Collection of Lame Jokes

[i_wish_i_was_smart]

Whats the difference between a woman and a terrorist?


You can negotiate with the terrorist!

 

[i_wish_i_was_smart]

Did you hear the rumor that Chuck Norris had a heart attack?

Turns out its only a rumor, Chuck Norris' heart is not foolish enough to attack him!

 

[i_wish_i_was_smart]

What do you call a woman with one leg?
Eileen.

What do you call a chinese woman with one leg?
Irene

 

[Lancelot59]

Whats the difference between a woman and a terrorist?


You can negotiate with the terrorist!

Isn't there a policy that says you're not supposed to though?

What do you call a woman with one leg?
Eileen.

What do you call a chinese woman with one leg?
Irene

Nice one.

 

[CyMark]

Horse walks into a bar. Barkeep: So why the long face?

 

[Markface]

When ABS first came out it was braking news.

 

[ThisGuy]

Havent read all jokes (yet) so I don't know if these have been posted. Anyway, here goes:

Two peanuts walk into a bar.
One of them was a salted.

A neutron walks into a bar, and orders a beer. "How much?" He asks the barkeep.
The barkeep replies, "For you sir, no charge."

 

[HeLiXe]

What time are you going to pick your mom up from the airport? Her plane lands at 2, which would be 3 in her other time zone.

 

[jtbell]

Who invented the algorithm? Punchline here.

 

[Borek]

This one wasn't lame.

 

[Lancelot59]

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

I like to shove paint up my *** and fart random patterns onto canvas.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

When your wife asks which of her friends you would like to have in a threesome, don't name two of them.
- Ray Romano

 

[Borek]

I like to shove paint up my *** and fart random patterns onto canvas.

You can google these pictures. Together with pictures showing how they were painted.

That's the lame joke.

 

[dkotschessaa]

Hey, did you guys here about the guy that had his whole left side cut off?

Anyway, he's all right now.

 

[HeLiXe]

I'm writing an essay on atheism and agnosticism and I came across this lol

 

[quantumdude]

Where's the "Like" button?? Oh yeah, this isn't facebook. :-\

 

[dkotschessaa]

 

[sas3]

http://img41.imageshack.us/img41/6341/resistanceh.th.jpg

 

[Lisa!]

http://www.yekpanjare.com/ws.jpg

 

[The legend]

LOL! ^

 

[OmCheeto]

As expected, New York City got 2 feet of snow.

 

[The legend]

This thread isn't living up to it's name.

I don't find these lame at all...

LOL!

 

[HeLiXe]

http://www.yekpanjare.com/ws.jpg

 

[dkotschessaa]

This thread isn't living up to it's name.

I don't find these lame at all...

Yeah, I better fix this.

Did you hear about the two silk worms that had a race?

They both ended up in a tie.

Better?

No?

Did you hear the invisible man and the invisible woman got married? Their kids are nothing to look at either.

-DaveKA (to the rescue)

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

Did you hear the invisible man and the invisible woman got married?

I don't know what she sees in him.

 

[Lancelot59]

Yeah, I better fix this.

Did you hear about the two silk worms that had a race?

They both ended up in a tie.

Better?

No?

Did you hear the invisible man and the invisible woman got married? Their kids are nothing to look at either.

-DaveKA (to the rescue)

I don't know what she sees in him.

That was so lame that it wasn't lame. It's like you hit the maximum amount of lame and rolled over to funny.

 

[dkotschessaa]

I guess we have to set a minimum and maximum lameness threshold in order to keep the thread at it's proper degree of lamicity (a unit of lameness, measured in Gallaghers).

-M

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

I guess we have to set a minimum and maximum lameness threshold in order to keep the thread at it's proper degree of lamicity (a unit of lameness, measured in Gallaghers).

-M

I believe a quantum of lameness is a lemon.

 

[OmCheeto]

I don't know what she sees in him.

I hear they got married after just bumping into each other one day.

 

[Kurdt]

I hear they got married after just bumping into each other one day.

I didn't see that one coming.

 

[Lancelot59]

[PLAIN]http://verydemotivational.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/demotivational-posters-smartphones.jpg[PLAIN]http://verydemotivational.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/129165080668513127.jpg

 

[Ivan Seeking]

The first micro-cell-phone was surgically implanted into the skull of a volunteer patient. Unfortunately, even though the phone worked, the surgery was not considered a success - the patient was plagued with a chronic case of tinnitus.

 

[jtbell]

Did you hear about the guy who taught his pet bird to swear? He was arrested and charged with contributing to the delinquency of a myna.

 

[Gokul43201]

Did you hear about the guy who taught his pet bird to swear? He was arrested and charged with contributing to the delinquency of a myna.

Mega groan.

 

[The legend]

Teacher: What is 2k + k?
Student: 3000!

 

[Ivan Seeking]

It was so cold in Washington that Obama got in bed with the Republicans just for the warmth.

- Jay Leno

 

[HeLiXe]

freaky but funny

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Matt Smith, the current Doctor Who, was on Graham Norton and talking about fan mail. His grandfather, who helps with the fan mail, had opened a letter from a woman in Sussex who, in addition to providing her address, explained in explicit detail all of the sexual things she wants to do to/for Matt Smith.

The grandfather wrote back that Matt can't make it, but he can.

 

[Borg]

The Washington Post runs a feature called the Style Invitational. Each week is a different contest to come up with humorous gags to fit the contest. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/12/23/AR2010122304403.html" was What would happen if one institution on a list we supplied were run by another one on the list, or by an organization of your choice:. Some of my favorites:

If "Dancing With the Stars" ran a preschool, even the most awkward student could survive Musical Chairs, if enough people liked her mom.

If a police department ran a preschool, toddlers would be cuffed at naptime if they resisted a rest.

If a police department were run by Amazon.com, when someone was arrested for breaking and entering, he'd be asked if he'd also like to be arrested for trespassing, robbery and possession of stolen goods.

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

SAT question:

Fill in the blank to complete the following phrase:
Fill in the _______.

 

[cragar]

A guy was asked what do you think is the best invention and he said the computer .
A redneck from Texas was asked and he said i think its the thermos , It keeps hot stuff hot and cold stuff cold, how do it know ?

 

[drizzle]

SAT question:

Fill in the blank to complete the following phrase:
Fill in the _______.

 

[DaveC426913]

SAT question:

Fill in the blank to complete the following phrase:
Fill in the _______.

NormancoordinateNormancoordinate

 

[DevilsAvocado]

Who invented the algorithm?

George Bush?

 

[DevilsAvocado]

Wait, I have more catastrophically lame homemade BS...


George Bush walks into a bar and starts thinking.


George Bush and his buddy walks into a bar, and GWB says to the bartender:
– Look MISTER, either you’re with us or against us, if you don’t give me and my little friend here two beers right now, I’LL START SCREAMING TOO!

An extremely drunk George Bush walks out of a bar and sees a nun standing at a bus stop. He walks up to her and punches her in the face. When she falls to the ground, he starts screaming:
– You're not so tough now, are you, BIN LADEN!?

Lame...?

 

[AlephZero]

George Bush walked into a bar. What didn't he see?

The bar.

 

[DevilsAvocado]

 

[Ivan Seeking]

SAT question:

Fill in the blank to complete the following phrase:
Fill in the _______.

I give up.

 

[DaveC426913]

Too wordy. Top this joke:



George Bush.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

too wordy. Top this joke:



George bush.

gwb...