Collection of Lame Jokes

[davenn]

OK, this is about as lame as you can get

 

[jtbell]

Ahem: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Idaho,_Ohio

For that matter, there's also an Oregon, Ohio, just outside Toledo. I drove through there last year on my rust belt road trip.

There are a surprising number of towns with the same names as states different from the ones they're located in. An amusing example is Indiana, Pennsylvania, which is the home of Indiana University of Pennsylvania (no connection to either Indiana University or the University of Pennsylvania).

 

[Ibix]

For that matter, there's also an Oregon, Ohio, just outside Toledo. I drove through there last year on my rust belt road trip.

To be honest, I only discovered Idaho, Ohio because my US geography isn't much better than the New York/Texas/California gag (I know where Florida is too!). I put Ohio into Google, then Idaho, and one of the auto-completes caught my eye...

I think my wife knows a few more states - Alaska which ones.

 

[mfb]

There is also Ohio, New York, with a population of 1000.

There is also Ohio, asteroid belt, with a population of zero.

 

[fresh_42]

Physicists found out ...

Spoiler

... but went in again.

 

[jtbell]

There is also Ohio, New York, with a population of 1000.

Ohio was increased by some of the now-defunct town of Wilmurt, which itself had been partly formed with territory from Ohio and the town of Russia in 1836.

So it appears at least some people in Ohio can see Russia from their house! No need to go all the way to Alaska.

 

[mfb]

There is also Russia, Ohio...

 

[Fewmet]

There is also Ohio, New York, with a population of 1000.

I've heard that Ohioville, NY was named by settlers who intended to go to migrate to Ohio, but stopped early and named the town after the intended destination.

(I read this in a newsletter for a rail trail in that area. Looking online for another source, I found it on Wikipedia, but it cites that same newsletter.)

 

[fresh_42]

I wanted to donate blood. But they've asked too many questions: "Whose blood is this?" "Where did you have it from?" ...

 

[fresh_42]

The two year old just ran against the door while staring at his coloring book.
I think he's ready now for his first smartphone.

 

[Aufbauwerk 2045]

One of the Doctor's new friends enters the Tardis for the first time. She is accompanied by Adric.

Friend: "Why is it bigger on the inside than on the outside?"
Adric: "Because it's dimensionally transcendental."
Friend: "What does that mean?"
Adric: "It means it's bigger on the inside than on the outside."

 

[Stavros Kiri]

A)

I think he's ready now for his first smartphone.

Or it's smart to phone and ask a counselor to see if he is ready first! ...

B)

The two year old just ran against the door while staring at his coloring book.
I think he's ready now for his first smartphone.

Or he may just be already using Wi-fi ! ...

 

[jtbell]

There is also Russia, Ohio...

The correct local pronunciation is "roo-shee", with the emphasis on the first syllable.

We Ohioans do have a way with pronunciations of "foreign" names. Not far from my hometown is Vienna, pronounced "Vy-enna". And down near the Ohio River is Rio Grande, pronounced "Rye-oh Grand".

 

[Stavros Kiri]

So it appears at least some people in Ohio can see Russia from their house! No need to go all the way to Alaska.

There is also Russia, Ohio...

Well they can see Russia but not Moscow! ...

 

[mfb]

Well they can see Russia but not Moscow! ...

Moscow, Ohio

 

[Stavros Kiri]

Moscow, Ohio

Well but it's not in Russia [Ohio] ...

 

[Stavros Kiri]

End Times Jokes:

"I am god and I decided there will be no End Times! ... I should be on my way now, because I hear an ambulance! ..."

+ another one (opposite view): "There will be no End Times! Simply there won't be enough time! ..."

And the busy people's approach: "End Times!? There's no time for that! [Are you kidding? There's more important things to do! ... Lol]"

 

[davenn]

I think he's ready now for his first smartphone.

And the busy people's approach: "End Times!? There's no time for that! [Are you kidding? There's more important things to do! ... Lol]"

and speaking of smartphones and personal "end time" ……

 

[Stavros Kiri]

and speaking of smartphones and personal "end time" ……

View attachment 227875

He missed the alerts too! ...

 

[jtbell]

M gives agent 007 his next assignment:

"I want you to go to this party. Mingle. Meet people. Make friends... Bond, James. Bond."

 

[fresh_42]

What we charge for an hour work:

• NORMAL: $40
• IF YOU WATCH: $60
• IF YOU HELP: $80
• IF YOU ALREADY BEGAN: $120

 

[davenn]

haha

 

[Psinter]

I don't even know how they come with these anymore. Lame funny nonetheless.

 

[Stavros Kiri]

What we charge for an hour work:

• NORMAL: $40
• IF YOU WATCH: $60
• IF YOU HELP: $80
• IF YOU ALREADY BEGAN: $120

+ • If you've already "fixed it": $100,000

 

[jtbell]

 

[davenn]

 

[Fig Neutron]

Well he was one of the most vulgar characters. They had to bleep out every single word he said.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[jtbell]

Another flashback to fifth grade:

"What's that in the ditch?"
"Gomer's pile."

(cultural reference for those not familiar with 1960s TV shows in the US)

 

[Borg]

Another flashback to fifth grade:

"What's that in the ditch?"
"Gomer's pile."

(cultural reference for those not familiar with 1960s TV shows in the US)

They ran a bunch of these on Jeopardy recently:

A pleasure trip for Suri's dad

Spoiler

Tom's cruise

Cherry stone for Angelina Jolie's life partner

Spoiler

Brad's pit

Bird belonging to a movie "Gladiator"

Spoiler

Russell's crow

Breakfast meat belonging to the movies' "Hollow Man"

Spoiler

Kevin's bacon

Rule of conduct by which 2004's "Alfie" lives

Spoiler

Jude's law

Walking stick for 1966's "Alfie"

Spoiler

Michael's cane