Collection of Lame Jokes

[jack action]

I have to quit my job because I'm not strong enough.

I gave my boss my too weak notice.

 

[jack action]

A lot of jokes about billionaires in space right now. So far, this one is my favorite:

 

[Keith_McClary]

A lot of jokes about billionaires in space right now.

Space asks humanity to stop sending it trash​

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[phinds]

 

[BillTre]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[davenn]

I had a rough day at school, and then somebody went and ripped the front and back pages from my dictionary.
It just goes from bad to worse.

 

[WWGD]

My tough father the day of my sixth birthday:
" When I was your age...I was seven! ".

 

[DrGreg]

I had a rough day at school, and then somebody went and ripped the front and back pages from my dictionary.
It just goes from bad to worse.

Somebody went and ripped all the pages from my dictionary.

I was lost for words.

 

[davenn]

 

[phinds]

Somebody went and ripped all the pages from my dictionary.

I was lost for words.

I had the opposite problem. Guy threw a thesaurus at me. I was appalled, dazed, disconcerted, dumbfounded, floored, gobsmacked, overwhelmed,startled, stunned stupefied, surprised, taken aback, upset, amazed, astonished, shocked, staggered ...

 

[phinds]

 

[Ivan Seeking]

The new Femiclear commercial cracks me up.

 

[Ibix]

The new Femiclear commercial cracks me up.

Because it allegedly doesn't contain chemicals and is therefore presumably 100% bovine-sourced fertiliser?

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Because it allegedly doesn't contain chemicals and is therefore presumably 100% bovine-sourced fertiliser?

No but you have two guesses left.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

It is also the first commercial that comes to mind that seeks to destigmatize the "Hooha"

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

It is also the first commercial that comes to mind that seeks to destigmatize the "Hooha"

There was this gymnast with last name Hyman. They named her Misty Hyman. Maybe not a good choice for first name given the last name.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[DrGreg]

My wife ran away with the man next door.

I do miss him.

-- Les Dawson​

 

[Ivan Seeking]

There was this gymnast with last name Hyman. They named her Misty Hyman. Maybe not a good choice for first name given the last name.

My ex worked with a gynecologist name Hyman.

And many many years ago, I worked with a guy name Harry Dong.

 

[WWGD]

My ex worked with a gynecologist name Hyman.

And many many years ago, I worked with a guy name Harry Dong.

I heard of a theory that names somehow shape the subconscious into certain careers. So there are dentists with first name Dennis, and so on.

 

[fresh_42]

My wife ran away with the man next door.

I do miss him.

-- Les Dawson​

https://www.physicsforums.com/threads/collection-of-lame-jokes.25301/page-356#post-6441504

 

[hmmm27]

I heard of a theory that names somehow shape the subconscious into certain careers. So there are dentists with first name Dennis, and so on.

I never bothered researching the history of computing, so - devoid of contradictory context - I thought "Grace Hopper" was an inside pun referring to "gracing" a card reader's input-hopper with a deck of punch cards.

It's hilarious now.

 

[WWGD]

I never bothered researching the history of computing, so - devoid of competing context - I thought "Grace Hopper" was an inside pun referring to "gracing" a card reader's input-hopper with a deck of punch cards.

It's hilarious now.

There's this big deal guy in database : Grant Fritchey. And IT guys with first names like " Dev and Wotek. Yes, these are not purely random and representative but it seems a good case may be made.

 

[jack action]

 

[BillTre]

 

[davenn]

I do miss him.

tis sad to loose a fishing/drinking buddy

 

[mfb]

It's good to miss a hunting buddy, however.

We are on page 404. Quick, not found jokes!

 

[Ibix]

We are on page 404. Quick, not found jokes!

"Is there—is there news at this link?—tell me—tell me, I implore!"
Quoth the Server "four-oh-four"

 

[Borg]

I look forward to page 418.

 

[jack action]

It's good to miss a hunting buddy, however.

We are on page 404. Quick, not found jokes!

Here we go:

The errors 404 and 403 went to vote, 404 voted for Trump. 403 forbidden.

 

[DrGreg]

We are on page 404. Quick, not found jokes!

Multilingual joke:

British: Wally is on page 404.

American: Waldo is on page 404.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

Multilingual joke:

British: Wally is on page 404.

American: Waldo is on page 404.

You've found Wally/Waldo!
I remember a Mad Mag spoof of a single pic of Waldo. It was titled ' Where's Waldo for morons'.

 

[BillTre]

Like this?

 

[BillTre]

 

[WWGD]

Like this?

View attachment 286558

Perfect! Great to see more Mad fans around.

 

[BillTre]

Mad is classic.

In grade school, a friend of mine had some Mad publication along the lines of "Snappy
Come-backs to Stupid Questions".

Edit:
Found it:

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[Ivan Seeking]

View attachment 286508

When asked if I plan to marry again, I say heck no! It would be easier to just find someone I don't like and give her my house.

View attachment 286574

Where is my boo button...?