Collection of Lame Jokes

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

A review for an Italian restaurant.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[fresh_42]

Why did I find that funny again?

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 286973Why did I find that funny again?

Yeah. I was once happily singing along[*] to an album I hadn't listened to in almost a decade while I was cooking dinner. It wasn't until I opened the cupboard and discovered I had no cans of tomatoes that I remembered why specifically I'd gone to the shops earlier...

I love mobile phones. I write shopping lists every time I go to the shops now, and I don't leave my phone at home the way I did with stupid bits of paper with lists scribbled on them.

[*] At a guess, no one else in the house was happy with me "singing" along.

 

[jack action]

 

[Ivan Seeking]

View attachment 286973Why did I find that funny again?

When you need something from the kitchen, assign a melody to it before getting up. LOL!

I have often thought of how amazing it is that I can remember the lyrics to hundreds of songs at least. There seems to be a huge effect on memory when we put words to music. But then repetition is clearly part of it. Many of those songs had many hours of airplay. Not to mention...

It's the story, of a lovely lady...

 

[fresh_42]

When you need something from the kitchen, assign a melody to it before getting up. LOL!

I have often thought of how amazing it is that I can remember the lyrics to hundreds of songs at least. There seems to be a huge effect on memory when we put words to music. But then repetition is clearly part of it. Many of those songs had many hours of airplay. Not to mention...

It's the story, of a lovely lady...

I remember a night in a cocktail bar after work in the '90s and they played a song from the charts which was a cover of a song from the '70s or something. Anyway, the guy next to me and I sang along. Then he poked me and said: "You must be careful meanwhile when to sing along. It is revealing your age."

 

[Ivan Seeking]

I remember a night in a cocktail bar after work in the '90s and they played a song from the charts which was a cover of a song from the '70s or something. Anyway, the guy next to me and I sang along. Then he poked me and said: "You must be careful meanwhile when to sing along. It is revealing your age."

The very first popular song I learned, a couple of years after it's release, was Puff the Magic Dragon. In fact I can still see in my memory the man playing guitar and teaching our nursery school class the words. And of course I do still know the words. I'm sure I could match you cover to cover for anything from the 70s.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

I start to think of myself as getting old but I refuse to go down that path. Age is a state of mind and I need my hot young gf to remember that!

 

[WWGD]

 

[jack action]

I've started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes.

It's all about raisin awareness.

 

[Ibix]

I've started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes.

It's all about raisin awareness.

You need to get it on TV - try a currant affairs program.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[Ivan Seeking]

I've started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes.

It's all about raisin awareness.

Did someone tell you to stop your wining?

 

[phinds]

 

[jtbell]

While reviewing the preparations for the siege of his enemy's castle, the prince visited the battery of catapults.

"What are you going to load the catapults with?"

"We'll use the contents of our latrines, sire."

"Very good. How easy is it to aim these things?"

"Not very. It's sort of a crapshoot."

 

[WWGD]

 

[Keith_McClary]

preparations for the siege

Speed Bump by Dave Coverly for July 09, 2021​

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Unfortunately, Simon Biles had to withdraw from the Okympics due to "the Twisties".

The same can be said for Sha’Carri Richardson

 

[BillTre]

 

[strangerep]

I start to think of myself as getting old but I refuse to go down that path. Age is a state of mind and I need my hot young gf to remember that!

Heh, heh, you're a living embodiment of the principle that "You're only as old as the woman you feel".

 

[jack action]

View attachment 287019

View attachment 287020

Are we going down that road again? This one showed on my social media recently:

 

[WWGD]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[BillTre]

Truckers, so often inspirational!

 

[Halc]

Help me! I am trapped
in a Haiku factory
Save me before they...

I got your message
I have found my way inside
Oh my god, what the ...

 

[phinds]

 

[fresh_42]

This is the sadness in this insight: the huge number of people, and not only in the US, who don't care at all about their fellow citizens. How difficult can it be to wear those masks, or to get a shot or two?

 

[phinds]

This is the sadness in this insight: the huge number of people, and not only in the US, who don't care at all about their fellow citizens. How difficult can it be to wear those masks, or to get a shot or two?

Why would they want to bother with that when it's all a government hoax? Or a conspiracy by Bill Gates? Or a media lie to sell news? Or ... <insert horse manure of your choice> ?

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 287049

That was also the reason given for the shortage of toilet paper: too many as**oles.

 

[wrobel]

An elder colleague told me a story. One Russian mathematician was invited to a conference in USA. It was the iron curtain times and the guy almost did not speak English and he learned his speech by rote. At the end he wanted to say "I want to wish you a successful life" but he said "I want to wish you a sex full life"

 

[Ivan Seeking]

An elder colleague told me a story. One Russian mathematician was invited to a conference in USA. It was the iron curtain times and the guy almost did not speak English and he learned his speech by rote. At the end he wanted to say "I want to wish you a successful life" but he said "I want to wish you a sex full life"

Well, you know what Putin says about Russian prostitutes.

 

[gmax137]

I should go around and ask other troops if they have a bacon stretcher. This was used to stretch the bacon so that one piece could be made into two

In my troop, the bacon stretcher was used to keep the bacon flat as it fried, so it didn't curl up with rare and well-done parts on the same piece.

We had other items for the tenderfeet to seek out: shoreline (to tie up the canoes), left-handed smoke shifters (to keep the campfire smoke out of our eyes), I'm sure there were more.

 

[BillTre]

 

[phinds]

 

[phinds]

 

[mfb]

There is nothing cooler than casually walking away after blowing something up

Just don't announce it or things get messy outside the bathroom, too.

 

[Ophiolite]

My boxing coach told me I would do a lot better if I did more feinting and less fainting.

 

[phinds]

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Just don't announce it or things get messy outside the bathroom, too.

That is hilarious!

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]