Can Simple Gestures Boost Your Dating Success?

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Simple gestures, such as holding doors or offering coffee, can enhance dating success by making a positive impression. However, seeking approval or being overly nice may backfire, as women often find "nice guys" less attractive. Instead, projecting confidence and emotional control is crucial, as women are drawn to men who appear self-sufficient and indifferent. Complimenting too soon or acting needy can diminish attraction, while a more challenging demeanor can spark interest. Ultimately, the discussion emphasizes that attraction is influenced by behavior rather than inherent qualities.
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Quoted from http://www.tesh.com/r/search/default.asp?mode=new .

"And one last tip for asking out that great gal you work with: Channel your inner James Bond. Vranich says nothing’s guaranteed to impress a girl like simply being classy and gentlemanly. If you’re going to lunch at the same time, hold the door for her, or the elevator. Or offer to get her a cup of coffee on your way to the break room. These little gestures will make you stand out. And when the time comes to ask her out, you’ll have a leg-up."

I guess I'm not out of the game, yet. I can totally do that!
 
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Have you not been doing that? Maybe I am just an ultra gentleman, but I always do whatever I can for a lady.
 
I never said I haven't. The last thing I said, "I can totally do that", kind of referred that I have and will be doing it. :rolleyes: :wink:
 
But is John Tesh really the guy to take advice in "studliness" from?
hmmm...
 
Nevermind, I see it's from a self-help guru. I am still skeptical.
 
Math Is Hard said:
But is John Tesh really the guy to take advice in "studliness" from?
hmmm...
I was thinking the same thing. :smile: John Tesh as the next James Bond... :smile:
 
LOL! :smile: :smile:
The name is Tesh, John Tesh..
 
As he plays the theme song on his accordion. (I think he plays the accordion.)
 
Playing a bit of a devil's advocate here :biggrin: . A mine of useful/or not information on relationship can be found http://www.relationships.blog-city.com/read/823331.htm .

Of course the operative word here is "attracting". Once you get her attention, you will have to play a whole new ball game. Good luck Chrono o:) .

Attracting Women
« H » Host :: email link
DON'T SEEK HER APPROVAL.

If your seeking approval she is pushed away. If your not seeking her approval it's more likely you will attract her. Don't ever take steps to get her to like you. Act as if you don't care what she thinks of you.

In every situation with a woman, you can say. WHATEVER you want to say in a way that either:

1) Seeks her approval.

2) Doesn't seek her approval

Think about it.

You're either SEEKING APPROVAL... or you're NOT...And most guys ARE when they're talking to a woman that they're interested in. Big mistake!





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CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS AROUND WOMEN
Remember, when it comes to ATTRACTION, all of the "normal" rules change.

You have to stop thinking about what you've learned about being a "nice guy" to other people, and realize that a woman's ATTRACTION isn't triggered by you being "nice".

So I have TWO good reasons why need to learn how to control your emotions around women:

1) If your emotions take control early on, you probably won't even be able to talk to her, call her, or ask
her out. You'll just be too freaked out to even make your first move.

2) Women aren't ATTRACTED to guys who let their emotions control them all the time. This is ESPECIALLY true when the guy acts like a wimp.

In a woman's mind, if a man is nice, he's weak.






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ATTRACTION MISTAKES
It’s the things you are doing that determine his or her level of interest in you.. So if it’s not you – defined as your looks, personality, background, and so on –it must be your that determines the direction and, ultimately, the outcome of the relationship. behavior toward this person

This very powerful, yet simple psychological strategy can be summed up in one sentence:

You need to behave with the women you don’t like the way you’ve been behaving with the women you do like.

You need to behave with the women you do like the way you’ve been behaving with the women you don’t like.






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KINDNESS AND BEING NICE
Unless you only want her as a friend don't be too nice to her. Being nice usually drives her away and you'll likely be rejected. Women are more attracted to "Nasty Men" than "nice guys". Women are very strange. Nasty men make her feel sexy and kind men turn her off. Many Women are not attracted to men who are kind, stable and reliable. She finds such men boring. In a woman's mind, if a man is kind, he's weak






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DON'T COMPLIMENT HER TOO SOON
Women like compliments that they have to WORK FOR a lot more than the ones that just come to them. By complimenting her too soon will make her think you're just an approval seeker and that makes you very unattractive to her.




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ACTING NEEDY
Don't act needy by calling her too often or send too many emails at first. Don't send her flowers. Let the suspense build. Calling her too often makes you less attractive to her. Let her know she is not your whole word and that you do have a life outside of her. Act like you can easily live without her and that you don't need her. Keep up your masculine pretense!






--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TELLING HER HOW YOU FEEL
Don't tell her that she means the world to you and that you love her. If you do the game is over. Again, to keep the attraction going let her know that you have a life and do very well without her. Act indifferent. Women prefer emotionally unavailable men and not wimps. Give her a challenge to get you. Your not easy. In strange way women see this indifferent attitude as confidence.






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PASSING HER TESTS
If a woman looks at you and makes eye contact don't look away suddenly as though you're shy. If you do she will consider you a wimp. Hold the eye contact long enough so that she knows you have courage and won't be intimidated by her. If you break eye contact too quickly you failed her test.

If you have just met woman at a bar and she asks you to buy her a drink and you say, OK what would you like. She knows she can control your actions and that you want her to like you, you have just failed another one of her tests. She knows you will relinquish your power to her and she'll find that very unattractive.







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WIMP

In a woman's mind, if a man is nice, he's weak. Never act like a wimp around women you are trying to attract. Always act self-confident. And, once again, never try to get her to like you by doing things for her. Never let her see your fear of rejection. If she rejects you take it like a man and don't show your hurt.



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SENSITIVE AND OPEN
Women often say they want to find a man who is in touch with his feelings, They say they want a man who is open and sensiitive. The problem is that she rejects such a man for one who is emotionally unavailable. Don't listen to her lies.





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BORING
No Boring Relationships please? "Women tend to look to relationships for excitement and thrills. This explains, at least in part, why so many women find themselves drawn to men who promise a challenge and a sense of intrigue. Someone like a jerk. So you'll have to give her excitement and thrills if you want to attract her.

Women consider sex with a responsible man boring too. So let's make sure she's never bored.



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JERKS
I just want a nice guy," women whine. Then they date the first drunken leather-clad jerk who spills his drink on her dress. If her relationship with a jerk fails she can blame it on him. But if her relationship with a kind man fails she gets some of the blame herself. It's safer to stick it out with a jerk. Women encourage men to be jerks. You see it all the time…women being attracted to a man considered bastards… the ones who treat them like crap…the ones who ignore them… the ones who talk down to them. They love it and keep the ball rolling. They actually encourage his jerk behavior. To be attractive become a jerk.



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MOTHER'S TRAINING
Mother's teach their son's to be kind and respectful. By doing this she is making her son very unattractive to women. Men have to regroup and learn to act like an a real man or a jerk to attract women. See how mother's training hurt men's romantic life?




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SAY NO

Don't cater to a beautiful woman's whims. Say no and don't take any crap from her. Then she'll find you very attractive like she does the jerks.



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HER SEXUAL FANTASY
A woman's sexual fantasies are aroused by a sexy jerk and not a kind and loving men. So learn to be more like a jerk and forget the kind man stuff. In a woman's mind, if a man is kind, he's weak




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WOMEN WANT MEN WHO KNOW WHAT TO SAY
"Less Is More" The first time or two that you speak to a woman you're interested in isn't the time to try and really engage her interest, it's the time to "spark" her interest.

"If You Want Someone To Be Interested In You Be Interested In Them"

"Use Open Ended Questions To Get The Conversation Flowing"

"If You Want Someone To Be Interested In You Be A Good Listener"

"If You Want Someone To Be Interested In You Be Interesting To Them"

"Make The Act Of Asking For Her Number Or Email Casual And Easy"


http://www.relationships.blog-city.com/read/823331.htm
 
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  • #10
Hmm, I guess I am too nice. Ok, I am going to be a real jackass to women for the next week or two, let's see how this plays out.
 
  • #11
Polly, I have to say that is some of the worst relationship advice I've ever read. Seems that site you got it from thinks the only way for men to get a date is to treat women like s**t.

Last night I caught an episode of Blind Date where they matched up two total geeks (both were self-admitted geeks even). Awww...it was so sweet, they made such a great couple even on a first, blind date. Compared to the usual sleezy people on that show who seem focused entirely on the subject of sex, these two talked about computers and morals, and you could tell there's the potential of a real relationship building out of this.

So, don't despair Chrono, there's plenty of hope for you still. You're just going to skip right past all those lousy relationships that don't work out and go straight for the one who's right for you.
 
  • #12
Oh my.

ACTING NEEDY
Don't act needy by calling her too often or send too many emails at first. Don't send her flowers. Let the suspense build. Calling her too often makes you less attractive to her. Let her know she is not your whole word and that you do have a life outside of her. Act like you can easily live without her and that you don't need her. Keep up your masculine pretense!
WRONG! That would make me feel like he's not interested and I would leave him if he didn't get a clue very quickly.

TELLING HER HOW YOU FEEL
Don't tell her that she means the world to you and that you love her. If you do the game is over. Again, to keep the attraction going let her know that you have a life and do very well without her. Act indifferent. Women prefer emotionally unavailable men and not wimps. Give her a challenge to get you. Your not easy. In strange way women see this indifferent attitude as confidence.
:smile: Guys, don't listen to this! :bugeye:
 
  • #13
Evo said:
Oh my.

ACTING NEEDY
Don't act needy by calling her too often or send too many emails at first. Don't send her flowers. Let the suspense build. Calling her too often makes you less attractive to her. Let her know she is not your whole word and that you do have a life outside of her. Act like you can easily live without her and that you don't need her. Keep up your masculine pretense!
WRONG! That would make me feel like he's not interested and I would leave him if he didn't get a clue very quickly.

TELLING HER HOW YOU FEEL
Don't tell her that she means the world to you and that you love her. If you do the game is over. Again, to keep the attraction going let her know that you have a life and do very well without her. Act indifferent. Women prefer emotionally unavailable men and not wimps. Give her a challenge to get you. Your not easy. In strange way women see this indifferent attitude as confidence.
Guys, don't listen to this!

You singled those two out, are the the rest ok?
 
  • #14
mattmns said:
You singled those two out, are the the rest ok?
No! I have such a headache I can hardly type, so that's all I could do.
 
  • #15
Evo said:
No! I have such a headache I can hardly type, so that's all I could do.
Hmm, ok I will listen to you. I did not really want to be mean to ladies for the next week anyway, it would be too hard, and the risk of getting slapped too great.
 
  • #16
Polly, I think this is horrible advice! No offense, but really, this advice is for those who like to play games and base a relationship on power. Guys, if you are sincere in your efforts of pursuing a sincere woman, don't even pay attention to this.

Polly, did you mean to post this as actual advice?
 
  • #17
Kerrie said:
Polly, I think this is horrible advice! No offense, but really, this advice is for those who like to play games and base a relationship on power. Guys, if you are sincere in your efforts of pursuing a sincere woman, don't even pay attention to this.

Polly, did you mean to post this as actual advice?
I think she meant in tongue in cheek. :-p
 
  • #18
I think when attracting women initially, Polly's advice works great for the most part. Of course it depends on what type of woman you are trying to attract too. It works best for the one-night-standish type and worst for the nerdy shy-ish type we all love. Then once you have them in a relationship you have to change your ball game and be nicer though. Read "Surely You're Joking Mr. Feynman" by Richard Feynman - looks like it works for him too.
 
  • #19
Pseudopod said:
I think when attracting women initially, Polly's advice works great for the most part. Of course it depends on what type of woman you are trying to attract too. It works best for the one-night-standish type and worst for the nerdy shy-ish type we all love. Then once you have them in a relationship you have to change your ball game and be nicer though. Read "Surely You're Joking Mr. Feynman" by Richard Feynman - looks like it works for him too.
Ohh yeah, I remember that part in Surely...Feynman, hmmm if Feynman says it works then it must be worth a shot. That was when he was at a bar right? And he would not pay for a ladies drink, and then she wanted him later lol
 
  • #20
Um, I only date/ am attracted to nice guys... I must be weird or something because my boyfriend is one of the nicest guys I know. I also did take note when we first met and he walked quickly as we approached a building so he could open the door, but then what do I know.
*goes off to ponder*
 
  • #21
Good thing I didn't read that, huh?
 
  • #22
Chrono said:
Good thing I didn't read that, huh?

Well, unless you're really into neurotic women with no self-esteem, in which case go ahead and follow that advice. :-p
 
  • #23
Evo said:
I think she meant in tongue in cheek. :-p


:blushing: oops, okay...wasn't quite sure of her context
 
  • #24
Polly said:
ACTING NEEDY
Don't act needy by calling her too often or send too many emails at first. Don't send her flowers. Let the suspense build. Calling her too often makes you less attractive to her. Let her know she is not your whole word and that you do have a life outside of her. Act like you can easily live without her and that you don't need her.

I like this advice. I honestly don't see anything wrong with not acting needy. He's only talking about the first time you meet a gal, lighten up people! Guys can be busy too you know!

Don't worry Polly I got your back! :)
 
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  • #25
The_Professional said:
I like this advice. I honestly don't see anything wrong with not acting needy. He's only talking about the first time you meet a gal, lighten up people! Guys can be busy too you know!

Don't worry Polly I got your back! :)

Okay, I agree about not appearing needy. Or, more important, don't BE needy. Just don't confuse being needy with being attentive. It's good to be able to be your own person and not attached at the hip and not to call every 10 minutes, but you do still need to call. Sending flowers isn't being needy, though sending flowers every day, in increasingly larger bouquets until her home starts resembling a funeral parlor is being needy.
 
  • #26
Polly said:
stuff


I refuse to click any url that has 'blog' in it. Ever.
 
  • #27
franznietzsche said:
I refuse to click any url that has 'blog' in it. Ever.
Why don't you read blogs? I've run across a few that are quite nice. (BTW, you're not killing this thread.)
 
  • #28
Political blogs are all the rage these days. Rage against the machine, heh
 
  • #29
The_Professional said:
Political blogs are all the rage these days. Rage against the machine, heh
Yeah, bloggers are taking over CNN too.
There are some very helpful and well-designed web design blogs (big surprise :rolleyes: ).
 
  • #30
The_Professional said:
Don't worry Polly I got your back! :)

Thank you Propro, you are the baddest! :biggrin:

Ladies, chill out :smile: . If nobody likes my advice that's just too bad, maybe things are a bit different in America. :biggrin:
 
  • #31
And while you're waiting, here's a group with a good theme song to keep you inspired!
http://www.americanhi-fi.com/main.php

Their song, "The Geeks Get the Girls" is the Carson Daly pick of the week (i.e., free download this week) from iTunes. :biggrin:

P.S. I just finished downloading it, and it's pretty funny! If you have iTunes, I recommend downloading it while it's free, just for the laugh. :-p
 
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  • #32
Polly said:
Thank you Propro, you are the baddest! :biggrin:

Ladies, chill out :smile: . If nobody likes my advice that's just too bad, maybe things are a bit different in America. :biggrin:

Your advice encourages arrogance in men, a huge turn off to the intelligent ladies, especially the intelligent ones in America. So, men, if you are hoping to score a woman with zero depth and 100% superficiality, by all means, please follow Polly's advice.
 
  • #33
I agree with Kerrie's assessment of the advice posted by Polly. Even though it might be 'tongue in cheek', I think it's a poor example. Unfortunately, some men may follow such advice. I would hope that my son would never behave in such a way, and I hope that any man would not treat my daughter or sister in such a way.

Chivalry is still alive. Being kind, considerate and thoughtful, as well as open and honest is the appropriate behavior, and this is what I would expect from my son, or any young man who wishes to date my daughter.

All the women I have known prefer 'nice' guys. It is how I am, how my father is and how my grandfathers were.
 
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  • #34
For a real relationship, yes, women definitely prefer the nice guys. That's not to say many women don't find one bad guy along the way for some fun, but those never last. Stability and reliability are much better.
 
  • #35
If you look at all the female publications in the newsstands. All of the topics are all saying: "How to make a man want you" "How to make him beg and scream for more". They're all after one thing, which is getting a man to want you.

Now if the same guy tries to employ some that will help him find and keep a relationship he's branded a "lying, manipulative arrogant bastard".
Talk about a double standard.
 
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  • #36
The_Professional said:
If you look at all the female publications in the newsstands. All of the topics are all saying: "How to make a man want you" "How to make him beg and scream for more". They're all after one thing, which is getting a man to want you right.

Now if the same guy tries to employ some that will help him find and keep a relationship he's branded a "lying, manipulative arrogant bastard".
Talk about a double standard.

Oh, it's not really a double standard. If a guy employs those rules Polly posted, he'll be just as likely to get the same superficial sort of person that the women using the rules in one of those magazines would get. Have you ever read the nonsense in those magazines? Actually, the rules Polly posted are almost identical to the rules that women get from those magazines about men. They don't have to work, they just have to sell magazines.
 
  • #37
Moonbear said:
Oh, it's not really a double standard. If a guy employs those rules Polly posted, he'll be just as likely to get the same superficial sort of person that the women using the rules in one of those magazines would get. Have you ever read the nonsense in those magazines? Actually, the rules Polly posted are almost identical to the rules that women get from those magazines about men. They don't have to work, they just have to sell magazines.

I've seen it. Women understand men, you don't even need to read it. It's wired into you. When it comes to relationships you gals are packing the machine gun while the guy has the mini revolver with one bullet...but has challenge written on it :wink:
 
  • #38
Astronuc said:
Chivalry is still alive. Being kind, considerate and thoughtful, as well as open and honest is the appropriate behavior, and this is what I would expect from my son, or any young man who wishes to date my daughter.

All the women I have known prefer a 'nice' guys. It is how I am, how my father is and how my grandfathers were.

I totally agree with you here. My dad's the nicest guy I know and that's where I got it from. I, personally, would rather be chivalrous than a jerk. Even if the girl's are initially attracted to them.
 
  • #39
Chrono said:
I totally agree with you here. My dad's the nicest guy I know and that's where I got it from. I, personally, would rather be chivalrous than a jerk. Even if the girl's are initially attracted to them.
Yep, even if a woman is initially attracted to someone that's treats them poorly, if things don't improve (and they usually don't) it won't be long before she turns to the nice guy that's been standing in the background all along.

Of course there are exceptions, but would you a want a girl that likes to be mistreated?
 
  • #40
The_Professional said:
while the guy has the mini revolver with one bullet...

:rolleyes: No need to be embarrassed, it happens to lots of guys, honest. :biggrin:
 
  • #41
Moonbear said:
:rolleyes: No need to be embarrassed, it happens to lots of guys, honest. :biggrin:


ouch!

I've seen it. Women understand men, you don't even need to read it. It's wired into you.

Well for one, perhaps it is you that attract these sort of women, and the good ones don't see the qualities in you that they are looking for. Stop placing the blame solely on the female gender and take an honest look at what you might be doing.
 
  • #42
Kerrie said:
ouch!

Well for one, perhaps it is you that attract these sort of women, and the good ones don't see the qualities in you that they are looking for. Stop placing the blame solely on the female gender and take an honest look at what you might be doing.

That's quite an assumption on someone you don't know. With your history of throwing cheap shots at people you disagree with I'm not surprise lol.
 
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  • #43
Moonbear said:
:rolleyes: No need to be embarrassed, it happens to lots of guys, honest. :biggrin:

*LOL* you're funny...
 
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  • #44
The_Professional said:
That's quite an assumption on someone you don't know. With your history of throwing cheap shots at people you disagree with I'm not surprise lol.

I didn't think it was meant as any sort of cheap shot. It's good advice. It doesn't mean it is the case, but anyone who finds themselves attracting a lot of the wrong type of people or winding up in a lot of the wrong type of relationships should consider looking inward to find out if there's something they are doing that's driving away the type of people they really would like to meet, or that's turning them into a magnet for the ones who are all wrong for them. Maybe they aren't doing anything wrong and are just on a streak of bad luck, but it does happen that people send out signals they don't know they are sending.
 
  • #45
The_Professional said:
That's quite an assumption on someone you don't know. With your history of throwing cheap shots at people you disagree with I'm not surprise lol.
it certainly wasn't meant as a cheap shot...if you have this sort of view of women due to your experiences on a consistent basis, you are most likely attracting these sort of people for a reason. it was meant as a sincere pointer actually.
 
  • #46
Kerrie said:
it certainly wasn't meant as a cheap shot...if you have this sort of view of women due to your experiences on a consistent basis, you are most likely attracting these sort of people for a reason. it was meant as a sincere pointer actually.

My point is: In dating, women do the choosing and guys do the picking. Women have the veto power on whether she will continually see the guy again or not. That is a fact. You cannot argue with reality.

Whether that is a bad thing or a good thing is not what I'm arguing for or against. Comprende?
 
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  • #47
The_Professional said:
My point is: In dating, women do the choosing and guys do the picking. Women have the veto power on whether she will continually see the guy again or not. That is a fact. You cannot argue with reality.

Sure, but the guy can also "veto" future dates. Otherwise you're suggesting that unless a woman dumps a guy, men will just date them indefinitely, which isn't what happens. And, in picking and choosing, part of that involves having a good selection around to pick and choose from. That's what Kerrie is talking about, ensuring you're attracting the right women in your direction to be a part of this picking and choosing process. Women don't have any more of an innate ability to understand men than men have of understanding women. There's no formula for this. Getting to learn more about understanding the individual is what dating is about.
 
  • #48
Moonbear said:
Sure, but the guy can also "veto" future dates. Otherwise you're suggesting that unless a woman dumps a guy, men will just date them indefinitely, which isn't what happens.

A guy can veto dates. But ask any guy how many dates he's turned down. Unless he's George Clooney the answer is usually less than one.

Sadly, there are a lot of guys that will stick with a woman who has low interest in him. And yes, that's what usually happens.
 

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