Collection of Lame Jokes

[DrGreg]

Diddle diddle dumpling, mice on John,
Went to bed with his trousers on;
One shoe off and one shoe on,
Diddle diddle dumpling, mice on John.

British comedian Peter Kay reveals Sister Sledge singing "Just let me staple the vicar". And lots more misheard lyrics.

 

[Ibix]

British comedian Peter Kay reveals Sister Sledge singing "Just let me staple the vicar". And lots more misheard lyrics.

According to TV Tropes the phenomenon is called Mondegreen, from a ballad where they killed the Earl O'Murray and Lady Mondegreen (or "...and laid him on the green", which are the actual words). Its https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Analysis/Mondegreen is interesting - although since it doesn't come close to PF standards of references, a pinch of salt is probably advisable.

 

[jack action]

British comedian Peter Kay reveals Sister Sledge singing "Just let me staple the vicar". And lots more misheard lyrics.

Decades ago, there was a french radio morning show in Montreal where they did a segment call "auditory hallucinations". People were sending popular english song where you could hear french sentences. Since then, I still can't hear anything else but "Nous faisons des oeufs" ("We are making eggs" in french) as the first sentence in The Unforgiven from Metallica.

​

 

[fresh_42]

New blood joins the earth versus nous faisons des oeufs? How do blood and faisons match?

 

[DrClaude]

New blood joins the earth versus nous faisons des oeufs? How do blood and faisons match?

It is "blood joins" that becomes "faisons." Personally, I think that the "bl" is too pronounced to be confused with a "f" sound, but I can understand the auditory hallucination.

I remember the show @jack action mentioned, but unfortunately don't remember many of the hallucinations. However, there are a couple in Message in a Bottle by The Police that I still can here to this day:

"More loneliness than any man could bear" becomes "Mon oncle Binette a une main coupée" (My uncle Binette has a hand cut off).

"Message in the bottle" becomes "Laisse le gin dans l'bateau" (Leave the gin in the boat).

 

[jack action]

New blood joins the earth versus nous faisons des oeufs? How do blood and faisons match?

It's 'blood joins' that sounds like 'faisons'. It's concentrated on the 's' sound of 'joins', which the singer pronounce very distinctly and which is a sound that doesn't really exist in french at the end of a word. The 'on' sounds at the end is silent (it's more like 'ood joins sounds like 'aizn).

You had to listen to the show. Once you are told «Listen, it sounds like this», you can't hear anything else afterwards. And when you don't clearly understand the original language, your brain corrects it to something you know.

 

[jack action]

It is "blood joins" that becomes "faisons." Personally, I think that the "bl" is too pronounced to be confused with a "f" sound, but I can understand the auditory hallucination.

I remember the show @jack action mentioned, but unfortunately don't remember many of the hallucinations. However, there are a couple in Message in a Bottle by The Police that I still can here to this day:

"More loneliness than any man could bear" becomes "Mon oncle Binette a une main coupée" (My uncle Binette has a hand cut off).

"Message in the bottle" becomes "Laisse le gin dans l'bateau" (Leave the gin in the boat).

This what I'm talking about!

I'm just reading this text like everyone else and cannot see the link between the french and english sentences, even when repeating the sentence out loud. But I just went on youtube to listen to the song and I can't hear anything else but the french sentences! For sure, I could never tell you that they are saying "More loneliness than any man could bear".

 

[jtbell]

Reminds me of the kid who thought Jesus had a funny looking teddy bear called Gladly, because of the hymn "Gladly, thy cross-eyed bear".

And then there’s the kid from New Jersey (or maybe it was Long Island) who didn’t want to take the train to Duh City because the Lord’s Prayer says “lead us not into Penn Station, but deliver us from evil.”

 

[etotheipi]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[davenn]

I've just found out my girlfriend is a ghost.
To be honest, i had my suspicions when she first walked through the door..

 

[davenn]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[mfb]

Shakespeare's pencils

I once tried to get the timing of a signal right by adding/removing cables of different length. The cables had labels "1B", "2B", "3B", "4B" from some previous use. I quickly encountered the question "2B or not 2B" - seriously. The answer was to include 2B.

 

[DrGreg]

Shakespeare's pencils

I told this joke on this website several years ago, but it's time to tell it again.

A logical joke:

2B OR NOT 2B

That is the question.

TRUE

That is the answer.

 

[davenn]

Spoiler: spoiler alert

 

[MikeeMiracle]

There are 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary and those who do not...

 

[jack action]

 

[Borg]

Then there's complete overkill.
https://blog.khymos.org/2009/04/09/towards-the-perfect-soft-boiled-egg/#more-929

 

[etotheipi]

Hmm yes, that's why I keep burning all of my eggs! It's because I haven't been solving the thermal diffusion equation with an expansion in spherical waves of the form $T_k(r,t) = \frac{B_k}{r}e^{i(\omega t - kr)}$!

 

[fresh_42]

Then there's complete overkill.
https://blog.khymos.org/2009/04/09/towards-the-perfect-soft-boiled-egg/#more-929

... and as always: The entire calculation is completely in vain as nobody knows in advance the correct mass, thickness of the shell and initial temperature.

 

[Ibix]

... and as always: The entire calculation is completely in vain as nobody knows in advance the correct mass, thickness of the shell and initial temperature.

...so we need to start marketing MRI machines for domestic users.

 

[Keith_McClary]

View attachment 265176​

From the same site:

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[etotheipi]

View attachment 265194

If it uses flash memory, then I think it actually becomes lighter

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[etotheipi]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[etotheipi]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[jtbell]

Official New Hampshire state motto: "Live Free or Die".
Unofficial Wisconsin state motto: "Eat Cheese or Die".

 

[DrClaude]

Official New Hampshire state motto: "Live Free or Die".
Unofficial Wisconsin state motto: "Eat Cheese or Die".

Shouldn't that be "Eat Cheese and Die" (of cardiovascular disease)?

 

[etotheipi]

 

[etotheipi]

 

[WWGD]

Shouldn't that be "Eat Cheese and Die" (of cardiovascular disease)?

I understand prisoners there make license plates with that motto. Maybe they should have another motto re the irony.

 

[jtbell]

Shouldn't that be "Eat Cheese and Die" (of cardiovascular disease)?

If the cheese doesn't get you, the brats will!

Better (or should that be "wurst"?) yet:

Just looking at that gives me angina pangs.

 

[jack action]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[jim mcnamara]

What is a 3.15159m snake called?
a πthon.