Collection of Lame Jokes

[Ibix]

Translating Asterix jokes and puns: The genius of Anthea Bell (and Derek Hockridge)

My favourite is the English naming of the druid, Getafix. It follows the -ix convention of the Gaulish men. It's a reference to his intelligence - they often go to him to get a fix for whatever the problem is. And it's a sly reference to "fix" being slang for a dose of recreational drugs - and a druid might well have a fix.

 

[WWGD]

My favourite is the English naming of the druid, Getafix. It follows the -ix convention of the Gaulish men. It's a reference to his intelligence - they often go to him to get a fix for whatever the problem is. And it's a sly reference to "fix" being slang for a dose of recreational drugs - and a druid might well have a fix.

Getafix. Oh, the Gaul...

 

[fresh_42]

My favourite is the English naming of the druid, Getafix. It follows the -ix convention of the Gaulish men. It's a reference to his intelligence - they often go to him to get a fix for whatever the problem is. And it's a sly reference to "fix" being slang for a dose of recreational drugs - and a druid might well have a fix.

His German name is Miraculix. Fits. The puns are easier to translate than playing with words is, because they are situation comedy, and the situation doesn't depend on language. We have even complete versions in local dialects. But you cannot translate a pun which relies on a double meaning of a word.

 

[wrobel]

I noticed that jokes are completely untranslateable. When I was a pupil a guy from Bulgaria came to our class. He begun to speak Russian very quickly. Russian and Bulgarian are close enough. But at beginning he did not know Russian jokes and as we were gathering at parties he tried to translate Bulgarian jokes. It was not funny.
There is an international humor and a humor based on language and culture. I think that most deepest understanding of language and culture is an ability to joke and to understand jokes.
Sorry for offtop

 

[BillTre]

How would the Brits say Z Z Top (the band).
In the US, it is said "zee zee top".
In the UK would it be "zed zed top" or would it retain the US pronunciation?

 

[WWGD]

How would the Brits say Z Z Top (the band).
In the US, it is said "zee zee top".
In the UK would it be "zed zed top" or would it retain the US pronunciation?

And Omega-Omega top in Greece . Maybe in Greece, Omega is the word...

 

[DrGreg]

How would the Brits say Z Z Top (the band).
In the US, it is said "zee zee top".
In the UK would it be "zed zed top" or would it retain the US pronunciation?

Someone who had never heard of the group might say "Zed Zed Top". Or someone making an intentional joke. But everyone else would say "Zee Zee Top".

And Omega-Omega top in Greece .

No. "Zeta Zeta Top".

 

[DrClaude]

My favourite is the English naming of the druid, Getafix. It follows the -ix convention of the Gaulish men. It's a reference to his intelligence - they often go to him to get a fix for whatever the problem is. And it's a sly reference to "fix" being slang for a dose of recreational drugs - and a druid might well have a fix.

His German name is Miraculix. Fits.

In French, the names are mostly not related to the characters, so it does annoy me a bit that translations made the names fit.

 

[Vanadium 50]

There is an international humor and a humor based on language and culture.

In America, you can always find a party.
In Soviet Russia, Party can always find you!

 

[phinds]

In America, you can always find a party.
In Soviet Russia, Party can always find you!

Reminds me of a Yakov Smirnov joke from decades ago:

In American we have American Express. Don't leave home without it.
In Russia, we had Russian Express. Don't leave home.

 

[Vanadium 50]

As Garry Kasparov once said,
"Every country has its own mafia."
"In Soviet Russia, mafia has its own country!"

And, to be fair:
"In Soviet Russia, people sometimes rob banks."
"In America, bank robs you!"

 

[fresh_42]

And, to be fair:
"In Soviet Russia, people sometimes rob banks."
"In America, bank robs you!"

Bank robbery is an undertaking for amateurs. Real professionals start a bank.

Reminds me on the "Radio Yerevan Jokes" we told us.
https://www.physicsforums.com/threads/collection-of-lame-jokes.25301/page-214#post-6130092

Another one:
Question to Radio Yerevan: "Is it right that Juri Gagarin was given a mercedes for his heroic spaceflight?"
Answer from Radio Yerevan: "Basically yes! Only that it wasn't Juri Gagarin but Oleg Garanov. And it wasn't a mercedes. It was a bicycle. And it wasn't given to him, it was stolen from him."

 

[phinds]

I noticed that jokes are completely untranslateable.

Certainly there might be culturally or linguistic jokes that don't translate but in general I disagree with you completely. Perhaps you mean PUNS don't translate. That's certainly true.

 

[wrobel]

Certainly there might be culturally or linguistic jokes that don't translate but in general I disagree with you completely. Perhaps you mean PUNS don't translate. That's certainly true.

yes, I accept this clarification

Another one:
Question to Radio Yerevan:

What is better: to have a beautiful wife or an ugly one? The answer: it is better to sniff flowers together than to sniff sh*t alone.

In American we have American Express. Don't leave home without it.
In Russia, we had Russian Express. Don't leave home.

have not got it

 

[phinds]

yes, I accept this clarification

What is better: to have a beautiful wife or an ugly one? The answer: it is better to sniff flowers together than to sniff sh*t alone.have not got it

It's a joke on freedom in America vs repression in Russia. "Don't leave home without it" was a tag line in American Express commercials back then". "Don't leave home is a play on that".

 

[fresh_42]

have not got it

It's a joke on freedom in America vs repression in Russia

Maybe the assumptions are a bit wrong.

 

[mjc123]

As Garry Kasparov once said,
"Every country has its own mafia."
"In Soviet Russia, mafia has its own country!"

And, to be fair:
"In Soviet Russia, people sometimes rob banks."
"In America, bank robs you!"

Reminds me of the old joke about the East and West Germans.
East German: The difference between our systems is that you care about money, whereas we care about people.
West German: Yes, that's why we lock up our money, and you lock up your people.

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[jack action]

Are you serious? So after leaving the drive thru today in Jax Beach, FL my wife took her sandwich out of the bag and we see THIS! Seriously? Oh not today, not today! I went back to the restaurant, went INSIDE (already fuming), asked to speak to the manager and then threw the sandwich on the counter. I asked him for an explanation. He looked confused, so I pointed at the writing on the sandwich and demanded that he tells me why someone felt the need to write it on my Wife’s sandwich. He answered, "because you ordered a BLT with cheese??” To which I replied “Oh”

source: www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10101809013062202&set=a.549843444252&type=3&theater

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

u

 

[Ibix]

It was the Terileptils anyway.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

Now I understand it!

 

[mfb]

When your boss asks for proof you're in hospital

In the time of remote video meetings this is no longer an excuse!

 

[WWGD]

In the time of remote video meetings this is no longer an excuse!

Edit: Hell is telling jokes to a German audience. ;). Edit: Sorry, don't mean to offend. We are all nerds i here in PF the end.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[jack action]

"All parts should go together without forcing. You must remember that the parts you are reassembling were disassembled by you. Therefore, if you can't get them together again, there must be a reason. By all means, do not use a hammer."

-- IBM maintenance manual, 1925

 

[etotheipi]

 

[fresh_42]

"All parts should go together without forcing. You must remember that the parts you are reassembling were disassembled by you. Therefore, if you can't get them together again, there must be a reason. By all means, do not use a hammer."

-- IBM maintenance manual, 1925

In the early nineties there was a report in the newspaper that someone in the US shot his monitor out of frustration about the then frequently occurring bluescreen.

I wonder whether this had been mentioned in the manual.

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 264968

Nope. Fake news. Can you find the error?

 

[etotheipi]

In the early nineties there was a report in the newspaper that someone in the US shot his monitor out of frustration about the then frequently occurring bluescreen.

Did it fix it though?

Nope. Fake news. Can you find the error?

Man on the left looks way too nonchalant. 3 hours later he will be crying over the instruction manual trying to figure out where the 163rd screw for his Swedish Poäng chair is.

On another note, the numbers look a little off. Are those 5 chair legs?

 

[fresh_42]

Man on the left looks way too nonchalant. 3 hours later he will be crying over the instruction manual trying to figure out where the 163rd screw for his Swedish Poäng chair is.

On another note, the numbers look a little off. Are those 5 chair legs?

No. The error is the screwdriver. It had to be a hex key.

 

[etotheipi]

No. The error is the screwdriver. It had to be a hex key.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 264993

There's a couple near here who have mobility scooters bearing the signs "Beauty" and "Beast".

View attachment 264994

You used to be able to get adult and child sized shirts bearing the Crown "pint" and "half-pint" stamps. This one is better...

 

[Ibix]

You used to be able to get adult and child sized shirts bearing the Crown "pint" and "half-pint" stamps. This one is better...

Afterthought: Although the kid's presumably not a clone.

 

[Ibix]

Did it fix it though?

The variant on the shooting-the-computer story I heard was about someone bringing in an early iMac with a gunshot wound and wanting it fixed. It so happened that the hard drive was along the bottom of the case in that model, and it had escaped unscathed. So they simply swapped the hard drive into a new machine and sold the new machine, billing it as a repair...

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[strangerep]

[synonym rolls...]

Oh, b*gger! I really liked those as a child but I'd completely forgotten about them. Hmmm, where can I get some...

 

[jtbell]

Here's one from my father, a long time ago:

A first-grade teacher asked her pupils to draw a picture about a song they knew. One boy drew a person lying in bed with little animals crawling all over him. Puzzled, the teacher asked, "what song is that?"

The boy replied, "Mice on John."

The teacher was still puzzled, so the boy sang:

Diddle diddle dumpling, mice on John,
Went to bed with his trousers on;
One shoe off and one shoe on,
Diddle diddle dumpling, mice on John.

(Wikipedia)

 

[Ibix]

Oh, b*gger! I really liked those as a child but I'd completely forgotten about them.

Metaphorgotten about them, surely.

 

[Ibix]

Here's one from my father, a long time ago:

A first-grade teacher asked her pupils to draw a picture about a song they knew. One boy drew a person lying in bed with little animals crawling all over him. Puzzled, the teacher asked, "what song is that?"

The boy replied, "Mice on John."

The teacher was still puzzled, so the boy sang:

Diddle diddle dumpling, mice on John,
Went to bed with his trousers on;
One shoe off and one shoe on,
Diddle diddle dumpling, mice on John.

(Wikipedia)

Reminds me of the kid who thought Jesus had a funny looking teddy bear called Gladly, because of the hymn "Gladly, thy cross-eyed bear".

 

[etotheipi]

 

[Ibix]

I think they're just there for something to plant a cocktail umbrella into.