Collection of Lame Jokes

[davenn]

been through that region a few times storm chasing ... it is pretty flat !

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 225840

been through that region a few times storm chasing ... it is pretty flat !

We say here: You can see on Thursday who will come for an afternoon tea on Sunday.

 

[OCR]

been through that region a few times

Gee, there's even big fans to keep the cows cool... nice ! .

 

[jtbell]

What do poker and plumbing have in common?

A straight flush beats a full house every time.

 

[Ibix]

Motivation for keeping your sewer pipes unclogged:

A straight flush beats a full house every time.

I'm not sure "like" is quite right for this one...

 

[davenn]

The Earth is neither round nor flat ...

 

[OCR]

The Earth is neither round nor flat ...

Lol, that picture could have been the cover for an ABBA song....

I think it's about a banana. Everybody has the right to my opinion.

Lame enough ?? ... lol
(But, I do love that song, though... . )

.

 

[mfb]

Q: Why is the Earth curved?

A: Otherwise it wouldn't be a banana.

 

[OCR]

Lol, that picture could have been the cover for an ABBA song....

I think it's about a banana. Everybody has the right to my opinion.

Lol, OK, just in case somebody " didn't get it " ... .

.

 

[Borg]

The Earth is neither round nor flat ...

View attachment 226057

I can see Russia from my house.

 

[davenn]

I can see Russia from my house.

does that mean you use less fuel traveling to Russia than coming home from there because it is down hill on the way there ??

 

[Jehannum]

Q: What do you call a diamond-encrusted road?

Spoiler

A: A jewel carriageway!

 

[Ibix]

Q: What do you call a diamond-encrusted road?

Spoiler

A: A jewel carriageway!

What do you call a road covered in overlapping tiles?

Spoiler

A shingle carriageway

 

[Bandersnatch]

Ugh. Don't let yourself get carriageway with those lame puns, guys.

 

[rokytnji]

Due to recent Mountain Lion attacks in Washington State.

The park service is advising hikers, bikers, fisherman, and hunters to wear bells and carry pepper spray.

The logic is you will not startle a mother bear or mountain lion. If attacked . You can use the pepper spray to defend your self

The park service would advise you learn the difference between mountain lion and bear droppings.

Mountain lion droppings contain bells.
Bear droppings contain bells and smell like pepper.

 

[fresh_42]

fb/Musical Gifts

 

[DrClaude]

fb/Musical Gifts

The original drawing (i.e., without the border) is by Quino.

 

[jtbell]

Public announcement issued by the police while searching for the gunman who hijacked a lettuce truck:

"Please romaine calm."

 

[fresh_42]

Public announcement issued by the police while searching for the gunman who hijacked a lettuce truck:

"Please romaine calm."

... The suspect's name is Waldorf and he can be identified by his cauliflower ears. But caution, he might be armed with cans of spinach and is considered extraordinary strong.

 

[jtbell]

"Please romaine calm."

I forgot the second part of the announcement:

"...and carrot on."

 

[jtbell]

"...and carrot on."

I can't believe it took me this long to make the connection...

 

[jtbell]

What do you call soup made from yesterday’s leftovers?

Déjà stew.

 

[DrGreg]

What do you call soup made from yesterday’s leftovers?

Déjà stew.

The following sounds like a joke, but it's true.

In the UK there is a TV station called "Dave". And its time-shiffted channel that shows Dave delayed by one hour is called: "Dave ja vu".

 

[Mark44]

Did you hear about the farmer who got behind in his tractor payments?
His bank sent him a John Deere letter...

 

[jim mcnamara]

Found a species of snake - the adults are all 3.14159m long. It's a $\pi$-thon

 

[davenn]

technology at its finest hahaha

 

[Mark44]

A Mexican magician says, "I'm going to disappear on the count of three". "One, two", and he disappeared without a tres.

 

[jtbell]

From the Autocorrect Spelling Bee:

"Schadenfreude. S-C-A-R-F. Schadenfreude."

 

[fresh_42]

From the Autocorrect Spelling Bee:

"Schadenfreude. S-C-A-R-F. Schadenfreude."

Do you write Schadenfreude with a "c"?

 

[davenn]

seems about right