Collection of Lame Jokes

[Beckybabeox]

Don't know if this one's been said:

Why is there a fence around a graveyard?




'cause people are just dying to get in

That Is Soooooo Funny :) x

 

[apbuiii]

How about this lame one. . .

Why can't bicycles stand up?






'cause it's two tired

 

[Beckybabeox]

How about this lame one. . .

Why can't bicycles stand up?






'cause it's two tired

Thats funny but hard to get lmfao

 

[jtbell]

A proton and a neutron walk into a bar.

Bartender: OK, what'll you guys have?
Proton: Scotch on the rocks, please.
B: Three bucks, please.
Neutron: I'll have a martini, please.
B: For you, no charge.

 

[Kronos5253]

Here's a lame one for you..

How do you catch a rabbit?









Hide behind a tree and make a noise like a carrot

 

[BobG]

Two sodium atoms are flying around a cyclotron.
Suddenly the first atom said to the second, `Hey, I think I've just lost an electron.'
`Are you sure?' asked the second atom. `Yeah,' said the first, `I'm positive.'





That one's just hilarious! Everyone knows the sodium atoms couldn't have been flying around a cyclotron unless they were ionized in the first place.

 

[jtbell]

How do you tell a chemist from a non-chemist?

Show him the word UNIONIZED and ask him to pronounce it.

 

[tribdog]

How do you tell a chemist from a non-chemist?

Show him the word UNIONIZED and ask him to pronounce it.

just out of curiosity how do you pronounce it? It looks like Un-ionized to me.

 

[lisab]

just out of curiosity how do you pronounce it? It looks like Un-ionized to me.

trib, if you want a gold mine job, you better knock that off...union-ized .

 

[belliott4488]

Pessimist: Things are horrible. Everything is falling apart. Things can't get any worse.

Optimist: Yes they can.

Masochist: beat me, beat me!

Sadist: No.

 

[drizzle]

Two sodium atoms are flying around a cyclotron.
Suddenly the first atom said to the second, `Hey, I think I've just lost an electron.'
`Are you sure?' asked the second atom. `Yeah,' said the first, `I'm positive.'





That one's just hilarious! Everyone knows the sodium atoms couldn't have been flying around a cyclotron unless they were ionized in the first place.

that's a good one

 

[deferro]

Two neutrinos go through a bar...

What did the lepton say to the nucleus?
"I'm going out for a while, I may be some time..."

 

[jobyts]

Q: Who is the most famous married woman in America?

A: Mrs Sippi

 

[turbo]

What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run away! She's holding a live grenade!

 

[BobG]

C:\Dos
C:\Dos\Run
Run\Dos\Run!

 

[BobG]

Q: How do you get an elephant on the subway?





A: Take the 's' out of subway and the 'f' out of way.

 

[drizzle]

two drunks where talking,the first said: say, why do you think trains are important??, the second [was a nerd guy] answered: can't you see you jerk, there're lines beneath!

 

[Kronos5253]

What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?















Run away! She's holding a live grenade!

Q: What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?




A: Pull the pin and throw it back!

 

[moamen811]

how to put two elephants in a pepsi can without touching each other?!





put the first one then an elephant then the second one
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

 

[qntty]

What's brown and sticky?

Spoiler

a stick

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Every time Dick Cheney smiles, an Angel in heaven get water-boarded.
- Jon Stewart

 

[drizzle]

it's really funny when it comes from kid's mouth;


"Dear God, this year please send clothes for all those poor ladies in daddy’s computer, Amen"

 

[lisab]

it's really funny when it comes from kid's mouth;


"Dear God, this year please send clothes for all those poor ladies in daddy’s computer, Amen"

OK, drizzle...that one really made me laugh .

What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a kitchen, in France?

Spoiler

Linoleum Blown Apart.

 

[VeeEight]

I'm too lazy to look through the thread but the Rodney Dangerfield jokes a few pages down are classic! I used the first one a couple of times to (try to) pick up women*

An now for a joke (hope it hasn't been said already)
There are 10 types of people in the world; those that know binary and those that don't
* I failed miserably

 

[Ivan Seeking]

My wife wanted bark chips so I blew up the dog.

 

[Hurkyl]

There are 10 types of people in the world; those that know binary and those that don't

There are 10 types of people in the world: those who know ternary, those who don't, and those who thought this was going to be a binary joke.

 

[humanino]

There are 10 types of people in the world: those who know ternary, those who don't, and those who thought this was going to be a binary joke.

From which we can infer a lower bound of at least $\aleph_{0}$ types of people possible, thus plenty of room for originality.
This is not going to be a boring world.

 

[sas3]

This one was sent to me in an e-mail.

What is the difference between Bird Flu and Swine Flu?
For bird flu you need tweetment and for swine flu you need oinkment

Is that lame enough for you?

 

[BobG]

Yesterday, I had a flat tire on the interstate. So I eased my car over to the shoulder of the road, carefully got out of the car and opened the trunk.

I took out two cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my car facing on-coming traffic. They looked so life like you wouldn't believe it! They're dressed in open trench coats that exposed their nude bodies and private parts to the approaching drivers.

But to my surprise, cars started slowing down to look at my lifelike men. And, of course, traffic began backing up. Everybody tooted their horns and waved like crazy. It wasn't long before a state trooper pulled up behind me.

He got out of his car and walked towards me. I could tell he was not a happy camper!

"What's going on here?"

"My car has a flat tire," I said calmly.

"Well, what the hell are those obscene cardboard men doing here by the road?"

I couldn't believe that he didn't know. So I told him, "Helloooooo, those are my emergency flashers!"

 

[Math Is Hard]

I couldn't believe that he didn't know. So I told him, "Helloooooo, those are my emergency flashers!"

You're such a blond.