Collection of Lame Jokes

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[jack action]

View attachment 264122

I found another one related to this one:

 

[phinds]

I just saw a friend of mine post this and got a few good laughs out of it. Thought you’d enjoy it.

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

Joe Biden: Why did the chicken do the...thing in the...you know the rest.

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

AOC: Chickens should not be forced to lay eggs! This is because of corporate greed! Eggs should be able to lay themselves.

HILLARY CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white?

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross the road so badly. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

KING DAVID: O Lord, why dost the chicken cross the road? And why art the chicken hawks beset around it? Surely in vain the road is crossed in the sight of any predator.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish it's lifelong dream of crossing the road.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2014, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2014. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[strangerep]

Thought you’d enjoy it.

Thanks you -- I did. My favorite selections were:

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.

It's suspicious that Bill failed to deny having sexual relations with "that chicken".

OPRAH: I'm going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road [...]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[BillTre]

Love the name of this company:

 

[jack action]

Love the name of this company:
View attachment 264240

Then you'll love the stool bus. (Note the text all around: become a regular, step stool, stool master, independent stool district No. 2, sTool box, follow the movement and the license plate number 2)

 

[phinds]

My brother just sent me these:

Coronavirus One-Liners (Groaners)

* Finland has just closed their borders, so nobody will be crossing the Finnish line.

* Due to the quarantine, I'll only be telling inside jokes.

* There will be a minor baby boom in 9 months. Then around the year 2033, we shall witness the rise of the "quaranteens."

* World Health Organization has determined that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs previously being held in quarantine will be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.

* I'd tell you a Coronavirus joke, but I'd have to wait two weeks to see if you got it.

* I ran out of toilet paper, so I had to start using old newspapers. Times are rough.

* What do you call panic buying of sausage and cheese in Germany? A Wurst Kase scenario.

* In my day, you would cough to cover up a fart. Now you fart to cover up a cough.

* The grocery stores in France look like a tornado hit them. All that's left is de brie.

* So many Coronavirus jokes out there, it's a pundemic.

 

[jtbell]

Did you hear about the guy who started a mud-bath spa in the Emerald City?

He calls himself the Wizard of Ooze.

 

[mfb]

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

This answers the old question what came first, the chicken or Al Gore.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.

Here people asked who came first.

 

[jack action]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[phinds]

I don't get it. What's the reference?

 

[WWGD]

I don't get it. What's the reference?

I think they are internet memes. A Karen is an entitled housewife, similar for the others.

 

[phinds]

I still don't get it. Probably just me.

 

[fresh_42]

I still don't get it. Probably just me.

Nope.

 

[Klystron]

I still don't get it. Probably just me.

I guess more of a 'meme' than an actual joke. I have seen the term 'Karen' in online comments used mostly by women. I think 'Karen' represents a blonde or bleached, unintelligent but superior, privileged finger pointing unpleasant person. 'Karens' point to problems but do not offer solutions preferring appeals to authority in place of constructive dialogue.

I have not heard of the others but assume "Susan" and "Brenda" were added to construct a joke about modern society.

In a bit of a reversal I know several nurses and other medical professionals enjoyed watching "General Hospital" and "Doctor Kildare" and now "Grey's Anatomy" while criticizing obvious errors and overly glamorous characters.

 

[WWGD]

I guess more of a 'meme' than an actual joke. I have seen the term 'Karen' in online comments used mostly by women. I think 'Karen' represents a blonde or bleached, unintelligent but superior, privileged finger pointing unpleasant person. 'Karens' point to problems but do not offer solutions preferring appeals to authority in place of constructive dialogue.

I have not heard of the others but assume "Susan" and "Brenda" were added to construct a joke about modern society.

In a bit of a reversal I know several nurses and other medical professionals enjoyed watching "General Hospital" and "Doctor Kildare" and now "Grey's Anatomy" while criticizing obvious errors and overly glamorous characters.

I officially name you PF pop culture consultant.

 

[WWGD]

 

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[WWGD]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 264317

This is an example of a non transitive relation!

 

[etotheipi]

View attachment 264297

Reminds me of this,

Now that's a message we can all get behind...

 

[WWGD]

This is an example of a non transitive relation!

[\QUOTE]
Please put this in a placard and go march so I can take a pic of you and post it here ; )

 

[fresh_42]

I'm not tired of life. I mean "non" and "trans" in the same sentence ...

 

[WWGD]

I'm not tired of life. I mean "non" and "trans" in the same sentence ...

Another one for a placard for a place in this forum!

 

[Vanadium 50]

Triggered by this: https://www.physicsforums.com/threads/is-man-made-leather-generally-safe-or-dangerous.990114/

"This is made of leather"
"Leather?"
"You know, hide."
"Hide?"
"Yes, hide. Hide, a cow's outside"
"I'm not afraid of a cow"

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[WWGD]

 

[Klystron]

Reminds me of this,

View attachment 264322

Now that's a message we can all get behind...

I wonder if the sign painter meant to quote "The Prisoner" television series.

Number 6: "I am not a number. I am a free man!"
Number 2: "Ha Ha ha!"

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

 

[DrGreg]

Well, ice contains dihydrogen monoxide!

Spoiler: Further reading

Dihydrogen monoxide parody

 

[davenn]

Well, ice contains dihydrogen monoxide!

such nasty stuff haha

 

[Vanadium 50]

Warn all your friends!

Shouldn't that be "Warm all your friends?"

 

[mfb]

Burn more coal?

 

[fresh_42]

Burn more coal?

Peat. This is necessary for a good Scotch. Ice is forbidden on its own.

 

[WWGD]

"Your majesty, the peasants are revolting, what should I do?"
"True. Tell them to take a shower every once in a while".

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]