Collection of Lame Jokes

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The discussion revolves around sharing and enjoying "lame" jokes, with participants contributing various puns and one-liners. Jokes include classic setups like "A duck walks into a pharmacy..." and "Why did the chicken cross the road?" along with playful wordplay, such as "What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick." The humor is characterized by its groan-inducing quality, with many jokes eliciting laughter despite their simplicity. Participants also engage in light banter about the nature of humor, with some jokes being deemed too funny to qualify as "lame." The thread highlights a shared enjoyment of corny humor and the camaraderie that comes from exchanging jokes, creating a lighthearted atmosphere.
  • #601
W(10chars)
 
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  • #602
DaveC426913 said:
W(10chars)

Darn! I didn't think of that. :-p
 
  • #603
DaveC426913 said:
W(10chars)
This does not accurately convey "dubya"
 
  • #604
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
 
  • #605
TEACHER: Glenn, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
GLENN: You told me to do it without using tables!
 
  • #606
davec426913 said:
too wordy. Top this joke:

George bush.

ivan seeking said:
gwb...

davec426913 said:
w(10chars)[/color]

0 . .[/color]
 
  • #607
HeLiXe said:
This does not accurately convey "dubya"

No? I'll bet 99% of the North American population know precisely who I'm talking about even without the added context.
 
  • #608
DaveC426913 said:
No? I'll bet 99% of the North American population know precisely who I'm talking about even without the added context.

I'd bet you are correct, but here's the really scary part: Who else can be referenced with only one letter?

S
 
  • #609
DaveC426913 said:
No? I'll bet 99% of the North American population know precisely who I'm talking about even without the added context.

Yes I have to agree that you are correct there. I meant the phrase "dubya" as it correlates to the letter. When I look at "W," I think "double U"... perhaps "dubya" should have it's own character :-p (written character that is)
 
  • #610
[PLAIN]http://www.explosm.net/db/files/Comics/Rob/wolves.png
[PLAIN]http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/123010/why-you-got-pockets.gif[ATTACH=full]197012[/ATTACH]
 

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  • #611
Lancelot59 said:
[PLAIN]http://www.explosm.net/db/files/Comics/Rob/wolves.png

:smile:
 
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  • #612
Ivan Seeking said:
I'd bet you are correct, but here's the really scary part: Who else can be referenced with only one letter?

S

Well maybe, the next recovered alcoholic hillbilly that have never read a book and manages to get elected president for the last nuclear superpower and starts a war against the wrong country and reauthorizes torture and increases the national debt by 27% and manages to get reelected and almost destroys the world economy and writes one book about it and builds a library, will also be known by only one letter...

S = Sarah Palin :smile:
 
  • #613
DaveC426913 said:
No? I'll bet 99% of the North American population know precisely who I'm talking about even without the added context.

Also true for Europe, we all know that W means War.
 
  • #614
DevilsAvocado said:
Well maybe, the next recovered alcoholic hillbilly that have never read a book and manages to get elected president for the last nuclear superpower and starts a war against the wrong country and reauthorizes torture and increases the national debt by 27% and manages to get reelected and almost destroys the world economy and writes one book about it and builds a library, will also be known by only one letter...

S = Sarah Palin :smile:

I would never have guessed S was for Sarah Palin. Is it?
 
  • #615
DaveC426913 said:
I would never have guessed S was for Sarah Palin. Is it?

Ivan Seeking is running for president!?


:smile: Seriously, over here the similarities between W & S are scary... and "worse"... i.e. Dumb & Dumber.
 
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  • #616
DevilsAvocado said:
:smile: Seriously, over here the similarities between W & S are scary... and "worse"... i.e. Dumb & Dumber.

What's truly scary is, not that they aspire and run, but that Americans willingly vote for them.
 
  • #617
What's even scarier is that you two don't know the difference between Sarah Palin, and Superman. :biggrin:

http://www.deadline.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/superman-emblem.jpg

Also, for what it's worth, Palin only gets about 30% support for a Presidential run - i.e. she's qualified to be President. This is while she's not actually running, which means that her numbers in a race should be lower. I think her goose is cooked. She's just a reality TV celeb now.
 
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  • #618
DaveC426913 said:
What's truly scary is, not that they aspire and run, but that Americans willingly vote for them.

Right on spot! ...but I didn’t dare to be that "indiscreet"... :redface:
 
  • #619
Ivan Seeking said:
What's even scarier is that you two don't know the difference between Sarah Palin, and Superman. :biggrin:

HAHA LOLOL! :smile: :smile:
 
  • #620
S = Superwoman = Sarah Palin

DC_Comics_Presents_Annual_2.jpg


:bugeye:
 
  • #621
DevilsAvocado said:
Right on spot! ...but I didn’t dare to be that "indiscreet"... :redface:

No need for that. I've had nightmares about such things.
 
  • #622
Thanks Ivan. I will reload my gun... :wink:
 
  • #623
happy-new-year.gif
 
  • #624
I would never have guessed that S is for Superman.
 
  • #625
One my kids told me

Pie are square, no, pi are round, cornbread are square
 
  • #626
My son, when he was young, showed us how proud he was that he could turn a circle into a square. He demonstrated with a paper plate by folding down four flaps.

When asked about something more complex, such as how to turn a square into a circle, my wife blurted out "That's easy! Just unfold the flaps again!"

:smile:
 
  • #627
Lancelot59 said:
happy-new-year.gif


Happy New Beard!

windmill-beard.jpg
 
  • #628
Top 10 W Moments

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=<object width="480" height="385">
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<param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param>
<embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/rToKEnySb7s&fs=1&amp;hl=en_US&amp;rel=0&amp;color1=0x402061&amp;color2=0x9461ca" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed>
</object>


Unforgettable Decision Points

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=<object width="480" height="385">
<param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/DEbZqvMu2cQ&fs=1&amp;hl=en_US&amp;rel=0&amp;color1=0x402061&amp;color2=0x9461ca"></param>
<param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param>
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<embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/DEbZqvMu2cQ&fs=1&amp;hl=en_US&amp;rel=0&amp;color1=0x402061&amp;color2=0x9461ca" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed>
</object>
 
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  • #629
DevilsAvocado said:
Happy New Beard!

windmill-beard.jpg

Nice one!
 
  • #630
Lancelot59 said:
Nice one!

Thanks! I couldn’t decide if I should go for the windmill or Space Shuttle this year...

(:biggrin:)
 
  • #631
OmCheeto said:
Reminds me of:

Yo mama's so fat, she's got smaller fat mama's orbiting around her.

Yo mama's so fat, she's got an event horizon.

Yo mama's so fat, tightening her belt causes her to drop below her Schwarzschild Radius.

yomamaschwarzschild.png


Yo mama's so fat, it took a team of Astrophysicists years of carefully measuring the distortion of light arriving from galaxies on the far side of her gravity well in order to calculate her mass.
 
  • #632
Max™ said:
Yo mama's so fat, she's got an event horizon.

Yo mama's so fat, tightening her belt causes her to drop below her Schwarzschild Radius.

yomamaschwarzschild.png


Yo mama's so fat, it took a team of Astrophysicists years of carefully measuring the distortion of light arriving from galaxies on the far side of her gravity well in order to calculate her mass.

Your mama's so fat that all the fat collapsed into a singularity and she wound up looking good?
 
  • #633
Perhaps, but who could tell she looked good if light can't cross her event horizon?
 
  • #635
Sorry, thought it was a pretty lame joke related to the one I read, so I put it here, didn't see the other. :P

Here's one from my 3 year old niece.

Her: Knock Knock
My mom: Who's there?
Her: Orng. (Orange)
My Mom: Orng who?
*niece puts the phone down and walks away*
 
  • #636
A cute one for kids, sort of, that for whatever reason I find hilarious:

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log.

"My what big eyes you have, Mr Wolf", says Little Red Riding Hood.

The wolf jumps up and runs away. Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again. This time he is crouched behind a tree stump.

"My what big ears you have, Mr Wolf", says Little Red Riding Hood.

Again the wolf jumps up and runs away. Some distance further down the track Little Red Riding Hood again encounters the Big Bad Wolf, this time crouched behind a road sign.

"My what big teeth you have, Mr Wolf", taunts Little Red Riding Hood.

With that the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams... "Will you leave me alone! I'm trying to poo!"
 
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  • #637
A lame video joke.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jRmo7iM5vk
 
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  • #638
"What car do you drive?"

"Hmmm, I forgot the exact name... it starts with T..."

"That's impressive, Mine needs gasoline. Never heard of a car that starts with T(ea)"
 
  • #639
Just came across this one. I thought it was rather good.

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
 
  • #640
Kurdt said:
just came across this one. I thought it was rather good.

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "but why?" they asked, as they moved off. "because," he said "i can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
buwahahahaha!
 
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  • #641
I walked into a zoo the other day. There was only one dog in it. It was a shih tzu.
 
  • #642
Kurdt said:
I walked into a zoo the other day. There was only one dog in it. It was a shih tzu.

:smile:
 
  • #643
Kurdt said:
I walked into a zoo the other day. There was only one dog in it. It was a shih tzu.

Thats funny, I was just at the zoo the other day as well, what I learned was that they can't do any testing in zoos. Do you know why they can't test in the zoo? There are too many cheetahs.
 
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  • #644
Jasongreat said:
That funny, I was just at the zoo the other day as well, what I learned was that they can't do any testing in zoos. Do you know why the can't test in the zoo? There are too many cheetahs.

Yeah, and the ones who say they aren't cheetahs, are lion.
 
  • #645
Jasongreat said:
That funny, I was just at the zoo the other day as well, what I learned was that they can't do any testing in zoos. Do you know why the can't test in the zoo? There are too many cheetahs.

Ivan Seeking said:
Yeah, and the ones who say they aren't cheetahs, are lion.
ahahahaha, oh booo, to both of you! :biggrin:
 
  • #646
Now we've done it, Jason, Evo is crying fowl.
 
  • #647
THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
The eyesight to tell the difference
 
  • #648
And to go along with that:

The 3 rules of aging:

Never pass up a bathroom
Never waste a boner
Never trust a fart
 
  • #649
DaveC426913 said:
And to go along with that:

The 3 rules of aging:

Never pass up a bathroom
Never waste a boner
Never trust a fart

- The Bucket List
 
  • #650
DaveC426913 said:
Never trust a fart

True, in Sweden and Denmark the police regularly control there’s no untrustworthy farts "on the road"...

x2p3wy.jpg
 

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