Collection of Lame Jokes

[phinds]

Physics For Pre-med Students​

One day our physics professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask. "Why do we have to study this stuff?"

"To save lives," the professor responded and continued with the lecture.

A few minutes later the same student spoke up again. "So, how does physics save lives?" he persisted.

"It keeps the ignoramuses out of medical school," replied the professor.

 

[fresh_42]

Physics For Pre-med Students​

One day our physics professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask. "Why do we have to study this stuff?"

"To save lives," the professor responded and continued with the lecture.

A few minutes later the same student spoke up again. "So, how does physics save lives?" he persisted.

"It keeps the ignoramuses out of medical school," replied the professor.

Physics can save lives. I call them disco accidents. They usually happen when young boys try to impress young girls when driving home, often a little drunk, on weekend nights, and have, often deadly, accidents. They are reported in Monday newspapers, especially in fall when streets are slippery from moisture and leaves. The region here has a lot of trees and those are fatal if you crash due to high speeds. Some basic facts from classical mechanics could have saved a lot of lives!

 

[Orodruin]

I mean, my wife is a medical physicist working in radiation therapy. Physics definitely saves lives also in the hospital.

 

[phinds]

Physics can save lives. I call them disco accidents. They usually happen when young boys try to impress young girls when driving home, often a little drunk, on weekend nights, and have, often deadly, accidents. They are reported in Monday newspapers, especially in fall when streets are slippery from moisture and leaves. The region here has a lot of trees and those are fatal if you crash due to high speeds. Some basic facts from classical mechanics could have saved a lot of lives!

I mean, my wife is a medical physicist working in radiation therapy. Physics definitely saves lives also in the hospital.

GUYS ... this is a JOKE thread. Lighten up

 

[Orodruin]

 

[Orodruin]

GUYS ... this is a JOKE thread. Lighten up

What is a joke without some minor touch of connection to a hard reality?

 

[phinds]

What is a joke without some minor touch of connection to a hard reality?

Uh ... funny or not funny ?

 

[jtbell]

News flash... a troubled social media platform has been bought by a consortium of bloodsucking parasites and will be renamed TickTalk.

 

[fresh_42]

Your joke used physics as an entry test. I observed that mathematics does the same to economics. There was a chain of such an obstacle when I studied. It goes:

Some students began to study microeconomics. Oops, math!
They then changed to macroeconomics. Oops, even more math!
... and ended up studying law.

Uh ... funny or not funny ?

 

[Orodruin]

News flash... a troubled social media platform has been bought by a consortium of bloodsucking parasites and will be renamed TickTalk.

 

[dextercioby]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 355896

DYK that Mozart was a Swabian as Einstein was? Ok, Mozart's father was the emigrant. And Salzburg was Bavarian when Mozart was born.

 

[Orodruin]

View attachment 355896

I thought he always called himself "am a deuce" ...

 

[phinds]

My kind of refrigerator freezer. Just remove the ice tray and the rest of the contents of the freezer and let'er rip

 

[DaveC426913]

My kind of refrigerator freezer. Just remove the ice tray and the rest of the contents of the freezer and let'er rip

View attachment 355902

I would so that do that if I lived alone.


After 30 years, and a move, wife planned to get a new fridge. Asked me to go appliance shopping with her. I told her I have exactly one criterion: a door-mounted ice maker. I go through at least a half gallon of ice a day.

 

[davenn]

A Cylon, a Borg, a Hologram and a Cyberman walk into a bar...

 

[Ivan Seeking]

A Cylon, a Borg, a Hologram and a Cyberman walk into a bar...

View attachment 355905

Over 20 years and he hasn't lost any hair! LOL!

 

[AlexB23]

Over 20 years and he hasn't lost any hair! LOL!

25 years. Star Trek Voyager ended in the year 2000. :) Watched it as a teen in 2015.

 

[davenn]

25 years. Star Trek Voyager ended in the year 2000. :) Watched it as a teen in 2015.

tis scarey how quick so many years have gone by

 

[davenn]

25 years. Star Trek Voyager ended in the year 2000. :) Watched it as a teen in 2015.

It aired from January 16, 1995, to May 23, 2001

It was aa good series ... much better than deep space 9

 

[Orodruin]

It aired from January 16, 1995, to May 23, 2001

It was aa good series ... much better than deep space 9

I would make a ranked list of Star Trek captains, but I don’t want to start a war …

 

[Ivan Seeking]

I would make a ranked list of Star Trek captains, but I don’t want to start a war …

Have you seen the documentary about The Captains (of Star Trek), made by Shatner?
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1946421/

 

[Orodruin]

Have you seen the documentary about The Captains (of Star Trek), made by Shatner?
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1946421/

I have, but long ago.

 

[phinds]

 

[AlexB23]

It aired from January 16, 1995, to May 23, 2001

It was aa good series ... much better than deep space 9

Deep Space 9 was a slow cooker, but I finally liked it. Couldn't get past season 4 during two attempts in 2014 and 2017. Tried again in 2024, and finished the series. DS9 is about exploring societal and interpersonal issues, while Star Trek Voyager is about exploring outer space. Both are good series.

Yeah, I should have said 2001. So, another year and Voyager would have ended 25 years ago.

 

[collinsmark]

Reminded me of @DaveC426913's username.

(Source: https://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/compete)

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Reminded me of @DaveC426913's username.

View attachment 355958

(Source: https://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/compete)

That reminded me of the song, My Clone Sleeps Alone.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

The pending TikTok ban has boomers throwing away their non-digital clocks.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

It is a temporal anomaly

 

[Ivan Seeking]

 

[jtbell]

 

[phinds]

News flash: Giant TEMU warehouse in Sichuan province china burned to the ground last night. In addition to the loss of the building and vehicles, which is substantial, the loss of merchandise is expected to go as high as $87.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

The inauguration is being moved inside due to the extremely cold weather expected.

That explains a lot. It WILL be a cold day in hell.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

 

[Borg]

It WILL be a cold day in hell.

I've been thinking that all week.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[Ivan Seeking]

 

[Ivan Seeking]

 

[Ivan Seeking]

View attachment 356060

That reminds me of me. One night a car alarm kept going off in the middle of the night. Finally I called 911 and asked if it was appropriate to report a car alarm. She paused for a second and then in an obvious manner said, Yeeeaaahhh. Only then did it dawn on me: They have become so common as a nuisance I forgot they are an actual alarm. She was confused by my question. LOL!

 

[dwarde]

 

[Orodruin]

 

[Ivan Seeking]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 356067

I know a better answer (a cartoon), but that would immediately be deleted with an infraction.

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 356067

To err is human.

To moo is bovine.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

I almost spit coffee all over my keyboard when I saw this.

 

[Swamp Thing]

View attachment 356067

This is Socrates, right? Reaching for the cup of hemlock?

Is he looking towards, and gesturing over his disciples' heads, at the guy who is overseeing the execution?

 

[Ivan Seeking]

This is Socrates, right? Reaching for the cup of hemlock?

Is he looking towards, and gesturing over his disciples' heads, at the guy who is overseeing the execution?

I don't think Socrates had access to the internet.

 

[phinds]

It's going to be so cold in DC tomorrow that politicians are going to be putting their hands in their own pockets.

 

[jtbell]

While leafing through one of my books today, I found on one page the following scribbled note:

"I have found the lamest joke to post to Physics Forums, but the margin of this page is too narrow to contain it."

 

[Orodruin]