Collection of Lame Jokes

[ISamson]

"Mummy, can I have some π?"

 

[Stavros Kiri]

A crowded bus starts accelerating on a downhill road. Soon the passengers realize that a funny old little guy is running behind the bus, jogging, ambitiously trying to catch up with its fast increasing speed!
Everyone is laughing, having a good time ...
One of the passengers in the back rolls down a side window and sais to the old man:
"Hey little old man, why are you running chasing our bus?! We statred peeing from laughing up here! ..."
(Old man:) "Oh you haven't seen anything yet! ... Soon you'll do a lot worse ... because I'm the driver! ..."

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

 

[jtbell]

View attachment 211540

That reminds me of something I learned yesterday: what do you call a grilled cheese sandwich in (French -speaking) Quebec?

Grilled cheese.

"Sandwich au fromage fondant" never took off.

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-41323915

 

[fresh_42]

That reminds me of something I learned yesterday: what do you call a grilled cheese sandwich in (French -speaking) Quebec?

Grilled cheese.

"Sandwich au fromage fondant" never took off.

That's because the crap on a grilled cheese sandwich doesn't deserve the name fromage. And additionally fromage fondant is a totally different thing, ask the Swiss! But a Fendant matches perfectly to it

https://fr.wikipedia.org/wiki/Raclette

 

[davenn]

"Sandwich au fromage fondant" never took off.

not surprised ... it's quite a mouthful

 

[DrGreg]

The Isley Brothers sang a song about all the different types of cheeses: "Some are bries".

 

[Stavros Kiri]

"Mummy, can I have some π?"

"Sure χν !"

 

[ISamson]

Sure χ ν !

What is χ ν? What does it mean?

 

[jack action]

That reminds me of something I learned yesterday: what do you call a grilled cheese sandwich in (French -speaking) Quebec?

Grilled cheese.

"Sandwich au fromage fondant" never took off.

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-41323915

Talk about globalization:

I have to read an American post, referring to a UK website, to learn that I'm now allowed to say 'grilled cheese', which I didn't even know there was a french version for it! There I was, willy-nilly, talking like I was taught. Silly me!

 

[DrGreg]

That reminds me of something I learned yesterday: what do you call a grilled cheese sandwich in (French -speaking) Quebec?

Grilled cheese.

"Sandwich au fromage fondant" never took off.

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-41323915

The French for "encore" is "bis".

(Or "une autre" or "un rappel".)

 

[Stavros Kiri]

"Mummy, can I have some π?"

"Sure χν !"

What is χ ν? What does it mean?

I edited it putting the two greek letters in one word. Need more clues? [Greek letters (like π, χ, ν) are pronounced in different ways around the world. It's not exact but it speaks out a reasonable mommy's response ...]
By the way, did you mean "mommy" or actually "mummy" ?

 

[ISamson]

I edited it putting the two greek letters in one word. Need more clues? [Greek letters (like π, χ, ν) are pronounced in different ways around the world. It's not exact but it speaks out a reasonable mommy's response ...]
By the way, did you mean "mommy" or actually "mummy" ?

I meant mommy, I think i just wrote it in a local way.

 

[fresh_42]

The cheese paradox:

The more cheese, the more holes.
The more holes, the less cheese.

 

[Stavros Kiri]

The cheese paradox:

The more cheese, the more holes.
The more holes, the less cheese.

You posted this before.
Here is a possible reply:

"The more cheese, the more holes.": True, assuming kind of proportional distribution of cheese and holes.

"The more holes, the less cheese.": With more holes, less cheese, only compared to what it would be without the holes ...

Otherwise (3rd): "The more holes, the more cheese" ... because of the "proportional distribution of cheese and holes" ...

 

[jtbell]

By the way, did you mean "mommy" or actually "mummy" ?

I meant mommy, I think i just wrote it in a local way.

This is the cue for lame jokes about King Tut's mummy...

 

[fresh_42]

You posted this before.

Oops! Hard to keep track on meanwhile 204 pages

 

[Mark44]

The Isley Brothers sang a song about all the different types of cheeses: "Some are bries".

Covered by the Isley Brothers, but written by and performed first by Seals and Croft.

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

 

[jtbell]

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
(usually attributed to Groucho Marx, but apparently there is some doubt about this)

 

[ISamson]

What does the chicken say when it crosses the road?

Kokokokoko!

 

[davenn]

indeed !

 

[BillTre]

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
(usually attributed to Groucho Marx, but apparently there is some doubt about this)

I like this Groucho quote:

"Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana."
(I used to work on Drosophila.)

 

[davenn]

What could possibly go wrong?

 

[Shreya Pandey]

Why was the stadium so cold?
Because there were a lot of fans.

One more:
Where do animals go when their tails fall off?
The retail store.

 

[256bits]

What does the chicken say when it crosses the road?

Kokokokoko!

What did the chicken say when it got to other side in the shade under the palm tree?
KokokokokoNut

 

[Ibix]

What could possibly go wrong?

View attachment 211881

I think you mean "what could possibly go right"! (Grabs Spiderman costume, looks for EXIF geolocation tags in uploaded image.)

See also: http://dilbert.com/strip/1991-04-09

 

[Ibix]

Where do animals go when their tails fall off?
The retail store.

It's right next to the second hand shop.