Collection of Lame Jokes

[fresh_42]

I'm glad it does not snow. Shovel snow in this heat would be a torture.

 

[Stavros Kiri]

Shovel snow in this heat would be a torture.

Is it easier putting out fires?

Spoiler: Optional Spoiler

1. Technically "Way No!" but actually "Yes", since the former is impossible.

2. No sweat! ...

 

[davenn]

 

[BillTre]

 

[jtbell]

Several years ago, our local newspaper reported on a county council meeting that was discussing the next year's budget. It quoted one councilman as asking why so many county departments needed "new trucks with four-wheel drive and wenches."

 

[fresh_42]

Several years ago, our local newspaper reported on a county council meeting that was discussing the next year's budget. It quoted one councilman as asking why so many county departments needed "new trucks with four-wheel drive and wenches."

Oh, yeah. Fun on the countryside can be so simple.

 

[Borg]

Mechanics homage to fine art!

Awesome photos. I just had to look up the creator - Fabris Photography.

 

[Ibix]

Several years ago, our local newspaper reported on a county council meeting

The News Quiz, a BBC Radio 4 program which does exactly what it says on the tin, reads out a clipping from a newspaper or magazine between each round. One from a local parish newsletter announced a talk in a neighbouring parish titled "Heaven and how to get there". Transport arranged from outside the Dog and Duck Inn.

wenches

A wench, I am told, is useful when one needs to turn the head of a dolt.

 

[Ibix]

Awesome photos. I just had to look up the creator - Fabris Photography.

It's interesting how they've made photos resemble oil paintings. They've both faded to black around the edges and flattened the colour somehow.

 

[BillTre]

It's interesting how they've made photos resemble oil paintings. They've both faded to black around the edges and flattened the colour somehow.

That could all be done in any decent photo manipulation program like photoshop for example.
Lighting and camera settings can also produce some of the results.

 

[davenn]

 

[Ibix]

I think it was John Stewart on the Daily Show who observed that America is named after Amerigo Vespucci, who first showed that Columbus' discoveries were a new landmass and not the east coast of Asia, and hence that there'd been a 50% chance that his country would be the United States of Vespuccia.

 

[Stavros Kiri]

his country would be the United States of Vespuccia

Who said that USV would have been the whole Vespuccia!? ...

 

[Stavros Kiri]

Who said that USV would have been the whole Vespuccia!? ...

that his country

Unless it's a typo and you meant "this country" ...

 

[DrGreg]

Teacher: Come here now!
Kid: But I already am here!

You can't argue with the logic. Wherever you are, you can always describe it as "here".

 

[Bandersnatch]

View attachment 229098

 

[Borg]

 

[Stavros Kiri]

View attachment 229151

Can't report that one! ... It's just a tree ...

 

[BillTre]

 

[fresh_42]

Lost a contact lens in the bank today.
Wished I hadn't shouted: "Nobody moves!"

 

[BillTre]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 229252

You know, despite the text at the bottom already having appeared, I was actually staring at that for a couple of seconds wondering when the rest of the image was going to load...

 

[davenn]

You know, despite the text at the bottom already having appeared, I was actually staring at that for a couple of seconds wondering when the rest of the image was going to load...

yeah, me too ... it was only when I scrolled the screen, that I saw the caption at the bottom and giggled

 

[davenn]

 

[pBrane]

Lamest joke you know ... :zzz:

Guys goes into drug store and is met by an assistant.
'Can I help you sir?'
'I am looking for some deodorant'
'Certainly sir, the aerosol or the ball?'
'Well actually, it's for under my arm'

 

[Stavros Kiri]

Lost a contact lens in the bank today.
Wished I hadn't shouted: "Nobody moves!"

Is that the one I found behind the cashier? [I don't know you by the way ... ]

You know, despite the text at the bottom already having appeared, I was actually staring at that for a couple of seconds wondering when the rest of the image was going to load...

Yeah, me too! And I was like "what the ...?".
But how do we know it's really Data missing?
[Not only 'Insufficient Data' but also arbitrary conclussion! ...]

 

[Borg]

[Not only 'Insufficient Data' but also arbitrary conclussion! ...]

There was No Conclusion.

 

[Stavros Kiri]

There was No Conclusion.

There was: "Insufficient Data" implies "Insufficient Data" ...

 

[Stavros Kiri]

View attachment 229262

Or you can use your real balance for your checks! ...

 

[davenn]