--Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupe melons and no one asks, "What the Hell is wrong with you?”
--When the pool re-opens, due to social distancing rules, there will be no water in lanes 1, 3, and 5.
--When I get a headache I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.
--Just once, I want the username and password prompt to say, “Close enough.”
--If you see me talking to myself, just move along. I’m self employed. We’re having a meeting.
--I envy people who grow old gracefully. They age like a fine wine. I’m ageing like milk: Getting sour and chunky.
--I hate it when I can’t figure out how to operate the iPad and my tech support guy is asleep. He’s 5 and it’s past his bedtime. Today’s 3 year-olds can switch on laptops and open their favorite apps. When I was 3, I ate mud.
