Collection of Lame Jokes

[jbriggs444]

3 quarters is 75 cents, figure out your Math!

But if $\frac{1}{4}+\frac{1}{4}+\frac{1}{4}=0$ then that makes no cents.

 

[Ibix]

But if $\frac{1}{4}+\frac{1}{4}+\frac{1}{4}=0$ then that makes no cents.

If I had a dollar for every time I'd heard that...

 

[fresh_42]

But if $\frac{1}{4}+\frac{1}{4}+\frac{1}{4}=0$ then that makes no cents.

$\frac{1}{4}+\frac{1}{4}+\frac{1}{4}=\frac{1}{3}$. Someone has to solve this inflation problem.

 

[Ibix]

Can one of you post a wiki link (or similar) to whichever branch of mathematics you're talking about? I'm a little out of my depth here.

 

[jbriggs444]

Can one of you post a wiki link (or similar) to whichever branch of mathematics you're talking about? I'm a little out of my depth here.

I am a bit out of depth also, but I believe that it is the finite field of three elements that is being discussed. So the elements could be referred to as {0, 1, 2}. "4" would be an alias for 1. $\frac{1}{4}=\frac{1}{1}=1$. And 1+1+1 = 0.

Edit: However, this theory does not square with a claim that $\frac{1}{4}+\frac{1}{4}+\frac{1}{4}=\frac{1}{3}$ because that would involve a division by zero. By the same logic, a finite field of four elements is also ruled out. That leaves the possibility of the finite field of five elements. In that field $\frac{1}{4}=4$, $4+4+4=2$ and $\frac{1}{3}=2$. So that one sounds like a winner. Plus no need to make "4" an alias.

Edit²: $\frac{1}{4}=4$ since $4 \times 4 = 16 = 1$. Similarly $\frac{1}{3}=2$ since $3 \times 2 = 6 = 1$

 

[WWGD]

Can one of you post a wiki link (or similar) to whichever branch of mathematics you're talking about? I'm a little out of my depth here.

Presumably, $\frac {1}{4}$ is the multiplicative inverse of $4$ in the field with $3$ elements, i.e., the number $x$ with $4x=1$ (this x exists for all non-zero elements, by definition/construction). But in $\mathbb Z_3 = \{[0],[1],[2]\}$ , the field with $3$ elements, $1=4=7=10=...; 2=5=8=11=... ; 0=3=6=...$ ( These are classes of elements rather than just elements; you collapse each of 1=4=7=... into a single class and your elements are now classes ), so you get $1/4+1/4+ 1/4 =1 +1+1 =3=0$ ( in a field with p elements, any multiple of p is the same as zero) . Hope I explained it well. This is theory of Fields, Rings in Abstract Algebra. Please ask any followup, followed by a bad joke if possible ( i.e., model any of mine ;) ).

 

[WWGD]

But if $\frac{1}{4}+\frac{1}{4}+\frac{1}{4}=0$ then that makes no cents.

I will get paid in a different class representative, say 300,000.

 

[DaveC426913]

A physicist, a biologist and a mathematician are sitting in a street café watching people entering and leaving the house on the other side of the street.

First they see two people entering the house. Time passes. After a while they notice three people leaving the house.

The physicist says, "The measurement wasn't accurate."
The biologist says, "They must have reproduced."
The mathematician says, "If one more person enters the house then it will be empty."

 

[strangerep]

But if $\frac{1}{4}+\frac{1}{4}+\frac{1}{4}=0$ then that makes no cents.

Yeah, we really need another subforum in the Mathematics section: "Nonsensicus Absolutus".

 

[fresh_42]

Yeah, we really need another subforum in the Mathematics section: "Nonsensicus Absolutus".

You mean a nerd corner in the nerd lounge of nerdy general discussions?

 

[strangerep]

You mean a nerd corner in the nerd lounge of nerdy general discussions?

Why a corner in a lounge? I've yet to encounter a pure mathematician who's not like that.

 

[WWGD]

Why a corner in a lounge? I've yet to encounter a pure mathematician who's not like that.

We all fit in in the corner of a circular lounge. I have no idea what it means but it somehow sounds deep.

 

[Keith_McClary]

Parachute use to prevent death and major trauma when jumping from aircraft: randomized controlled trial

Their reference #1: Parachute use to prevent death and major trauma related to gravitational challenge: systematic review of randomised controlled trials (Smith & Pell) is worth a look:

The parachute and the healthy cohort effect

One of the major weaknesses of observational data is the possibility of bias, including selection bias and reporting bias, which can be obviated largely by using randomised controlled trials. The relevance to parachute use is that individuals jumping from aircraft without the help of a parachute are likely to have a high prevalence of pre-existing psychiatric morbidity. Individuals who use parachutes are likely to have less psychiatric morbidity and may also differ in key demographic factors, such as income and cigarette use. It follows, therefore, that the apparent protective effect of parachutes may be merely an example of the “healthy cohort” effect. Observational studies typically use multivariate analytical approaches, using maximum likelihood based modelling methods to try to adjust estimates of relative risk for these biases. Distasteful as these statistical adjustments are for the cognoscenti of evidence based medicine, no such analyses exist for assessing the presumed effects of the parachute.

 

[BillTre]

Word for the Day:
Excaligator:

 

[WWGD]

Word for the Day:
Excaligator:

View attachment 256404

Hmm...What do I make out of someone calling me 'Pialidotous'?

 

[Ibix]

Hmm...What do I make out of someone calling me 'Pialidotous'?

Soup, a cauli, fridge, elastic and eggs?

 

[fresh_42]

Hmm...What do I make out of someone calling me 'Pialidotous'?

If it is a she, call her pistantrophobe, if it is a he, just say "Gesundheit!"

 

[WWGD]

If it is a she, call her pistantrophobe, if it is a he, just say "Gesundheit!"

But I am also a(n) 'pert.

 

[fresh_42]

You mean im-pert-inent?

 

[WWGD]

You mean im-pert-inent?

I'm in the Impert/Expert business...

 

[WWGD]

Almost sensical:
Epis

If it is a she, call her pistantrophobe, if it is a he, just say "Gesundheit!"

No, I am a pistachiophile. Mostachio-Pistachio. And the Walmart..er Walrus, and everything else.

 

[WWGD]

You mean im-pert-inent?

Isn't this a strange word: " Impertinent" : Saying or doing things that don't pertain somehow.

 

[fresh_42]

Isn't this a strange word: " Impertinent" : Saying or doing things that don't pertain somehow.

Here it's the word for intellectual show offs. Common people use a word which translates as not-ashamed.

 

[WWGD]

... which translates as not-ashamed.

Constanza!

 

[Keith_McClary]

Word for the Day:
Excaligator:

Reward offered to anyone who can remove the tire around this poor crocodile's neck

I know crocs aren't gators, but there could be some synergy here.

 

[davenn]

 

[mfb]

Why are some countries blue and some yellow?

 

[Ibix]

Why are some countries blue and some yellow?

I wondered if it was later joiners, but Portugal and Spain joined at the same time - so not that

 

[jack action]

Why are some countries blue and some yellow?

After a search on tineye, I found this:

 

[jtbell]

Word for the Day:
Excaligator:

View attachment 256404

When I saw that picture, my first thought was “Swiss army alligator.”

 

[fresh_42]

“Swiss army alligator.”

Can't be. Swiss army knives are called Sackmesser in Switzerland. And it does not stick in the gators sack.

 

[Ibix]

Did you hear about the guy who took British Airways to court after they put his luggage on the wrong plane? He lost his case.

Side note: we flew once and the airline's ground staff had no computers (scuttlebut was a fire had taken out the data center and the backup data center, which was in the next room). Our luggage ended up in a different city. My wife phoned up a day or so later to enquire about the status of our lost luggage, to be informed that our luggage was not lost. They knew exactly where it was. It just wasn't in the same place as us.

 

[Ibix]

If I had to describe myself in three words, I'd say "not good at counting".

 

[Ibix]

What's brown and runs round your garden?

Your fence.

 

[davenn]

What's brown and runs round your garden?

Your fence.

So you don't have the traditional " white picket fence" ?

 

[davenn]

 

[Ibix]

So you don't have the traditional " white picket fence" ?

I knew somebody was going to say that. But my fence is unpainted, so it's actually brown.

 

[jack action]

What does diarrhea have in common with an electric car?

Spoiler: Answer

The fear of not arriving home!

 

[Keith_McClary]

Infertility is hereditary.

If your parents did not have children, you will not get any either.

Descendants of extinct tortoise species found in Galapagos

 

[mfb]

What does diarrhea have in common with an electric car?

Spoiler: Answer

The fear of not arriving home!

What does diarrhea have in common with petrol cars?

Spoiler

Running with liquids

 

[mfb]

What is common between electric cars and liquid nitrogen - but only in the US?

Spoiler

No gas

 

[Ibix]

What is common between electric cars and liquid nitrogen - but only in the US?

Spoiler

No gas

What is common between electric cars and drag racers (again, only in the US)?

Spoiler

NO gas

Spoiler

Spoilers are more common on drag racers, though.

 

[jack action]

Normally, I don't take these seriously, but this one is real! I had to write 'antivirus for c' on www.google.com, but it did show up in the suggestions!

 

[fresh_42]

Do you count calories, too?

No, I trust that they're all there.

 

[Ibix]

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?

Aye, matey.

 

[WWGD]

Why are some countries blue and some yellow?

Some countries feel blue over Brexit.

 

[WWGD]

Not quite a lame joke but a strange , grammatically-correct but my brain rebels against accepting it; seems like a grammatical version of optical illusions where picture seems to show different things depending on the angle and the way you approach them:

Greeks were fighting machines. I am not fighting machines.

 

[Ibix]

Greeks were fighting machines. I am not fighting machines.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

 

[fresh_42]

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Venezuela flies likely old equipment.

 

[256bits]

Ice cream and Banana aren't friends anymore.
Banana split.