Collection of Lame Jokes

[jtbell]

bet mom wasn't impressed ( am assuming it was during your high school years?)

No and yes.

 

[Ibix]

What do you call it when Huey, Dewey, Louie and Donald are kidnapped by extraterrestrials?

An alien abducktion.

And when they take Marvin the Martian too? An alien abduction...

 

[jtbell]

And if Huey et al. took Marvin... it would be an alien abducktion again!

 

[davenn]

another bad grammar example

Don't think I would want to eat at that place

 

[fresh_42]

The teacher said, he doesn't want to see always the same fingers in the air, so I raised my middle finger. Also wrong.

 

[Ibix]

Don't think I would want to eat at that place

Doesn't sound very friendly, does it? I bet their customers are pretty rare.

 

[Ibix]

The teacher said, he doesn't want to see always the same fingers in the air, so I raised my middle finger. Also wrong.

My sister lives near a "request" train stop. According to the notice on the platform you must "make an appropriate gesture to the driver" to get the train to stop. I have a suspicion that a lot of people made the same "mistake" fresh is joking about...

 

[fresh_42]

My sister lives near a "request" train stop. According to the notice on the platform you must "make an appropriate gesture to the driver" to get the train to stop. I have a suspicion that a lot of people made the same "mistake" fresh is joking about...

Very likely by those, who tried to get off the train, while it didn't stop!

 

[jtbell]

What do you call it when a doctor with dubious credentials slams his car into a truck carrying a load of ducks?

A total quackup.

 

[fresh_42]

"It's really nice here. I'll take the apartment!"

"We're in a wine cellar!"

"I'll take the apartment!"

 

[Bandersnatch]

What's the difference between Batman and (Jesus)?

Spoiler

Batman has no parens.

 

[Mark44]

A ham sandwich walks into a bar.
The bartender sees him, and says, "Sorry, we don't serve food in here!"

 

[jtbell]

Have you heard about the new James Bond movie? An old nemesis returns, this time terrorizing the world with flocks of tiny angry birds with poison-tipped beaks.

It's called "Goldfinches".

 

[jtbell]

Don't think I would want to eat at that place

At least don't take your grandmother there. Someone might drop a comma and say "Let's eat Granny!"

 

[Ibix]

What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?

Doyouthinkitsaurus.

 

[Ibix]

What's red and doesn't fit down a rabbit hole?

A fire engine.

 

[Mark44]

Why can't you write with a broken pencil??

Spoiler

Because it's pointless.

 

[Mark44]

What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?

A dinosaur. It already has one eye (one 'i').
What would you call a dinosaur with two eyes?
A diinosaur.

Doyouthinkitsaurus.

This one is a bit too obscure for me.

 

[Bandersnatch]

This one is a bit too obscure for me.

A variation on the one-eyed snake, perhaps?

 

[fresh_42]

This one is a bit too obscure for me.

Maybe him?

 

[Mark44]

Maybe him?

Looks like I'm not the only one who didn't get the joke.

 

[256bits]

Do you think it Bucksaw us?
( I can't give it all away )

 

[Mark44]

Do you think it Bucksaw us?
( I can't give it all away )

OK, got it now...

 

[jtbell]

What is Bigfoot's favorite vegetable?

Sasquash.

 

[Ibix]

What's round and dangerous?

A vicious circle.

 

[Mark44]

Supposedly the lamest joke of all time...

What's brown and sticky?

Spoiler

A stick

Apoligies if this one has already been posted.

 

[collinsmark]

(This isn't a "lame" comic, so to speak, but it isn't a "science" based comic either, so I put it in this thread.)

I figure there are several coffee drinkers on this forum.

[Source: https://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/coffee]

 

[Ibix]

Supposedly the lamest joke of all time...

What's brown and sticky?

Spoiler

A stick

Apoligies if this one has already been posted.

It occurs to me that

Spoiler

A wooden leg

would be lamer. Or evidence of further lameness, at least.

 

[OCR]

Lol...

It occurs to me that

Spoiler

A wooden leg

would be lamer. Or evidence of further lameness, at least.

Don't leave your day job yet... but, that is pretty good. .

 

[davenn]