Broken ties

  • #1
So a little while ago I made a topic here about breaking ties with this one annoying friend.

The link to that topic is here if anyone is interested in reading it/want to refresh yourself: https://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?t=324730

So I just told this friend today to GTFO.

Ok well not in so little words.

You may remember this "friend" was calling me twice a day like I was his girlfriend. 2 people in our family have passed away and any half-decent friend upon hearing such dim news would say "Oh I'm sorry to hear that man, my condolences, I'll let you be". Instead he was blathering on for about an hour about his work and his sales to his clients when I mentioned this to him, and asked for some privacy.

He was calling me at work yesterday and asked me to do some inane thing for another one of his side pursuits. Before he said all this to me I said "Hey dude I'm at work, can I call you back later". He just kept talking and talking. He then later that day calls me again and text messages me when I don't pick up with "Did you find any info?".

I couldn't take it when today again he calls. I'm swamped with work from 2 of my 5 bosses. I told him bluntly in an email "Stop calling me at work." He responds and whines about how I'm being rude and I shouldn't be rude and how I should have said something and blathers on in an email. I responded and told him the above situation bluntly and he responds with "f*** you" "I'm deleting your phone number" this that and the other, and I was just thinking to myself "Wow dude he is acting like a little girl".

At the end of all that insane worthless drama, I was partly worried because I wasn't raised in such a way that I lose friends. I always make friends and am cool with everyone just like my parents are. But after about 15 minutes, I was like "wow this is great. So much more relaxing and less strenuous".

If all this falls through and he stops calling me, I just want to say thanks to everyone that gave me advice on the matter. I told my mom this later today and she said "Don't worry about it, he needs a little growing up to do". I'm glad my mom commended me and was on my side, it's a little rare to hear such things.

I will spare you the full transcript of the email, but do you think it was worth it? Do you think the way I let him out on the truth was proper? I would think that when you have 2 deaths in the family, your work, your GRE prep, volunteer work outside of all this, plus other matters to contend with, a worthless needy friend is the least exigent concern.
 

Answers and Replies

  • #2
lisab
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Absolutely, I think you made a realistic and good choice. This was a one-way friendship. You're being productive and developing the foundation of your own life now - you don't need the burden of carrying selfish people who only take and never give.

From what you've told us about this very odd friendship, I believe this is the best choice for you. Sad, but that's life, sometimes.

Congrats for having the courage to go through with what you know is best for you :approve:.
 
  • #3
Evo
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You definitely made the right decision. That person isn't a friend. Close the door and don't let them back in. You should block their e-mail address in your spam filter while you're at it.
 
  • #5
Pengwuino
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I will spare you the full transcript of the email, but do you think it was worth it? Do you think the way I let him out on the truth was proper? I would think that when you have 2 deaths in the family, your work, your GRE prep, volunteer work outside of all this, plus other matters to contend with, a worthless needy friend is the least exigent concern.
Yes. How stupid, how old is he? People like that don't have boundaries and unless you want to be the one to teach him boundaries, he won't change. Then again maybe this will be lesson 1 :rofl:.
 
  • #6
DaveC426913
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Then again maybe this will be lesson 1.
It may or may not be. One thing is for sure: let him apply his possible newfound knowledge elsewhere.
 
  • #7
Pengwuino
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Up until recently, I didn't think people that rude actually existed. Then this new grad student came here 2 years ago.... turned my world upside down. I honestly wish we could send him off to a lab and have his brain examined to see what we can learn about how someone could develop to be such a douchebag.
 
  • #8
490
2
I will spare you the full transcript of the email, but do you think it was worth it? Do you think the way I let him out on the truth was proper? I would think that when you have 2 deaths in the family, your work, your GRE prep, volunteer work outside of all this, plus other matters to contend with, a worthless needy friend is the least exigent concern.
Everything you do, you do for you...even if you try to justify your actions by saying it was for someone else. Bottom line, you said you felt relieved -- therefore it was the proper thing to do.
 
  • #9
Absolutely, I think you made a realistic and good choice. This was a one-way friendship. You're being productive and developing the foundation of your own life now - you don't need the burden of carrying selfish people who only take and never give.

From what you've told us about this very odd friendship, I believe this is the best choice for you. Sad, but that's life, sometimes.

Congrats for having the courage to go through with what you know is best for you :approve:.
Thank you so much! I'm glad to know it was the right decision. It wasn't easy though, I'll tell you that. In the end my tolerance bucket overflowed and resulted in sheer frustration which led me to finally razing it.

You definitely made the right decision. That person isn't a friend. Close the door and don't let them back in. You should block their e-mail address in your spam filter while you're at it.
Oooh good point. I will try to do just that. I'm not sure what I will do about the phone number though. I guess I'll just leave it as is and hope he doesn't call back. It didn't sound like he wanted to either, here's a transcript from the email (with the curse words *'d out for the sake of the children :tongue:)

I don't care if I ever here from you again. I am busy as well too.
Again, I don't have to call your a** ever. I did because it was cool to talk to you.
But if to you its "putting up with my a** for 1 hour, f*** you." I just deleted your number from my phone.

You are busy.... bffhh. haha
God... I love your sarcasm man, but I sincerely hope that what you posted DOESN'T end up happening in my situation. I don't ever want to hear from this guy ever again. And while I know the rules, he doesn't.

Yes. How stupid, how old is he? People like that don't have boundaries and unless you want to be the one to teach him boundaries, he won't change. Then again maybe this will be lesson 1 :rofl:.
I'm 22, he's a few months shy of a year older than me physically. Mentally he's like 5.

Everything you do, you do for you...even if you try to justify your actions by saying it was for someone else. Bottom line, you said you felt relieved -- therefore it was the proper thing to do.
Thanks a lot. I'm really happy to hear that, honestly. It's hard letting friends go, but its for the best.
 
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  • #10
I am all for blunt honesty. If he can't take it he's obviously not a friend anyway.
 
  • #11
Chi Meson
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Remember that guy I told you about? He ALSO told me, and my wife, that we were being rude after telling him bluntly to leave us alone after we exhausted all tactful attempts.

Your guy employed standard "passive aggressive" tricks that were supposed to make you apologize. It appears to have almost worked; DON'T FALL FOR IT! You now have more reasons than ever to never talk to him again.

He will probably try to reconnect with you, first trying the "we both said things we didn't mean" line. Don't fall for it, tell him you really don't want to talk to him again, and immediately say good bye, hang up.

Then it will finally be the "I'm really sorry, I'm such a pathetic loser, I'm going to kill myself." Tell him he doesn't have to kill himself, just don't call anymore; give him a number for self help (get that ready), say goodbye, and hang up.
 
  • #12
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Chi, thats great insight and so very correct.* Its got to be good bye forever.



* Umm except the part where the says he wishes to kill himself. I personally would tell him where the nearest place that sold items which would grant him his wish, then I would hang up.
 
  • #13
Remember that guy I told you about? He ALSO told me, and my wife, that we were being rude after telling him bluntly to leave us alone after we exhausted all tactful attempts.

Your guy employed standard "passive aggressive" tricks that were supposed to make you apologize. It appears to have almost worked; DON'T FALL FOR IT! You now have more reasons than ever to never talk to him again.

He will probably try to reconnect with you, first trying the "we both said things we didn't mean" line. Don't fall for it, tell him you really don't want to talk to him again, and immediately say good bye, hang up.

Then it will finally be the "I'm really sorry, I'm such a pathetic loser, I'm going to kill myself." Tell him he doesn't have to kill himself, just don't call anymore; give him a number for self help (get that ready), say goodbye, and hang up.
I'm really sorry to hear about what transpired with your friend. That's horrible. No one should ever have to deal with that kind of a nuisance.

That said I will definitely follow your plans. I could picture the very same events happening myself, (probably because something like this to a far lesser degree DID happen before).

I highly doubt my friend would do the killing yourself part, or well express that sentiment explicitly. Most likely he'll put the blame on me in an effort to exonerate him of all guilt and transfer that to me. I'll likely not even bother putting up with it for 3 seconds, and just hang up. Probably won't even pick up the phone come to think of it.

Hell my ex-girlfriend did this to me, and I moved on from it. I learned that I was being somewhat immature so I just let her go, and figured theres so many more in the sea. Why bother putting yourself through such misery for someone who will never come back to you and who you could probably find the majority of the characteristics of (and maybe something even more and better) in someone else.
 
  • #14
turbo
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Remember that guy I told you about? He ALSO told me, and my wife, that we were being rude after telling him bluntly to leave us alone after we exhausted all tactful attempts.

Your guy employed standard "passive aggressive" tricks that were supposed to make you apologize. It appears to have almost worked; DON'T FALL FOR IT! You now have more reasons than ever to never talk to him again.
I had to disconnect with such a self-absorbed spoiled-brat "friend" after he convinced his parents that I was responsible for feeding his alcoholism and other faults. The guy would show up at times and want to play music, but he was often less-than-competent and would take trips outside to "take a leak" and come back more hammered than when he left.

When his father died, he came to my house to give me a CD of the Dixie Chicks (Home) trying to make up for his guilt over how his lies wrecked my relationship with his parents, but his his behavior over the previous 30 years or so has banished him to "not-friend". Cut it off cleanly, and don't look back.
 
  • #15
Borg
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I will spare you the full transcript of the email, but do you think it was worth it?
Yes, 100%. You're better off not having someone in your life who shows you no respect. I had a similarly annoying 'friend' who stomped out of my life over 10 years ago. The only thing that I kick myself for is not getting out of that friendship sooner.

Up until recently, I didn't think people that rude actually existed. Then this new grad student came here 2 years ago.... turned my world upside down. I honestly wish we could send him off to a lab and have his brain examined to see what we can learn about how someone could develop to be such a douchebag.
I think his twin used to work in my office. Blathering on every day about how everyone in management was out to get him. :zzz:
 
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