Collection of Lame Jokes

[strangerep]

[...Diet Water...]

Hey, now YOU can buy homeopathic medicine direct from your local supermarket! Don't pay the inflated prices charged by homeopaths ever again!

 

[valenumr]

Hey, now YOU can buy homeopathic medicine direct from your local supermarket! Don't pay the inflated prices charged by homeopaths ever again!

I always dilute my water to save money.

 

[Baluncore]

I always dilute my water to save money.

I dehydrate mine, to save on postage.

 

[DrGreg]

I dehydrate mine, to save on postage.

I save postage on blank paper supplies by getting the blank pages emailed to me, which I send to my printer.

(That joke used to work with fax machines.)

 

[valenumr]

I dehydrate mine, to save on postage.

I lol'd

 

[valenumr]

I dehydrate mine, to save on postage.

I usually freeze it, so it has less energy.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[berkeman]

From my Facebook feed this morning...

 

[Ibix]

I always dilute my water to save money.

I do, somewhere, have a bottle of deionized water that says "do not dilute" on it. I see what they're getting at, but...

 

[WWGD]

 

[berkeman]

From a conversation just now with my wife when I got home from the grocery store... (If I were a cartoonist, I could draw this one up. But since I'm not, here it is in words. And for the record, we are in our early 60's and my wife is a little hard of hearing and I'm a soft talker)

wife>> What's the magazine?

me>> It's from the History Channel on Navy Seals. I saw it in the check-out line and thought it would be interesting.

wife>> What?!

me>> I thought it would be interesting, so I bought it.

wife>> You bought a magazine about baby seals?!

 

[fresh_42]

From a conversation just now with my wife when I got home from the grocery store... (If I were a cartoonist, I could draw this one up. But since I'm not, here it is in words. And for the record, we are in our early 60's and my wife is a little hard of hearing and I'm a soft talker)

wife>> What's the magazine?

me>> It's from the History Channel on Navy Seals. I saw it in the check-out line and thought it would be interesting.

wife>> What?!

me>> I thought it would be interesting, so I bought it.

wife>> You bought a magazine about baby seals?!

She knew that baby seals are a lot, lot cuter! And you know what we say here: hope dies last.

 

[BillTre]

 

[berkeman]

View attachment 294660

OMG, that took me *way* too long to figure out. LOL

 

[BillTre]

Brought to you by the guy who made a drone out of a taxidermy'ed cat:

Comes the ostrich drone:

Still waiting for a flying squirrel.

 

[fresh_42]

Still waiting for a flying squirrel.

Your order, Sir!

 

[Baluncore]

Comes the ostrich drone:

Let's face it. You should never turn your back on an ostrich drone.

 

[DrGreg]

Comes the ostrich drone

The trouble with ostrich drones is they keep crashing head-first into the sand.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

" Dad, you're adopted":

 

[Keith_McClary]

SMBC is weirder than usual today. I will just post the red button popup:

 

[WWGD]

 

[BillTre]

Your order, Sir!

View attachment 294663

Needs some appendage props.Or better cartoon cred:

Cartoon star: Rocket J. Squirrel

 

[WWGD]

Me, in my freshman days of snobbery that I have left behind:

 

[jack action]

Love is a Skin
​

love is a skin
that protects you
a warmth that spreads
from the tips of your fingers
to your heart

sorry - not love -
glove, I meant glove

 

[jack action]

I went to the cinema last night. the man sitting in front of me had his dog with him. The dog seemed really engrossed in the film. When the film ended, I said to the owner «This might seem weird but your dog seemed to really enjoy that». «Yes I was surprised too, he hated the book.»

 

[jack action]

 

[jtbell]

Shouldn't Frosty be a container of steam, then?