Collection of Lame Jokes

[fresh_42]

There are 10 kinds of people, those who count in binary and those who don't.

This was already said

There are three kinds of people, those who can count and those who can't.

 

[Ibix]

There are 10 kinds of people, those who count in binary and those who don't.

Hurkyl's response to this upthread is good. Humanino's response - next post after Hurkyl's - is priceless.

 

[Fig Neutron]

My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.

 

[strangerep]

What is an Aussie girls favourite wine ?
"When are we going home?"

How does an Australian nurse know whether she had a good time last night?

[And would I receive an infraction for giving the answer here on PF?]

 

[davenn]

[And would I receive an infraction for giving the answer here on PF?]

probably hahaha

 

[gmax137]

Hurkyl's response to this upthread is good. Humanino's response - next post after Hurkyl's - is priceless.

Some of the others that follow are good too. I really liked the Olaf jokes. I don't remember reading those, but 2009 was a long time ago.

 

[jack action]

 

[Steelwolf]

^^^That first pig cheated by doing it 'Wright' ^^^

Although it looks like a bottle box (although it may have been a battery instead) next to it so they may have been flying to dinner!

 

[Fig Neutron]

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It’s fine, he woke up.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[Vanadium 50]

What happens when you play country music backwards?

You get your wife back, you get your dog back, you get your truck back...

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

​

 

[mfb]

@Dale: What happened there?

 

[OCR]

Yeah, a very smart fellow. .

If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.

.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[jtbell]

What happens when you play country music backwards?

You get your wife back, you get your dog back, you get your truck back...

And you hear reverse-recorded messages that Elvis is alive.

 

[jtbell]

Why do fairies sprinkle mist in the morning?

They're doing their dew diligence.

 

[fresh_42]

And you hear reverse-recorded messages that Elvis is alive.

Well, you know he only left the planet.

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

 

[fresh_42]

My wife complains that I don't buy her flowers. I didn't even know that she sold them.

 

[Steelwolf]

Since Washington State made hemp use legal the flower sales have skyrocketed!

 

[mfb]

My wife complains that I don't buy her flowers. I didn't even know that she sold them.

That is one of the jokes that only works when told like that. If you try to include a literal quote (from the wife complaining) it fails because "You don't buy me flowers" and "you don't buy my flowers" are different.

 

[davenn]

 

[mfb]

This pun is abysmal.

 

[davenn]

​

... Why don't they come to their senses?

 

[Bandersnatch]

This pun is abysmal.

It's unfathomably bad. (But then again, there's some depth to it)

 

[DrClaude]

It's unfathomably bad. (But then again, there's some depth to it)

That joke really krakens me up!

 

[jtbell]

You guys are all wet.