Collection of Lame Jokes

[artis]

Due to the large influx of Keyboard warriors in Ukraine's neighboring countries who are "ready" to fight in Ukraine , our army has prepared a special batch of Russian weapons just for this cause.

 

[jack action]

And it is real: https://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=recursion

 

[DrGreg]

.And it is real: https://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=recursion

Similar to an easter egg that appeared in Kernighan & Ritchie in 1978.

On page 269, which is part of the book's index, the entry for "recursion" lists page 269 (amongst others).

 

[jack action]

https://thenib.com/unmasked/​

 

[BillTre]

 

[WWGD]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 298995​

And it is real: https://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=recursion

Googling "askew" is another easter egg.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[BillTre]

What did the police find when they dusted Chris Rock's face?

Fresh prints.

 

[WWGD]

 

[Ibix]

A friend was at a family funeral when he suddenly realized that he wasn't sure he'd put his phone in silent. Since his text message sound was someone knocking on a door then asking in a weird voice "is there anybody there?", he decided to check as a matter of urgency.

Collective opinion among my friends is that this guy and his phone are invited to all our funerals...

 

[BillTre]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[jack action]

 

[dextercioby]

I just heart in a romantic movie: (Him to her) „You were breathtaking”. My mind on the spot came with a pun: „You were bad breath#taking”.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[artis]

And other huge companies like McDonalds and KFC started in a kitchen

 

[artis]

Manual on how to start your VW lawn mower


And a better version of a lawn mower

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[phinds]

--Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupe melons and no one asks, "What the Hell is wrong with you?”

--When the pool re-opens, due to social distancing rules, there will be no water in lanes 1, 3, and 5.

--When I get a headache I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.

--Just once, I want the username and password prompt to say, “Close enough.”

--If you see me talking to myself, just move along. I’m self employed. We’re having a meeting.

--I envy people who grow old gracefully. They age like a fine wine. I’m ageing like milk: Getting sour and chunky.

--I hate it when I can’t figure out how to operate the iPad and my tech support guy is asleep. He’s 5 and it’s past his bedtime. Today’s 3 year-olds can switch on laptops and open their favorite apps. When I was 3, I ate mud.

 

[DennisN]

Medical diagnosis:

Something is fishy with the currency:

 

[jack action]

What has two butts and kills people?

Spoiler: Answer

An assassin

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[ergospherical]