Collection of Lame Jokes

[dextercioby]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[davenn]

Or a bicycle.

yup, that is the other common one

I think the worse part is that you have a machine asking humans to prove that they are not a machine !!

 

[Ibix]

yup, that is the other common one

I think the worse part is that you have a machine asking humans to prove that they are not a machine !!

There's a video somewhere of a robot arm using a touchscreen pen to complete one of those checks, complete with pen drop at the end.

 

[Ibix]

yup, that is the other common one

I think the worse part is that you have a machine asking humans to prove that they are not a machine !!

Of course, there's also Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal's characteristic take on it.

 

[jack action]

A couple of cows were smoking a joint and playing cards.

That's right. The steaks were pretty high.

 

[Orodruin]

A couple of cows were smoking a joint and playing cards.

That's right. The steaks were pretty high.

 

[fresh_42]

Goetheborg.​

Ok, it's primarily a joke for those who can pronounce oe=ö correctly and know the real name of Gothenburg.

 

[DaveC426913]

Ok, it's primarily a joke for those who can pronounce oe=ö correctly and know the real name of Gothenburg.

ö sounds like the oo in book, right?

 

[jtbell]

ö sounds like the oo in book, right?

Er... (not quite that, either, but it's as close as most Anglophone-only types are likely to get.)

 

[fresh_42]

ö sounds like the oo in book, right?

More like "u" in urgent. Not exactly, but it's close (lips more formed into a small open circle).

 

[DaveC426913]

More like "u" in urgent. Not exactly, but it's close.

That 'u' phoneme seems inextricably linked with the 'r' phoneme. When I try, it sounds more like "berk".

Any words that don't combine them?

 

[DaveC426913]

Gon' make a killin' off these signs...

 

[fresh_42]

That 'u' phoneme seems inextricably linked with the 'r' phoneme. When I try, it sounds more like "berk".

Any words that don't combine them?

The slightly rolled tongue is the main obstacle for English speakers. Try to flatten it.

 

[berkeman]

When I try, it sounds more like "berk".

 

[jbriggs444]

That 'u' phoneme seems inextricably linked with the 'r' phoneme. When I try, it sounds more like "berk".

I was in Munich [Edit apparently Frankfurt] one time. Visiting. Ich bin ein Americaner. I knew just about enough German to inquire on the route to the parkplatz.

Someone used the word "Goethe", Munich Frankfurt being his place of residence. I remarked that I thought I could hear the "r" that time. It turned out that the person sitting next to us was a Canadian who taught German. He proceeded to expound on how the o umlaut is the equivalent of an oe ligature.

He further pointed out that written German is almost completely phonetic. You speak it as it is spelled. Though the sound of some letters is different from what English uses. So "Jawohl mein kommandant" has the "J" pronounced like an English "y" and the "w" pronounced like the Engligh "v".

 

[fresh_42]

Someone used the word "Goethe", Munich being his home town.

?

Definitely not Goethe's.

 

[DaveC426913]

When I try, it sounds more like "berk".

I'm right, am I not?

I asked if ö sounds like the "oo" in "book", and got corrected that it sounds more like the "u" in "urgent".

If I pronounce it literally like the "u" in "urgent", I get "berk". Which might be wrong - but I can't remove the "r" without it sounding like "book" again.

I guess a better example might be more like a Scotsman would say it? Halfway between book and berk.

 

[nsaspook]

This'll really wake you up each morning​

 

[fresh_42]

I'm right, am I not?

I asked if ö sounds like the "oo" in "book", and got corrected that it sounds more like the "u" in "urgent".

If I pronounce it literally like the "u" in "urgent", I get "berk". Which might be wrong - but I can't remove the "r" without it sounding like "book" again.

I guess a better example might be more like a Scotsman would say it? Halfway between book and berk.

How do you pronounce Björk?

 

[Bandersnatch]

I asked if ö sounds like the "oo" in "book", and got corrected that it sounds more like the "u" in "urgent".

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/IPA_vowel_chart_with_audio
German ö can be [œ] or [ø].
The chart tells you the position of the blade of the tongue (i.e. it's not about the tip). The front of the mouth is to the left. The central mid position is the position of a completely relaxed tongue.
Compare with [ʊ] in book or [ɜ] in urgent. The former has the tongue in the back and high, while the latter is comfortably central and unrounded.
The 'roundedness' quality in the description of the vowel refers to the shape the lips make. The ö vowel is rounded. The lips are tense ('compressed'), which in some speakers may result in the sound being more central - that is, the tongue position may be closer to [ɜ] in urgent - but the lips stay rounded.

Btw, if you want to realise [ɜ] in isolation, you can try for the regular shwa [ə] which is close enough. That's the first vowel in abroad, the last one in comma, or the vowel in the reduced (weak, unstressed) 'have', 'of', or the article 'a'.

 

[Jonathan Scott]

Ok, it's primarily a joke for those who can pronounce oe=ö correctly and know the real name of Gothenburg.

Except the G in Göteborg (where I lived in the 1980s) is pronounced more like "Y" not "G", something like "Yuertaborg" or even "Yuetabory"!

 

[jack action]

Is it so hard to imagine a hero could be a female?

 

[jack action]

 

[jack action]

 

[fresh_42]

Except the G in Göteborg (where I lived in the 1980s) is pronounced more like "Y" not "G", something like "Yuertaborg" or even "Yuetabory"!

The people around Berlin also pronounce G as J (aka Y in English). So "Yoethe" would work, too.

 

[DaveC426913]

How do you pronounce Björk?

Well, I just pronounce it like "BeYork." (one syllable).

But same problem - just like "urgent"; it still has an "r" in it.

So if I were to try to pronounce "book" with an umlaut, like in "Björk", I would get "bork".

 

[DaveC426913]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/IPA_vowel_chart_with_audio
German ö can be [œ] or [ø].
The chart tells you the position of the blade of the tongue (i.e. it's not about the tip). The front of the mouth is to the left. The central mid position is the position of a completely relaxed tongue.
Compare with [ʊ] in book or [ɜ] in urgent. The former has the tongue in the back and high, while the latter is comfortably central and unrounded.
The 'roundedness' quality in the description of the vowel refers to the shape the lips make. The ö vowel is rounded. The lips are tense ('compressed'), which in some speakers may result in the sound being more central - that is, the tongue position may be closer to [ɜ] in urgent - but the lips stay rounded.

Btw, if you want to realise [ɜ] in isolation, you can try for the regular shwa [ə] which is close enough. That's the first vowel in abroad, the last one in comma, or the vowel in the reduced (weak, unstressed) 'have', 'of', or the article 'a'.

In the wiki article, "ɶ" just sounds like uh, of, or buck.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Open_front_rounded_vowel

 

[fresh_42]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/IPA_vowel_chart_with_audio
German ö can be [œ] or [ø].
The chart tells you the position of the blade of the tongue (i.e. it's not about the tip). The front of the mouth is to the left. The central mid position is the position of a completely relaxed tongue.
Compare with [ʊ] in book or [ɜ] in urgent. The former has the tongue in the back and high, while the latter is comfortably central and unrounded.
The 'roundedness' quality in the description of the vowel refers to the shape the lips make. The ö vowel is rounded. The lips are tense ('compressed'), which in some speakers may result in the sound being more central - that is, the tongue position may be closer to [ɜ] in urgent - but the lips stay rounded.

Btw, if you want to realise [ɜ] in isolation, you can try for the regular shwa [ə] which is close enough. That's the first vowel in abroad, the last one in comma, or the vowel in the reduced (weak, unstressed) 'have', 'of', or the article 'a'.

Here is a list for practice:

Schrödinger
Ångström
Noether
Gödel
Erdös
Röntgen
Mößbauer
Hölder
Möbius
Grønland
Göttingen
Björk
le cœur
Goethe
Hölderlin
Wö(h)rl(e)

Next lesson will include Marie and Pierre Curie and Gustave (Eiffel, Flaubert).

 

[davenn]

 

[fresh_42]

Not all Australian animals will kill you.

Don't get me wrong. He wants it, too. He just can't.

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 359157

I remain with what I have learned: one, two, three, more, much, lots and lots.

 

[nsaspook]

 

[WWGD]

Krismi Noem changed her name to " Kristi Noem" for consistency sake.

 

[DaveC426913]

Krismi Noem changed her name to " Kristi Noem" for consistency sake.

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 359162

Krismi has an M, Kristi doesn't. Though Noem has an M. Calling Bert Russell, Kurt G.

 

[jtbell]

I asked if ö sounds like the "oo" in "book", and got corrected that it sounds more like the "u" in "urgent".

If I pronounce it literally like the "u" in "urgent", I get "berk". Which might be wrong - but I can't remove the "r" without it sounding like "book" again.

This whole sub-thread really ought to be in the "Art, Music, History and Linguistics" forum, but what's a little thread-drift among friends?

Here's my take on how to develop the German / Swedish / Finnish "ö", step by step. It's also the Danish / Norwegian "ø".

1. Start with the English "long a" sound, as in "play". I think when most people say it by itself they tend to follow it with a glide to a bit of an "ee" sound, sort of "a-ee". Suppress that glide, to produce a clean sound. Another way to describe it would be "eh" without an "h" aspiration at the end. Many or most European languages write this sound as "e", by the way, like the "e" in "beta".

2. Make a long drawn-out version of this sound: "eeeeeeee..." (to use the European spelling). In the middle, while keeping your tongue in the same position, purse your lips (round them) like you do when saying "oo" as in "too" or "boo!": "eeeeeööööö..."

3. Now try again, starting both aspects of the sound together: the tongue position and the lip-pursing. Do it while saying "beta" and you'll get "böta" (which isn't really a word AFAIK).

That's the "long ö". The "short ö" has the same pursed lips, but it's based on the English "short e" as in "get" or "bet".

The "ur" sound as in "urgent" is different because the tongue is raised at the back of the mouth. That's what produces the "r" part of the sound. The "ö" sound has the tongue sort of flat from front to back.

 

[DaveC426913]

Krismi has an M, Kristi doesn't. Though Noem has an M. Calling Bert Russell, Kurt G.

Still don't get it

 

[WWGD]

You're going to hate yourself when you figure out how lame it actually is:
No em, as in " it does not include the letter 'm' ".

 

[WWGD]

Edit: See @DaveC426913 ? I told you.
My Equinox gym was half dark, half lit.

 

[nsaspook]

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 359171

I went to see a movie about him. But they couldn't both tell you the time it was playing and the screen number.

 

[WWGD]

Still don't get it

Sorry, I realized the joke doesn't even seem to make sense.

 

[256bits]

2. Make a long drawn-out version of this sound: "eeeeeeee..." (to use the European spelling). In the middle, while keeping your tongue in the same position, purse your lips (round them) like you do when saying "oo" as in "too" or "boo!": "eeeeeööööö..."

Can I make a suggestion.
Best place to this is on a packed bus or subway.
You should find out if you are doing it correctly from the reaction of fellow passengers.

 

[Orodruin]

Is it so hard to imagine a hero could be a female?

View attachment 359137​

I mean, yes, the issue still exists, but it was probably way worse back in 1996.

Also brings this classic to mind:

 

[berkeman]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[BillTre]