Collection of Lame Jokes

[WWGD]

 

[collinsmark]

View attachment 282898

I don't get it. Mt. Rushmore is in South Dakota -- nowhere near Canada, is my point. And it faces more east than it does south. Is the meme trying to say that Wyoming or maybe Montana is supposed to be Canada?!

 

[Ibix]

I don't get it. Mt. Rushmore is in South Dakota -- no where near Canada, is my point.

And your former presidents are remarkably limber if they can get their heads upright and serious looking while their back ends are in that position...

 

[WWGD]

I don't get it. Mt. Rushmore is in South Dakota -- nowhere near Canada, is my point. And it faces more east than it does south. Is the meme trying to say that Wyoming or maybe Montana is supposed to be Canada?!

You've been made into an honorary German. I plead license/leeway in the jokes section. Rigor elsewhere, but more of a " You know what I mean" here.

 

[DaveC426913]

I don't get it. Mt. Rushmore is in South Dakota -- nowhere near Canada, is my point. And it faces more east than it does south. Is the meme trying to say that Wyoming or maybe Montana is supposed to be Canada?!

No. It's just a well-known fact that British Columbians have excellent vision.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 282934

Neither nor. It's a [URL='https://www.physicsforums.com/insights/basics-positron-emission-tomography-pet/']pet scan[/URL].

 

[Vanadium 50]

If great headlines are what you are after, one cannot do better than this:

 

[WWGD]

 

[DaveC426913]

View attachment 282934

Goes along with the Lab tests and the Pollygraphs.

 

[WWGD]

Neither nor. It's a [URL='https://www.physicsforums.com/insights/basics-positron-emission-tomography-pet/']pet scan[/URL].

I bet that is not a justified generalization allowed under the tractatus. Must pay a fine by law. Joke analytics report flunks it.

 

[WWGD]

 

[Keith_McClary]

Now you can save the Earth by eating bacon:

 

[Jarvis323]

 

[WWGD]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]

 

[jtbell]

If great headlines are what you are after, one cannot do better than this:

View attachment 282937

Maybe that was the bar where some physicist wrote a preprint that I once saw in grad school, about "topless bottom models."

 

[jtbell]

Just in case you doughnut know, you can get a free one at Krispy Kreme when you show your COVID vaccination card.

 

[WWGD]

 

[Ibix]

If great headlines are what you are after, one cannot do better than this:

View attachment 282937

"Vietcong push bottles up US Marines" is quite a famous one.

 

[Vanadium 50]

Is it real? Headless Bodies is. April 14, 1983. Vinnie Musetto was the headline writer. Here's his obituary.

 

[Ibix]

Is it real? Headless Bodies is. April 14, 1983. Vinnie Musetto was the headline writer. Here's his obituary.

It was presented to me as real by an English teacher teaching us about ambiguous phrasing, but web searches don't turn up anything, not even Snopes. Maybe I was misled...

 

[fresh_42]

It was presented to me as real by an English teacher teaching us about ambiguous phrasing, but web searches don't turn up anything, not even Snopes. Maybe I was misled...

We have had a similar headline here. But I am not sure whether it is true, or just an urban legend, or what someone once said to me as I told him an anecdote: "I don't think it is true. But the point is, it well could be true." The headline was: "Murder! BILD spoke at first with the dead!"

BILD is the German equivalent to THE SUN.

 

[mjc123]

"Vietcong push bottles up US Marines" is quite a famous one.

"British push bottles up Germans" dates back to WW2.

 

[davenn]

for Star Trek fans ...

 

[mfb]

A headline discussion without "One to three for Fife's Hicks; Sven ate nine tench."? Impossible.

Caveat: No one seems to know the exact date this was published, and there is also a "One tooth free for Fife's Hicks; Sven ate nine tench." version.

 

[jack action]

Never challenge Death to a pillow fight.

Unless you're prepared to handle the Reaper cushions.

 

[jtbell]

If the University of Alberta has a math competition team, they should call themselves the Edmonton Eulers.

 

[DennisN]

The secret of curing procrastination is...

...procrastination. Procrastinate your procrastination, and you are home free.

 

[phinds]

I've been planning for a long time now to do something about my procrastination, but I keep putting it off.

 

[DennisN]

I've been planning for a long time now to do something about my procrastination, but I keep putting it off.

Hang in there. If you wait long enough, maybe it will just solve itself somehow.

 

[phinds]

Hang in there. If you wait long enough, maybe it will just solve itself somehow.

That's my plan, actually.

 

[phinds]

T-shirt slogans:

Explosives are awesome; fingers are overrated
Hedgehogs - why don't they just share the hedge?
Dear math, I'm not a therapist. Solve your own problems.
Free Tibet ! (With another Tibet of equal or greater value)
Voted "most likely to travel back in time", class of 2057
Most likely to secede, class of 1825
Practice safe lunch, use a condiment
Rock is dead - paper killed it
If life gives you lemons, keep them because, hey, free lemons
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself! (and spiders)

 

[fresh_42]

T-shirt slogans:

Explosives are awesome; fingers are overrated
Hedgehogs - why don't they just share the hedge?
Dear math, I'm not a therapist. Solve your own problems.
Free Tibet ! (With another Tibet of equal or greater value)
Voted "most likely to travel back in time", class of 2057
Most likely to secede, class of 1825
Practice safe lunch, use a condiment
Rock is dead - paper killed it
If life gives you lemons, keep them because, hey, free lemons
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself! (and spiders)

Be careful with Free Tibet! We used to say "Free Greenland! Away with the ice!" as kids. Now see, where it led us!

 

[jack action]

I just got kicked out of a karaoke bar for singing Danger Zone five times.

Apparently, I exceeded the maximum number of Loggins attempts.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[davenn]

 

[phinds]

Snow shovel designed by my wife for me:

 

[phinds]

Obviously no one has ever explained to this guy about dereticulating the framis:

 

[phinds]

 

[phinds]

 

[DrClaude]

Snow shovel designed by my wife for me:

View attachment 283304

There is a parachute add-on for removing snow from the roof.

 

[jack action]

Obviously no one has ever explained to this guy about dereticulating the framis:
View attachment 283305

This reminds me of an ad that runs here where I live, right now:

​

There is also the french version, which I think is even funnier (for those who understand french, and like a challenge):

​

 

[jack action]

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it never tried to contact us.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]