Collection of Lame Jokes

[MikeeMiracle]

A positron walks into a bar. The bartender says no electrons allowed. The positron - I am not an electron. The bartender - are you sure? The positron - I am positive.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[Orodruin]

View attachment 348208

Now, writing on the other hand ...

 

[dwarde]

 

[fresh_42]

A British grocery store has found a way to brighten the dinner table and let you glow in the dark:

 

[Ibix]

The paradox is that they are so rare that people may not recognize them as rhinos!

Is that why that one looks so cross?

 

[WWGD]

A positron walks into a bar. The bartender says no electrons allowed. The positron - I am not an electron. The bartender - are you sure? The positron - I am positive.

Do electrons have mass? Bartender: I'm not even sure they're catholic.

 

[Orodruin]

A photon arrives at the airport.
Airport staff: "Any luggage to check in?"
Photon: "No thank you. I am travelling light."

 

[fresh_42]

Why can electrons never board an airplane?
Although naked, the scanner keeps peeping every time they walk through it.

 

[WWGD]

After a lot of discipline, I'm finally regular, and I clean my bowels daily at 7 a.m.
Unfortunately, I only wake up at 8 a.m.

 

[Tom.G]

Well, That is a big load of - - - - of laundry!

 

[WWGD]

Chewbacca to be named Wookie of the Year in his first season.

 

[jtbell]

Chewbacca to be named Wookie of the Year in his first season.

Which team does he play for?

(That's an invitation to hit it out of the park. )

 

[Ibix]

Which team does he play for?

Rashington Rizards?

 

[DennisN]

It was in my "how far back does the hot go?" stage as a kid, which also earned me a burned finger with this...

I know how it feels... it's kind of hot .
And then the pain comes after a while... a stinging pain that seems to not let go.
And I've had my affairs with small splashes of hot soldering tin too, that can also be painful.

Well, I guess those who haven't accidentally burned themselves using a soldering iron simply haven't soldered enough yet .

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

If your horn doesn't work!

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 348286

Didn't you intend this one for " Jokes with obscure references"?

 

[fresh_42]

Didn't you intend this one for " Jokes with obscure references"?

No. We have jokes here about unicorns. How obscure are those?

The techniques evolved: from telling jokes to drawing jokes and cartoons or creating memes. I see no problem with faked videos or photoshopped pictures. It is just another form of art.

 

[docnet]

Didn't you intend this one for " Jokes with obscure references"?

 

[fresh_42]

Maybe someone who sang

Spoiler: Censored

shouldn't be too piqued.

 

[davenn]

Didn't you intend this one for " Jokes with obscure references"?

do you not recognise the ship name ?

 

[davenn]

 

[WWGD]

do you not recognise the ship name ?

No, frankly. Then again, I haven't own a TV for a while now.

 

[pinball1970]

No, frankly. Then again, I haven't own a TV for a while now.

I had to Google!

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kobayashi_Maru

 

[WWGD]

I had to Google!

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kobayashi_Maru

@%$# google takes away one's excuse on " how should I know?" and reveals I'm just being lazy.

 

[Orodruin]

He got the wrong ship …

 

[pinball1970]

Googling the ship name I came across this.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Takeru_Kobayashi

A champion eater. He seriously injured his jaw "training" in 2007.

 

[fresh_42]

Just when I wanted to use even go want to do look more like spoon far even!

 

[pinball1970]

Just when I wanted to use even go want to do look more like spoon far even!

View attachment 348314

Google translate? I'm guessing from Chinese

 

[phinds]

Google translate? I'm guessing from Chinese

Sounds more like something that went from Klingon to Russian to Spanish to Chinese to English.

 

[dextercioby]

 

[Orodruin]

continuing the recent theme …

 

[fresh_42]

 

[davenn]

View attachment 348325

I didnt get that one ?

 

[Ibix]

I didnt get that one ?

It's the shocked appearance of the cat and that it's behind bars while the cop is writing a ticket.

 

[DrGreg]

It's the shocked appearance of the cat and that it's behind bars while the cop is writing a ticket.

Oh! I read that differently. I thought it was a courier getting a signature on delivery!

 

[Ibix]

Oh! I read that differently. I thought it was a courier getting a signature on delivery!

Cap and hi-vis jacket is more common police uniform in Europe, and I can see po and ja on his chest which I suspect is policja, Polish for police.

 

[dextercioby]

Fake but legit.

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

Here's a cheery one:

 

[Bandersnatch]

View attachment 348351

The modern Angles are not as much borrowing from German, but rather trying to recollect their ancestral tongue. Only they're very coy about it, being ashamed of their horrible French accent they picked up from the Swedes.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[berkeman]

 

[Borg]

Just remember. Don't eat Tide Pods and drive.

 

[jack action]

Just remember. Don't eat Tide Pods and drive.

That soapvious!

 

[phinds]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[fresh_42]