Collection of Lame Jokes

[fresh_42]

 

[davenn]

​

 

[jtbell]

Did you hear about the guy who went on a trip and liked his hotel so much he decided to Marriott?

And then he ran off with Ruby Tuesday next door.

 

[fresh_42]

Infertility is hereditary.

If your parents did not have children, you will not get any either.

 

[BillTre]

Infertility is hereditary.

If your parents did not have children, you will not get any either.

Which leads to the following:
You (each living entity actually) come from a long line of reproducers, going back to the beginning of life (which is a pretty impressive string of reproductive success).

 

[fresh_42]

I find it even more impressive, that it seems we all come down to a couple of families, i.e. went through an enormous genetic bottleneck. It makes the appearance of nowadays humanity with all this racism in the world pretty ridiculous.

 

[davenn]

 

[BillTre]

I had trouble spelling that word for a long time because of that.

 

[Steelwolf]

@fresh_42 Your Zuckerberg joke reminds me of the message I left on the answering machine years ago in that perfect deep, half-snarky tone with the Caps Actually Voiced:

"Hello My Friend, Welcome to The Machine; Control Number 555-5555. Please leave your Name and Identification Number at the Tone, and Remember: The Computer is Your Friend!"

I had people calling me to hear my message, not to actually talk to me! It was a Hoot!

 

[nuuskur]

If your parents did not have children..

I'm already conflicted with this bit

 

[Steelwolf]

Heck, Humans are so successful procreating that rabbits make jokes about em!

 

[Steelwolf]

I had thought (and happily so) that I had missed as far as being a Reproducing Human, largely by choice, partly by bad fever the possibilities were limited, but I was proven incorrect when I got a call from a relative asking if I "Had ever dated" a certain gal; 'well, Yes'; Was there ANY Chance of a kid;..ANY chance, well, Ya, once...Oh No...and so I took and sent sample off and DNA done proved me wrong. Not only do I have a daughter, but 4 grands. (No Joke there)

And That is a "Failed Breeder", which makes me worry about all those people that Know they are parents...but of Just How Many? The gals know for sure, the guys...not always!

Who knows, it may be YOU next to get a call from someone who was connected via DNA and traced back to: "It Hadda Be..."

 

[fresh_42]

... in that perfect deep, half-snarky tone with the Caps Actually Voiced ...

I remember a woman who did something similar: spoke her text in a deep, sexy voice with the background music "Just the two of us". She said she changed that after her gynecologist called her to confirm an appointment.

 

[fresh_42]

I'm already conflicted with this bit

It is my new favorite example for the fact that any statement about the elements of the empty set is true. I used to say: 'All elements of the empty set have purple eyes.' but this one is better.

 

[BillTre]

I had thought (and happily so) that I had missed as far as being a Reproducing Human, largely by choice, partly by bad fever the possibilities were limited, but I was proven incorrect when I got a call from a relative asking if I "Had ever dated" a certain gal; 'well, Yes'; Was there ANY Chance of a kid;..ANY chance, well, Ya, once...Oh No...and so I took and sent sample off and DNA done proved me wrong. Not only do I have a daughter, but 4 grands. (No Joke there)

And That is a "Failed Breeder", which makes me worry about all those people that Know they are parents...but of Just How Many? The gals know for sure, the guys...not always!

Who knows, it may be YOU next to get a call from someone who was connected via DNA and traced back to: "It Hadda Be..."

Reminds me of a friend who has no kids, but has an identical twin who does have kids.
Therefore, he has virtual kids, from a genetic similarity prespective.

 

[Steelwolf]

@BillTre, Given our chemical backbone that would make his Nep/Niece's as his 'Carbon Copy Kids'... And ditto for grandchildren.

 

[davenn]

​

 

[BillTre]

If you boil a funny bone it becomes a laughing stock.
That's humerus.

 

[BillTre]

A man walks into a zoo.
The only animal in the entire zoo is a dog.
Its a shitzu!

 

[nuuskur]

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar and one of them says: "hey, I think I lost my electron". The other one asks: "are you sure?". The first one replies: "I'm positive".

 

[BillTre]

 

[Wrichik Basu]

In this cricket World Cup we have witnessed:
1. Two Days of a “One Day” match between India and New Zealand
2. A six in the final that went rolling on the ground
3. NZ losing the final by “ZERO RUNS” and “ZERO WICKETS”
4. An Irishman lifting the World Cup for England
5. A final decided by a weird rule.
6. First time in cricket, a team won a match neither by runs nor wickets, but by a rule.

 

[Ibix]

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar and one of them says: "hey, I think I lost my electron". The other one asks: "are you sure?". The first one replies: "I'm positive".

The other one says "I can lend you mine, but I'll be keeping an ion it".

 

[fresh_42]

The other one says "I can lend you mine, but I'll be keeping an ion it".

I assume they already entered the bar holding hands.

 

[Auto-Didact]

 

[davenn]

5. A final decided by a weird rule.
6. First time in cricket, a team won a match neither by runs nor wickets, but by a rule.

yeah and a rule made up by the English on the day
talk about moving the goal posts !

I'm pretty peeved by that stupid result

Dave

 

[256bits]

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar and one of them says: "hey, I think I lost my electron". The other one asks: "are you sure?". The first one replies: "I'm positive".

The other one says "I can lend you mine, but I'll be keeping an ion it".

And the barkeep says, "OK guys, Two drinks on the house. No charge."

I just made that up, so if its not funny, that's my excuse.

 

[Ibix]

And the barkeep says, "OK guys, Two drinks on the house. No charge."

"...because you bring such a positive feel to the place."

 

[DrGreg]

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar and one of them says: "hey, I think I lost my electron". The other one asks: "are you sure?". The first one replies: "I'm positive".

If the atom wasn't sure whether an electron had been lost or not, would that be an example of Schrödinger's cation?

 

[fresh_42]

I am so glad to be one of those people that can easily hear music without jogging.