Collection of Lame Jokes

[WWGD]

 

[jtbell]

A friend of mine had a pet pig for a while.

He got rid of it because it kept hogging the couch.

 

[Keith_McClary]

Jim Benton Cartoons by Jim Benton for March 18, 2021​

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 281400

To borrow from SG-1 on virgin birth:
"It's supposed to have happened once before."
"She's referring to..."
"I know the one of whom she speaks, Daniel Jackson. Darth Vader."

 

[Borg]

View attachment 281400

Reminds me of this shirt that I saw recently.

 

[jack action]

 

[Keith_McClary]

From a Google Image search page:

 

[BillTre]

Stork delivering baby:

 

[fresh_42]

This stork looks like a heron.

 

[DaveC426913]

This stork looks like a heron.

Not all herons bear apes.

 

[BillTre]

This stork looks like a heron.

The joke's the thing.

 

[Ibix]

This stork looks like a heron.

It identifies as a stork, though.

 

[jack action]

If you're waiting for the waiter, does that make you the waiter?

 

[WWGD]

Another one from Reggie, who's driving and is stopped by a cop.
Cop:" Don't you know this is a one-way street?"
Reggie:" I'm only going one way".

 

[jtbell]

A lawyer gets the bill from his plumber for some bathroom work.

Lawyer: "How do you get away with charging this much? I'm a lawyer and I don't charge this much!"

Plumber: "I know... that's why I gave up being a lawyer and became a plumber instead."

 

[jack action]

The more I look at this photo, the more I laugh, because the more I'm telling myself there must have been another way:

 

[jack action]

 

[WWGD]

After getting rid of taxes there is no Vat no Vere.

 

[WWGD]

Can Keto* lead to weight loss? Yes, and same for anywhere else in Ecuador. Plenty people arrived there hoping to somehow magically lose weight.

*Keto vs Quito.

 

[Borg]

Last week in a team meeting, my co-workers were comparing vaccine reactions. I joked that since my second shot, I was less likely to believe in conspiracies. One of my co-workers replied that since the shot, he has a greater affinity toward Microsoft products.

 

[fresh_42]

Can Keto lead to weight loss? Yes, and same for anywhere else in Ecuador. Plenty people arrived there hoping to somehow magically lose weight.

I have an idea: Let's sell the guaranteed instant weight loss. We'll book our customers a flight from wherever they are to Daocheng, for instance, JFK - DCY.

 

[jbriggs444]

I have an idea: Let's sell the guaranteed instant weight loss. We'll book our customers a flight from wherever they are to Daocheng, for instance, JFK - DCY.

Or explain how to do a coordinate transformation and adopt a reference frame falling at 1.0 m/s².

We could even charge extra for a transformation to a frame falling at 2.0 m/s².

 

[pinball1970]

The more I look at this photo, the more I laugh, because the more I'm telling myself there must have been another way:

View attachment 281479​

On the floor I think

 

[WWGD]

I have an idea: Let's sell the guaranteed instant weight loss. We'll book our customers a flight from wherever they are to Daocheng, for instance, JFK - DCY.

It was supposed to be Quito/Keto.

 

[pinball1970]

It was supposed to be Quito/Keto.

NOW, I get it

 

[Keith_McClary]

Ecuador. Plenty people arrived there hoping to somehow magically lose weight.

We have threads on this:
https://www.physicsforums.com/threads/weight-at-the-north-pole-vs-equator-problem.558119/

 

[WWGD]

We have threads on this:
https://www.physicsforums.com/threads/weight-at-the-north-pole-vs-equator-problem.558119/

Mine was a bit different. People equating/confusing Keto and Quito.

 

[WWGD]

NOW, I get it

Maybe it fits better in RT. Or maybe it's just bad enough to not even qualify as a lame joke. Do I get a trophy for that? :).

 

[jack action]

I'm reading a horror book in Braille.

Something bad is going to happen.

I can feel it.

 

[jack action]

 

[pinball1970]

Maybe it fits better in RT. Or maybe it's just bad enough to not even qualify as a lame joke. Do I get a trophy for that? :).

RT?

 

[WWGD]

RT?

Random Thoughts.

 

[BillTre]

Muppet or lady?

 

[pinball1970]

Random Thoughts.

I thought it was something to do with Relativity Theory. Ok that's good, I understand the joke again fully.

 

[fresh_42]

Muppet or lady?
View attachment 281578

Mrs. Waldorf or Mrs. Statler?

 

[Vanadium 50]

One of them has a first name. Astoria.

 

[jack action]

 

[jack action]

Do you remember that time, before the internet, when we thought that all this collective stupidity was due to a lack of access to information?

Well, that wasn't it.

 

[jtbell]

We had a crew over to do some work on our house. Three guys and a dog piled out of the truck.

Me: "What's with the dog?"

Guy: "Oh, that's Buddy. He likes to come along and help us out. Hope you don't mind having him around."

Me: "Sure, no problem. What does he do?"

Guy: "Let's ask him... what do you want to work on today, Buddy? Speak!"

Buddy: "Roof, roof!"

 

[mfb]

As Equador is at the equator you actually do lose some weight flying there. Up to 0.3% depending on where you come from.

 

[Keith_McClary]

Do you remember that time, before the internet, when we thought that all this collective stupidity was due to a lack of access to information?

Well, that wasn't it.

Also, "The results instead favor a complementary relation between the internet and agglomeration externalities ..."

 

[etotheipi]

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[etotheipi]

 

[etotheipi]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[BillTre]

Sunday Breakfast:

 

[WWGD]