Collection of Lame Jokes

[Klystron]

Have you heard about the English major hindered by her huge big ginormous extensive vocabulary?

When she heard that her state outlawed semiautomatics she exclaimed:
"Yes! Long overdue legislation. My degree is Semantics. Never liked semiotics.".

Spoiler: Decency excludes this obligatory denouement

Would you like extra whipped cream on your Americano?

 

[256bits]

Have you heard about the English major hindered by her huge big ginormous extensive vocabulary?

When she heard that her state outlawed semiautomatics she exclaimed:
"Yes! Long overdue legislation. My degree is Semantics. Never liked semiotics.".

Spoiler: Decency excludes this obligatory denouement

Would you like extra whipped cream on your Americano?

I guess she thought the gun-control legislation had a worthwhile adjective.

 

[jack action]

 

[jack action]

 

[Interested user]

I hate Russian dolls, they’re so full of themselves.

 

[Interested user]

Why are there gates around cemeteries? Because people are dying to get in!

 

[Interested user]

Why do you tell actors to break a leg? Because there’s always a cast!

 

[jack action]

 

[Interested user]

Knock knock. Who’s there? I’m. I’m who? Idk you tell me!

 

[etotheipi]

Knock knock. Who’s there? I’m. I’m who? Idk you tell me!

 

[jtbell]

The king's chief advisor dashes into the throne room.

Advisor: "Sire, the peasants are revolting!"

King: (sighs) "You can say that again."

 

[Vanadium 50]

 

[jack action]

The CEO of IKEA was just elected president in Sweden.

He should have his cabinet together by the end of the week.

 

[fresh_42]

The CEO of IKEA was just elected president in Sweden.

He should have his cabinet together by the end of the week.

Only if he manages to find all screws that have to be adjusted.

 

[Interested user]

Only if he manages to find all screws that have to be adjusted.

Talk about a 7 ply country am I right?

 

[jtbell]

Outed!

 

[jtbell]

Here's where to send those revolting peasants:

 

[waternohitter]

moooo...moooo

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[jack action]

 

[jack action]

 

[jack action]

 

[phinds]

 

[jack action]

 

[etotheipi]

 

[BillTre]

 

[fresh_42]

They sell these over here:

Translation: Out of my way you unnecessary social contact.

 

[jtbell]

The country's biggest ketchup producer didn't anticipate the huge demand for those small packets for takeout orders and even table service (shared ketchup bottles being a no-no nowadays).

In Heinzsight, it should have been obvious to them.

 

[DrGreg]

The country's biggest ketchup producer didn't anticipate the huge demand for those small packets for takeout orders and even table service (shared ketchup bottles being a no-no nowadays).

In Heinzsight, it should have been obvious to them.

There was a TV show about tomato sauce recently. If you missed it, it's still available on ketchup.

 

[WWGD]

 

[jack action]

 

[berkeman]

Oh my gawd, Jack. That took me way too long to figure out.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[fresh_42]

Two truck drivers.
"Do you see the bridge over there?"
"Yeah, so?"
"It says 13 feet but we are 14 feet high."
"So what. Have you seen cops anywhere?"

 

[Borg]

Two truck drivers.
"Do you see the bridge over there?"
"Yeah, so?"
"It says 13 feet but we are 14 feet high."
"So what. Have you seen cops anywhere?"

Maybe they were here? 161 crashes and counting.
http://11foot8.com/

 

[jack action]

I stood waving at my neighbour for 10 minutes this morning before realising she was cleaning her windows.

 

[DennisN]

Which is worse – ignorance or apathy?

Answer:

Spoiler

I don't know and I don't care.

 

[Keith_McClary]

They've got an awful lot of Covid in Brazil.
(I didn't pay $11 for the right to post the cartoon.)

 

[DaveC426913]

They've got an awful lot of Covid in Brazil.
(I didn't pay $11 for the right to post the cartoon.)

I don't get it. But I'm not good with song lyrics.

 

[jack action]

 

[collinsmark]

View attachment 281213​

For anyone who didn't get it:

Spoiler

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unix_time

 

[DaveC426913]

For anyone who didn't get it:

Now that one I got.

 

[Keith_McClary]

Looks Good on Paper by Dan Collins for April 10, 2021

 

[jtbell]

What do you call a Frenchman in sandals?

Phillipe Floppe.

 

[dRic2]

This is not a joke per se but I found it very funny.

I was watching a youtube video of a physicist giving a lecture and at some point he said:
"If you can generate a closed-form analytic solution, then it stands to reason that this is a faster solution than any other methods (i.e. you just plug the numbers into a formula)"
Then a mathematician raised his hand and said:
"It depends on your definition of closed-form, analytic, and faster."

 

[jack action]

 

[Keith_McClary]

"If you can generate a closed-form analytic solution, then it stands to reason that this is a faster solution than any other methods (i.e. you just plug the numbers into a formula)"
Then a mathematician raised his hand and said:
"It depends on your definition of closed-form, analytic, and faster."

And other issues:

 

[BillTre]