Collection of Lame Jokes

[WWGD]

 

[nsaspook]

Virus Conspiracy #756

“It’s suspicious how they make the virus only hurt people who aren’t getting those shots”.

 

[Ibix]

“It’s suspicious how they make the virus only hurt people who aren’t getting those shots”.

"Correlation does not imply causation", obvs.

 

[WWGD]

 

[phinds]

 

[jtbell]

Sir Winston Churchill's opinion of President Eisenhower's Secretary of State:

"Dull, duller, Dulles."

 

[fresh_42]

 

[Keith_McClary]

Speed Bump by Dave Coverly for June 24, 2021​

 

[WWGD]

 

[nsaspook]

A woman went to the doctor’s office, where she was seen by a young, new doctor.

After about 4 minutes in the examination room, the doctor told her she was pregnant.

She burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall.

An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story.

After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room.

The doctor marched down the hallway to the back where the first doctor was and demanded,

“What’s the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is a 59 year old widow, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and hasn’t had sex since her husband passed away 7 years ago! Yet you told her she was pregnant?”

The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up said:

“Does she still have the hiccups?”

 

[DaveC426913]

After about 4 minutes in the examination room, the doctor told her she was pregnant.“Does she still have the hiccups?”

Hah! I actually did this!

Early in our marriage, my wife got the hiccups at a Turkey Day dinner with my family.

I stood up without warning and told the whole family my lovely new wife and I have some wonderful news I want to share with the family..."

It worked.

 

[phinds]

A nice, calm, and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I would like to buy some cyanide.”
The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”
The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”
The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he exclaimed, “Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!”
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and said, “You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”

 

[jack action]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[davenn]

Every time I take up a sport, or exercise I meet new people ...
usually they're paramedics...
but they're new people.

 

[WWGD]

Hah! I actually did this!

Early in our marriage, my wife got the hiccups at a Turkey Day dinner with my family.

I stood up without warning and told the whole family my lovely new wife and I have some wonderful news I want to share with the family..."

It worked.

Mine was a bit different. This guy told me he was constipated. A bit later, I tell him " I think I saw someone stealing your car". He said " I don't have a car". I just replied " Then you better hurry!".

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[kuruman]

 

[BillTre]

Animal themed furniture:

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[gmax137]

I want to die in my sleep, like Grandpa.

Not screaming, like everyone else in his car...

 

[DaveC426913]

I want to die in my sleep, like Grandpa.

Not screaming, like everyone else in his car...

Never gets old.

 

[Bystander]

Oh yes, it does.

 

[gmax137]

Oh yes, it does.

Sorry...

 

[fresh_42]

I want to die in my sleep, like Grandpa.

Not screaming, like everyone else in his car...

"Clear!" was the last word of the passenger.

 

[jack action]

 

[WWGD]

 

[ergospherical]

 

[ergospherical]

 

[ergospherical]

 

[WWGD]

Meetings should last as long as it takes to drink a cup of coffee:

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[jack action]

 

[phinds]

 

[BillTre]

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

 

[BillTre]

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 285284​

And a horse with no name.

 

[Keith_McClary]

View attachment 285283

So you went for a walk in the park.

 

[DaveC426913]

"Hi and welcome to Rekindling Your Love Life, Class 1.
"Let's start with the basics. Give me your best 'Come Hither' look.
"Good. Now let's spice it up a bit. Bite your lip seductively."
"OK." :shudder: "Now let's try that again, but this time your lower lip."