Collection of Lame Jokes

[davenn]

 

[Stavros Kiri]

View attachment 224364

Try McD's

 

[256bits]

View attachment 224364

That reminded me of this news item.
It's no joke, or maybe a joke.
In any case it is lame.
http://www.foxnews.com/world/2018/0...animal-rescue-group-is-eaten-weeks-later.html

 

[Mark44]

Are these real actual (*) numbers?

It's actually quite complex

 

[fresh_42]

 

[jtbell]

Have you heard about the forthcoming reboot for streaming video that adapts the classic "Lone Ranger" series to modern technology? It'll be called "Drone Ranger." Instead of Rossini's "William Tell" Overture, the theme music will be Rimsky-Korsakov's "Flight of the Bumblebee."

 

[Ibix]

It'll be called "Drone Ranger." Instead of Rossini's "William Tell" Overture, the theme music will be Rimsky-Korsakov's "Flight of the Bumblebee."

I'd have thought something on the bagpipes was more appropriate.

 

[jtbell]

I think "Flight of the Bumblebee" has been arranged for just about everything!

 

[fresh_42]

I think "Flight of the Bumblebee" has been arranged for just about everything!

Only above $20\,\text{Hz}$!

 

[jtbell]

Of course, in this new version, Tonto becomes a robot. "What do you mean we, meatbag?"

 

[Ibix]

What do you call a man with a car on his head?

Jack.

 

[256bits]

What do you call a man with a car on his head?

Jack.

Those jones.
What do you call a man on a skyscraper?
Hi.

 

[stevendaryl]

A woman was at a graveside, mourning her recently deceased husband, when a man came up and cleared his throat. "May I say a word?" he asked. She nodded. "Plethora" he said. She nodded and replied: "Thanks. That means a lot."

 

[fresh_42]

What do you call a tall man who lives in clock tower?
Big Ben.

 

[DrGreg]

What do you call a gorilla wearing ear plugs?
Anything you like; he can't hear you.

 

[fresh_42]

What do you call a gorilla wearing ear plugs?
Anything you like; he can't hear you.

What do you call a Bonobo who spits on you?
Natalie. Her name was Natalie.

Spoiler

I've overdone the plaudits for her baby so that she finally thought I want to have it.

 

[fresh_42]

I was so proud of my solution.
Too bad it didn't stick to the problem.

 

[DrGreg]

I was so proud of my solution.
Too bad it didn't stick to the problem.

Is it true that, in school chemistry lessons, if you can't achieve a solution you will get a suspension?

 

[mfb]

In addition, you can get kicked out for creating a solution.

 

[jtbell]

I once kicked myself out of high school chemistry lab for making a solution of (part of) my pants in nitric acid while I was still wearing them (not for long ). A teacher had to drive me home so I could get a fresh pair of pants.

 

[davenn]

A teacher had to drive me home so I could get a fresh pair of pants.

bet mom wasn't impressed ( am assuming it was during your high school years?)

 

[davenn]

punctuation is important

 

[davenn]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 224996

Also, really big hands.

 

[256bits]

Is it true that, in school chemistry lessons, if you can't achieve a solution you will get a suspension?

In the lab, the actions of some students do seem to precipitate a suspension.

 

[DrClaude]

Is it true that, in school chemistry lessons, if you can't achieve a solution you will get a suspension?

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

 

[fresh_42]

This can go directly onto a t-shirt:

... unfortunately I've found
https://www.redbubble.com/people/mu...oure-part-of-the-precipitate?p=drawstring-bag
...

 

[DrClaude]

... unfortunately I've found

I never claimed I was original

 

[fresh_42]

I never claimed I was original

Yeah, I was just disappointed to lose the opportunity I'm always on the hunt to see some money for PF.

 

[jtbell]

What do you call it when Huey, Dewey, Louie and Donald are kidnapped by extraterrestrials?

An alien abducktion.