid has to explore on his own and for ANYBODY exploring on their own, will obviously look stupid or act stupid when compared to some who is mature in that "field".

The bottom line is... kids NEED fun. You learn a lot through playing. Parents don't do jack these days and think by buying the kid a ****ing toy settles the problem. Stop looking at time as a price and play with the freaking kid. Make his/her life a living hell they will make yours a living hell.

Parents annoy the **** out of me with their stupid lazy ass complaining.

I've babysitted more than enough, and everytime I hear that the kid won't shut up and all this bad stuff. What do I do? I play games with the kid for like 2 hours of serious fun and then the kid just wants to relax a bit and watch tv with me even if they have no clue what the people on tv are talking about. Never had problems.

You might argue that they act differently around babysitters, but that's an opinion and not a fact.

In the end... if you suck at a parent, your kids are going to suck as a kid.

Note: Look back in the past. They had strong kid/parent relationships. Feymann would no doubt argue that without his parents he wouldn't have achieved all that he has. I'm not talking about paying for college and that bull****. I'm talking about the parents having fun with him. He found it fun to learn neat little things, so parents would accommodate what he thought as fun and showed him a bunch of cool stuff. Unfortunately, today we try to CHANGE what the kid thinks as fun rather than just accommodate what they enjoy. For example, I loved legos when I was kid. My parents sure hated the noise I made when I was searching for the littlest piece. They dealt with it because dealing with the noise is a small price to keep me out of trouble. Parents today try to convince kids that doing nothing and to be 100% quiet is fun. (i.e. sitting in the closet is fun)

If you say that you don't have time to play with your kid, that's ****ing bull**** again. If you don't have time to play, then you certainly didn't have time to freaking make a baby and the preparation for it. Time does not cost anything. Time is not money, atleast not when it comes to your kids.

GOD DAMMIT I'M SO MAD!

Note: Looking in the past, you see spanking, but not all parents did it. Surely not the good ones. I never got grounded or anything of the sort in my life. Not even when I got caught with drugs, alcohol, charged for theft, etc... Now, I'm 21 and I respect the laws the way they are. I treat people with respect and I help when I can.

 

[Entropy]

If you think spanking is needed sometimes, that is equivalent to someone saying to just point the gun at the kid to scare the **** of the kid and he will never do it again.

No its not! Thats actually threatening the child's life. That has to be the worst anology I've ever heard in my life.

Get off your damn computers, televisions and lazy ass and go out and play with the kid.

Thats assuming the kid wants to play with you. Many parents who force there kids to spend time with them when the kid doesn't what to end up making the situation worse.

I've babysitted more than enough, and everytime I hear that the kid won't shut up and all this bad stuff. What do I do? I play games with the kid for like 2 hours of serious fun and then the kid just wants to relax a bit and watch tv with me even if they have no clue what the people on tv are talking about. Never had problems.

Taking care of a child for two or three hours is a lot different than taking care of them for 18+ years.

In the end... if you suck at a parent, your kids are going to suck as a kid.

Note: Look back in the past. They had strong kid/parent relationships.

There are plenty of good people who had bad parents. What are you talking about?

 

[Moonbear]

No its not! Thats actually threatening the child's life. That has to be the worst anology I've ever heard in my life.

True, it's a bad analogy, but the threat is still there. "Popping" a kid in the mouth sounds like outright child abuse to me. Where did the kid learn to sass back from? Spend time with them and teach them properly when they are little and they will behave well when older.

Thats assuming the kid wants to play with you. Many parents who force there kids to spend time with them when the kid doesn't what to end up making the situation worse.

All little kids want to play, and if you start playing with them and spending time with them while they are still infants, they will grow to cherish this time. It's the kids who are left to their own devices who get into trouble the most.

Taking care of a child for two or three hours is a lot different than taking care of them for 18+ years.

Darn straight! That's why people ought to consider very carefully if they are ready to spend that much time raising a child and giving them the attention they need before they do anything to result in having a child. It gets tiresome to play repetitive games with a child, but that's what they learn from and you have to do it if you are a parent. And if you didn't give it that much thought in advance, then too bad, suck it up and deal with it, because that's a little person you need to raise.

The toughest part is for someone who was spanked as a child to learn how to discipline their children without resorting to spanking because they haven't seen how other methods work. A better analogy than the one used earlier is that of spritzing your cat with water every time it climbs on the kitchen counter. You think you are teaching it to stay off the counter tops, much as you think spanking a child is teaching him/her to behave well, but all it teaches the cat is to stay off the countertop when you are there or when it sees the water sprayer.

 

[Zantra]

I agree with jason's frank, if not eloquent take on things- with caveats of course. You can't raise a child by fear because that doesn't garner respect. It is better to be respected than feared. Those of you who think there's nothing wrong with using hard spanking, whipping, smacking, beating, etc to discipline, do the world a favor- don't reproduce- to those of you who have, I feel sorrry for your children.

Now, that that's out of the way, As someone mentioned earlier, the goal of discipline is to teach your child right and wrong. Beating a child into compliance does not teach. They may do what you say, but they won't understand the reasons-only that when they do x, they feel the pain and punishment of y. Spanking is only useful as a toddler. When they are old enough to understand you, it's no longer necessary. When I punish, I ALWAYS give an explanation of why I'm doing it, and what the right thing to do is. It works for me. I don't need to take my frustrations with my child's behavior out on them to feel better. Unfortunately some parents do that, and it's wrong. Beating them brings compliance without understand. Blind submission breeds fear, not respect. And fear breeds hatred. And that's not the path parents want to take, though many do, but that's where that path leads. And then they wonder where they went wrong. It's right there folks.

Give a man a fish, and he will eat. Teacha a man to fish and he'll eat for a lifetime. Beat a man with a fish, and he'll give you the finger and go to Burger King just to spite you.

 

[Smurf]

Can someone give me a decent explenation of how, in any way or form, beating your kids can help them?

 

[Gokul43201]

Can someone give me a decent explenation of how, in any way or form, beating your kids can help them?

When you kid is too young to think logically, then spanking creates a cause-effect memory in the kid that will stop the kid from doing things like tumbling down stairs, sticking fingers in electrical outlets, poking self with forks and knives, swallowing inedibles, etc.

 

[BoulderHead]

Spanking is free for children but adults have to pay for it

is spanking is an effective way to discipline kids?

It works good with old folks, too.

I don't think so for a of couple of reasons. One of them being that it makes children learn that violence is the solution to everything, and it causes them to have problems when theyre older in most cases

If you beat little Johnny for engaging in a brawl at school, be sure while doing so to chant with the lashes; Hitting people is wrong, hitting people is wrong…

what do you guys think?

I think the price for my last spanking was a little on the high side...

 

[Smurf]

When you kid is too young to think logically, then spanking creates a cause-effect memory in the kid that will stop the kid from doing things like tumbling down stairs, sticking fingers in electrical outlets, poking self with forks and knives, swallowing inedibles, etc.

So you hit them for hurting themselves? and this is used before they think logically?

 

[JasonRox]

Sure some kids who get spanked come out good, but what about those who don't.

Wouldn't there be SERIOUS consequences for having wackos like them walking around?

 

[Moonbear]

So you hit them for hurting themselves? and this is used before they think logically?

No, in that case, the spanking is instead of them hurting themselves. A little sting on the bottom or slap across the back of the hands is better than burnt hands on the hot stove and gets the point across, if you only use it very infrequently. In that case, it's not used as a punishment, just a quick attention grabber to teach them of the bad consequences of what they are about to do. It's better to just pay attention to the kids and keep them away from the stove in the first place. If they've already managed to injure themself, then they've learned the hard way...then there's no need for a spanking, just get out the ice cubes and/or bandaids.

 

[Smurf]

A tip for burns: Run it under warm water, not cold, it's still soothing but it doesn't cause the friction of a large difference in temperature which can make it worse in the long run, then apply alovera if available.

 

[Entropy]

True, it's a bad analogy, but the threat is still there. "Popping" a kid in the mouth sounds like outright child abuse to me.

No its not a threat, its a consequence. Pointing a gun at someone is a threat. Oh yes, that poor child got a little slap on the cheek! He'll be dramatized for life! I'm sorry, but I can understand why some people don't approve of spanking because they believe its ineffective, but now you're trying to treat children like wusses.

You can't raise a child by fear because that doesn't garner respect.

Wrong. Fear does indeed garner respect.

Can someone give me a decent explenation of how, in any way or form, beating your kids can help them?

So they can see consequences for there actions and, if need be, get them to behave themselves under certain circumstances. Also to teach a child respect for their parents.

When they are old enough to understand you, it's no longer necessary.

Dude, serious. A child isn't going to understand a lot of the morals you try to teach them because they are, infact, a child. Think of all the misunderstandings teens have with there parents! Children don't understand the world.

I don't need to take my frustrations with my child's behavior out on them to feel better.

Thats child abuse you're talking about. We are talking about spanking for disciplinary purposes. Spanking for disciplinary purposes doesn't envolve acting on pure emotion.

 

[Zantra]

Wrong. Fear does indeed garner respect.
[/QUOTE}

Wrong. Fear and respect are 2 different things. When you spank a child and don't explain the reason for the spanking, they simply learned that They shouldn't do something because they will get hit. They never understand WHY you hit them, just that they did this, so they got hit. Then they start to think that the hitting isn't warranted and that it's unfair. And it goes downhill from there.

Spanking a kid brings compliance from fear of reprisal. Punishment with explanations in their terms brings respect because they recognize that you truly know what's best for them.


[QUOTE}
So they can see consequences for there actions and, if need be, get them to behave themselves under certain circumstances. Also to teach a child respect for their parents.

I think you meant teach them to fear you beating the living crud out of them, not respect.

Dude, serious. A child isn't going to understand a lot of the morals you try to teach them because they are, infact, a child. Think of all the misunderstandings teens have with there parents! Children don't understand the world.

There are lots of object lessons you can teach your child that they will understand, without spanking them.

Thats child abuse you're talking about. We are talking about spanking for disciplinary purposes. Spanking for disciplinary purposes doesn't envolve acting on pure emotion.

Regardless of what it's called, it's the end result that matters. You can be afraid of someone, do whatever they say, and still not respect them.

 

[Entropy]

I think you meant teach them to fear you beating the living crud out of them, not respect.

That is respect! When giving strong consideration to one's authority, that is respect. True, other forms of respect can, and should, be made in other ways like spending time with them and whatnot. But that isn't going to get a child to obey you when he/she really wants something.

Also, spanking isn't beating the crud out of someone. I think you have a horrible misconception of a slap across the cheek, or a belt to the bottom. You seem to think it involves a child actually being hurt or bruised. The worst that happens is a little red skin that last for like five minutes.

There are lots of object lessons you can teach your child that they will understand, without spanking them.

Yeah, they'll understand it once they're all grown up and its too late to change the past. Most children aren't as understanding as you, me or most of the people here. You don't need to use spanking all the time, or even most of the time. But in some circumstances it is needed.

Regardless of what it's called, it's the end result that matters. You can be afraid of someone, do whatever they say, and still not respect them.

Whats your point? That a child has freewill? Of coarse its possible that a child will turn out bad no matter what you do.

 

[ShawnD]

All little kids want to play, and if you start playing with them and spending time with them while they are still infants, they will grow to cherish this time. It's the kids who are left to their own devices who get into trouble the most.

That is not true at all. One of my friends had parents that would try to force the family to do stuff together. My friend absolutely hated his parents because of it.

 

[JasonRox]

That is not true at all. One of my friends had parents that would try to force the family to do stuff together. My friend absolutely hated his parents because of it.

Keyword: FORCE

We never said force your kids to play with you. The fact is that when a child is annoying you, the child probably wants to play with you. The problem is that every damn parent ignores their kid.