Collection of Lame Jokes

[fresh_42]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 244258

True story: back when my wife and I were just dating I impulse-purchased some carnations in a local supermarket on my way over to her place one day. It was a cold grey day and it was starting to rain - so I was slightly surprised when another guy, wearing a rather wet tshirt and no coat and with a slightly wild-eyed expression, skidded to a stop in front of me and asked where I'd bought the roses. I pointed out that they were carnations and gave him directions to the supermarket. I must admit that "what did he do and how angry is she" was exactly what I was wondering.

 

[fresh_42]

True story: back when my wife and I were just dating I impulse-purchased some carnations in a local supermarket on my way over to her place one day. It was a cold grey day and it was starting to rain - so I was slightly surprised when another guy, wearing a rather wet tshirt and no coat and with a slightly wild-eyed expression, skidded to a stop in front of me and asked where I'd bought the roses. I pointed out that they were carnations and gave him directions to the supermarket. I must admit that "what did he do and how angry is she" was exactly what I was wondering.

What amazes me with those stories and the picture above: They work on a global level and everyone (male?!) immediately understands them. No cultural, religious or race distinctions, only a silent agreement which doesn't need any explanation.

 

[strangerep]

[...] only a silent agreement which doesn't need any explanation.

Yeah, man - got yer back. Bitches be crazy.

 

[Mark44]

Juneau

I still not sure how to pronounce that correctly ??

It's the French equivalent of Latin Juno, which we in the US pronouce it like June' -o, with accent on the first syllable.

There's a town on Vancouver Island, BC, called Esquimault -- you'd never guess how the Canadians pronounce it...
The word is of French origin, due to the influence of French fur trappers 150 or so years back, but that's no help in knowing how to say this word.

 

[mfb]

The Township of Esquimalt /ɪˈskwaɪmɔːlt/

What a horror.

 

[jim mcnamara]

At last, a decently awful Geology pun:
What is the highest from of flattery?

Spoiler

A mesa

 

[davenn]

 

[fresh_42]

Miracle Teenager Survives On His Own For Almost 6 Hours With No Wi-Fi

 

[fresh_42]

"Do you know why I pulled you over?"
"If you forgot, I won't remind you!"

 

[256bits]

"Do you know why I pulled you over?"
"If you forgot, I won't remind you!"

Sure fire way to get arrested for obstruction of justice.

 

[fresh_42]

Q: Why do bees only have a queen?
A: If they had a government, too, they wouldn't have enough honey for the rest.

 

[Ibix]

Q: Why do bees only have a queen?

They have a Sting, too. So possibly The Police.

 

[fresh_42]

They have a Sting, too. So possibly The Police.

It's getting hot here, and tomorrow will even be hotter, 'cause that one took a while!

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

I think these guys have had one to many beers.

 

[strangerep]

Imagine the taste when that guy puts those falsies back in his mouth!

I guess he's the kind of guy who likes to go,... er,... downtown.

 

[WWGD]

4/3 of the people cannot do basic Arithmetic or Statistics...

 

[WWGD]

Jeffree is now officially Jef +$9.95 for Shipping and Handling.

 

[Ibix]

4/3 of the people cannot do basic Arithmetic or Statistics...

93% of statistics are made up on the spot[1].

[1] Ibix, https://www.physicsforums.com/threads/collection-of-lame-jokes.25301/post-6188344, retrieved 3rd June 2019.

 

[WWGD]

93% of statistics are made up on the spot[1].

[1] Ibix, https://www.physicsforums.com/threads/collection-of-lame-jokes.25301/post-6188344, retrieved 3rd June 2019.

How about the other 10%?

 

[fresh_42]

How about the other 10%?

Are normal disputed.

 

[Ibix]

How about the other 10%?

Lies and damned lies, I believe.

 

[jtbell]

What did the grape do when someone stepped on it?

It let out a little wine.

 

[DrGreg]

What did the grape do when someone stepped on it?

It let out a little wine.

Why was the grape on the floor?

The Grape Escape

 

[davenn]

What did the grape do when someone stepped on it?

It let out a little wine.

Speaking of wine...

There's an old Australian joke...
What is an Aussie girls favourite wine ?

"When are we going home?"

 

[DrClaude]

How about the other 10%?

There are three kinds of people, those who can count and those who can't.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[mfb]

There are three kinds of people, those who can count and those who can't.

There are 10 kinds of people, those who count in binary and those who don't.