Collection of Lame Jokes

[DrGreg]

Maybe more black than lame. ;)

Just an illustration of "correlation is not causation".

 

[gary350]

My greatest inventions.

 

[DennisN]

@pinball1970 may appreciate this one:

By the way, congratulations to England for beating Switzerland earlier today!
It was a close call, I thought Switzerland would win the match.
I personally think it will be England versus Netherlands in the semi-final.

 

[docnet]

 

[davenn]

A hillbilly went hunting one day in West Virginia and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home where he was confronted by an ornery game warden who didn't like hillbillies. The game warden ordered to the hillbilly to show his hunting license, and the hillbilly pulled out a valid West Virginia hunting license. The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said, "This duck ain't from West Virginia. This is a Kentucky duck. You got a Kentucky hunting license, boy?" The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced a Kentucky hunting license.
The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt, and said, "This ain't no Kentucky duck. This duck's from Tennessee. You got an Tennessee licence?" The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced an Tennessee license. The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck. "This duck's from Virginia. You got a Virginia hunting license?"
Again, the hillbilly reached into his wallet and brought out a Virginia hunting license. The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and he yelled at the hillbilly, "Just where the hell are you from?"
The hillbilly turned around, bent over, dropped his pants, and said, "You tell me, you're the expert!"

 

[fresh_42]

 

[DrGreg]

Here, I am stuck...

 

[phinds]

In the middle with you

 

[WWGD]

Judo is good for street fights, Aikidu not.

 

[phinds]

Can't believe how long it took me.

 

[davenn]

An accountant dies and goes to heaven (no, that's not the joke).
St. Peter, of course, is there, looking through the files and asking a few quick questions.
"What sort of accountant were you?"
"Oh, I was a CPA", was the reply.
"Name?" asks St. Pete.
The accountant gives his name and St. Peter finds his file.
"Oh yes, we've been expecting you. You've reached your allotted time span."
The accountant says, "I don't get it. How can that be? I'm only 48 years old."
Pete looks again at the file and says,
"Well, that's impossible."
"Why do you say that?" asks the accountant.
"Well," says St. Peter, "we've been looking over your time sheets and the hours you've charged your clients...
…By our reckoning, you must be at least 93 years old!"

 

[WWGD]

James Joyce was told by his landlord he had to leave his flat : " Ulysses expired".

 

[phinds]

 

[JT Smith]

A hillbilly went hunting one day in West Virginia and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home where he was confronted by an ornery game warden who didn't like hillbillies. The game warden ordered to the hillbilly to show his hunting license, and the hillbilly pulled out a valid West Virginia hunting license. The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said, "This duck ain't from West Virginia. This is a Kentucky duck. You got a Kentucky hunting license, boy?" The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced a Kentucky hunting license.
The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt, and said, "This ain't no Kentucky duck. This duck's from Tennessee. You got an Tennessee licence?" The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced an Tennessee license. The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck. "This duck's from Virginia. You got a Virginia hunting license?"
Again, the hillbilly reached into his wallet and brought out a Virginia hunting license. The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and he yelled at the hillbilly, "Just where the hell are you from?"
The hillbilly turned around, bent over, dropped his pants, and said, "You tell me, you're the expert!" View attachment 347918

View attachment 347917

I have a set of those. I guess I need to go back to amazon and buy the overalls, hat, pipe, and stick.

 

[dwarde]

 

[sbrothy]

View attachment 347946

What? Why even...? How does that resonate with his vanity plate?

So many things wrong with this picture! :)

 

[BillTre]

 

[Orodruin]

 

[sbrothy]

View attachment 347948

And I bet it wasn't thought through. And if so then poorly.

 

[davenn]

View attachment 347949

WOW that's hard on the eyes hahaha

 

[docnet]

I sent this to a friend who was about to defend a biology Ph.D. dissertation.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 347977

It should be happy. If that happened here, a SWAT team would blow up this unattended box for safety reasons!

 

[phinds]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[jrmichler]

After convincing one person to be banquet chair for a nonprofit, another to be appointed to the Town Board, and getting appointed to Town Board Chair myself, I'm not so sure that this is either lame or a joke:

 

[jack action]

View attachment 348000

More of a fingerprint eraser though ...

​

 

[docnet]

View attachment 348000

I actually was burned by this "fidget toy" when I was a child and still think its inventor had nefarious intentions.

 

[Orodruin]

 

[DennisN]

A funny t-shirt :

Source: here

 

[Orodruin]

A funny t-shirt :

View attachment 348008

Source: here

Technical objection!

 

[jack action]

Technical objection!
View attachment 348031

Technically, they could have used an image of the Rhinoceros unicornis:

​

Or better yet, its very close parent, the Rhinoceros sondaicus. With its worldwide population of about 76 individuals, it is truly the ... unicorn of the wildlife kingdom:

The paradox is that they are so rare that people may not recognize them as rhinos!

 

[berkeman]

I actually was burned by this "fidget toy" when I was a child

Me too, but just the outside of the barrel, not the glowing red part. It was in my "how far back does the hot go?" stage as a kid, which also earned me a burned finger with this...

 

[fresh_42]

I actually was burned by this "fidget toy" when I was a child and still think its inventor had nefarious intentions.

I drove them around with a forklift on a summer job as a student.

 

[fresh_42]

A 45 ports network switch.

 

[gary350]

My newest invention a dark flashlight. Shine dark on the enemy and they can not see you.

 

[phinds]

 

[fresh_42]

"Am I too fat?"
"I don't think so, but then again, I'm not a structural engineer."

Hand-to-hand combat.

 

[OCR]

My newest invention a dark flashlight. Shine dark on the enemy and they can not see you.

That's brilliant. . . .

.

 

[Tom.G]

View attachment 1720585869628.webp
How DARE they?
Sue them for false advertising. The attorney fees alone will cost them more than the 8% decreased material cost!

 

[Orodruin]

 

[Orodruin]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[berkeman]

 

[fresh_42]

https://www.facebook.com/watch?v=1112518359847333

 

[dextercioby]

 

[jtbell]

View attachment 348194

...FOR A MEANINGFUL ANSWER.