Collection of Lame Jokes

[Lancelot59]

Zombie PT?

Spppprrraaaaaaaaiiinnnsssss

Zombie porn star?

Baaaaaaabeeeeeessss.

 

[FtlIsAwesome]

A zombie with a headache?

" Assssppprrrrriiiiinnnn "

 

[nismaratwork]

A transportation engineer zombie?

" Trrrraaaaaaaiiiiiiiinnnnnnssssss "

A physicist zombie studying Relativity?

"Frrrraaaaammmeesssss"


P.S. Damn, Fit you got me!

 

[nismaratwork]

Zombie porn star?

Baaaaaaabeeeeeessss.

More like, "AAAAIIIIIIDDDDSSSS"


Zombie Origami artist?

"Crrrrraaaaannnneeesss"

 

[Isaacsname]

Zombie Ex-mother inlaw ?

" Disdaaaiiiiiiinnnssss "

...' backs slowly towards exit '

 

[FtlIsAwesome]

Zombie Origami artist?

"Crrrrraaaaannnneeesss"

Or a constuction zombie.

 

[Isaacsname]

A cowboy rides into town one day, shrouded in dust. He eases his horse up to the the saloon, hops off, ties the horse off and put on the feedbag.

He walks around to the rear of the horse, lifts up the tail and kisses the horse right where you wouldn't.

The other cowboys, stunned into silence momentarily, ask the lone stranger

" What the hell was that for ..? "

The stranger replies

" ... " Chapped lips "

To which they reply

" ..What the hell does that have to do with chapped lips...? "

The stranger looks up and says

" Well,...It keeps me from licking them "

 

[nismaratwork]

OK... I just died a little inside...

 

[Isaacsname]

Ha ! Didn't they warn you..? I'm dangerous...

...ly stupid.

 

[nismaratwork]

Ha ! Didn't they warn you..? I'm dangerous...

...ly stupid.

Heh...

 

[Lancelot59]

Zombie shoe salesman:

Laaaaaaaaccceeeeeeesssss.

 

[Isaacsname]

Zombie shoe salesman:

Laaaaaaaaccceeeeeeesssss.

A zombie dentist

" Brrraaaaaaaccccceeeeesssss "

 

[nismaratwork]

A zombie dentist

" Brrraaaaaaaccccceeeeesssss "

A zombie insomniac


"Paaaaaaccceeesssss"

 

[Borek]

Cowboy enters a bar, puts a cigarette into his lips, takes a gun, fires in some random direction. Bullet ricochets twice, strikes the end of the cigarette and lights it.

- Hi, I am John!

Next cowboy enters a bar, puts a cigarette into his lips, takes a gun, fires in some random direction. Bullet ricochets thrice, strikes the end of the cigarette and lights it.

- Hi, I am Jack!

Next cowboy enters a bar, puts a cigarette into his lips, takes a gun, fires in some random direction. Bullet ricochets four times, kills a bartender.

- Hi, I am sorry.

 

[Isaacsname]

Not a joke but a question

Why is it, that if I get tattoos, I'm hip, and if I draw on myself with markers, I'm crazy ?

..who's makin' these rules anyway ?

 

[FtlIsAwesome]

Not a joke but a question

Why is it, that if I get tattoos, I'm hip, and if I draw on myself with markers, I'm crazy ?

..who's makin' these rules anyway ?

Markers will wear off.

 

[Isaacsname]

A down-on-his-luck piano player spots a " Jazz bar piano player wanted " sign in the window of a bar one day.

He walks in, go's over to the bar and says

" I can play, but I don't do covers, are you interested..? "

The bartender looks up, " ..Ok,..go ahead and play me a quick tune, I'll have a listen . "

The piano player hops up on stage and deftly renders an incredible original composition.

The bartender is almost stunned to tears..." What do you call that song.. it was beautiful .."

The Man replies "..Well, to be honest, I name my songs after things that happen to me, so I call that one " My ex-wife took everything I had, and now I'm sleeping in my car underneath the bridge. "

The bartender is like

...but asks for another demonstration of the man's abilities.

Once again the pianoman weaves a musical tapestry versed with the spirit of all the jazz greats.

The bartender says " I'm a little reluctant to ask,...but what do you call that one ..? "

He replies " Hey, look what I just stepped in ! "

The bartender is a little concerned with the song names, but tells the man to come back at 6 and give it a go.


Around 8 the man takes a bathroom break, when he comes out of the bathroom, the next man in line who'd been waiting to use the john says

" Hey man, do you know your fly's open ? "

The piano players looks at the man

.." pppfttt...know it ? "

" I wrote it "

 

[FtlIsAwesome]

A photographist zombie?

" Frrrraaaaaaammmmmeeeesssssss "

I just realized that I got the exact 1000th post on this thread!

 

[mugaliens]

One camel says to the other, "I don't care what anyone says, I'm thirsty."

 

[mugaliens]

Did you hear about the stickup on the bridge?

No.

Who threw it up there?

 

[Isaacsname]

What do you get when you cross an elephant with an octopus ?

You get an elephant that eats a lot of peanuts.

 

[lisab]

What do you get when you cross an elephant with an octopus ?

|elephant||octopus|*sin θ

 

[Isaacsname]

|elephant||octopus|*sin θ

'hangs head'

...I'm a flop at maths, I wish I understood the humor in that, I bet it's funny.

:shy:

 

[Lancelot59]

|elephant||octopus|*sin θ

Lisa isn't that great either. That's a dot product.

 

[nismaratwork]

'hangs head'

...I'm a flop at maths, I wish I understood the humor in that, I bet it's funny.

:shy:

Imagine they're both lines, or curves... she just made them "cross" on her graph.

I think.

I'm better with the abstract math than actual calculations... oh that was fun in HS.

@mugaliens: You're going to hell, which I don't believe in, for making jokes that bad.

 

[lisab]

Lisa isn't that great either. That's a dot product.

...lol...

 

[mugaliens]

What do you get when you cross an elephant with an octopus ?

You get an elephant that eats a lot of peanuts.

I thought that went like, "What do you get when you cross a crocodile with an abalone?" A crocabolone.

 

[mugaliens]

Lisa isn't that great either. That's a dot product.

I'll take her dot product to half else.

 

[nismaratwork]

I thought that went like, "What do you get when you cross a crocodile with an abalone?" A crocabolone.

Heh, how have I not heard that one before?!

 

[Lancelot59]

I'll take her dot product to half else.

What?